Truth Is Ordinary People Can't Wait

Only the Bare Necessities

2011-06-08T10:59:00.000-07:00

While reviewing my finances yesterday, I realized that I should have a lot more money saved than I do. I wondered where all of my money goes. Of course, I have to pay for things like the mortgage, lights, phones, cable, etc, but where was the rest of it? I know, I spend it!

In order to bring me back to a point of grace with my finances, I am going to go on a spending hiatus. While showering this morning, I remembered that a middle/high school buddy of mine did something like this a year or so ago, and I thought she was crazy to say the least! How can you do that? How can you not.buy.anything!! Well needless to say crazy saved her a ton of money.

So today when I got to work, after eating the breakfast and lunch that I brought from home, I hit her up on GChat to ask for the guidelines.

I could only spend money on things that would keep me (1) not starving; (2) clean; and (3) not naked
i.e. if I really didn't NEED it, I couldn't buy it.

Well that seems simple enough, but with my history, I know this is going to be worse for me than that time Krystal Willis gave up Facebook for her lent (yeah I'm still salty about that).

Plea to my friends:
Keep me honest, and understand that that means there won't be anymore parties at The Villa for a while (it was so hard for me to type that). It's a really good thing that I quit Williams-Sonoma when I did, or I'd.be.screwed!

Disclaimer: This does NOT mean that I am going to start buying generic brands of food though. I'm.just.saying!

Starting tomorrow, I'll truly be a pauper.

THE PRINCESS AND THE FROG v2

2010-03-16T22:41:00.001-07:00

So I watched The Princess and the Frog again, this time with my laptop in hand, as I sat on my sofa. It proved to be a great idea because I was able to capture all of the new things that I noticed in this movie, that really translate into how real life relationship should/do work.

The first time I watched this, it immediately touched me on a personal level. The lead character's dedication to cooking, and her relationship with her father, it truly hit home, and maybe that personal connection is what led me to read so much into Disney's newest true to form full-length animation feature.

The first thing that stood out to me about Naveen and Tiana's relationship in its earliest stage (before it ever existed) was that they immediately began to take a journey together, two people (or frogs in this case) who barely knew each other and who hand no expectations beyond getting back home. On this journey, though both had been put in each other's space neither one of them appreciated the other.

Tiana sung about how some people like herself work hard everyday while others like Naveen did nothing, but play. From her perspective, he didn't live up to what a productive person should be. Her verse sounds strangely like some women, who do not think that men have done "enough" or have not at least done as much as they have.

Naveen's verse talks about the red-head, the brunette, and the blonds that awaited him when he finally returned. He was so transfixed on the beauty of these three prototypical forms of beauty, that he was completely oblivious to the frog who was traveling with him, who was going on the journey with him, who was on his journey teaching him resilience along the way. The perfect person for him was right beneath his nose, and he was unable to see it initially because she was a green mucusy frog which did not depict his definition of beauty. {unpauses. carry on.}

However, we do get a chance to see a slight change in Naveen's character the first time, on this journey where he is needed, when Tiana can't save herself from the redneck hicks hunting frogs, we see Naveen realize that he was needed by Miss Independent. It was almost as if he noticed Tiana for the very first time. The fact that she'd been resilient, and independent, and ms. do-it-all on her own left her almost invisible, but when she was a damsel needing rescuing, Naveen saw that he may actually have purpose in her life. And it was at this point, that we begin to see any type of chemistry between the two of them at all.

Boy, Mama Oddie got it right... You want to be human but you don't know what you need. It's at mama Oddie's that we see Naveen realize for the first time that Tiana is the one who makes him light up. He fell first, and from that point we see him work at making it right. "I just want to look Tiana in the eye and say, 'I will do whatever it takes to make all your dreams come true, because I love you.'" He determined in that instance that he'd step out of his box, and work or even {gasps} get a job for her if that would help to make her happy. His self sacrifice in here is so beautiful. This is what it looks like when the Bible says husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church that he would give his life for it.

One could say, why would a man have to be the only one who sacrifices, well the flip side is beautifully illustrated by Tiana in this movie as well. When Naveen's fate hung in the balance, and she was offered her dream of a restaurant in exchange for Naveen's soul essentially, and she decided that Naveen (their future together) was more important. "My dream would not be complete without you in it. I love you warts and all."

Bottom line is that I have 5 primary takeaways from this movie:

The movie shows us that what we need can come in packages that we would not have necessarily expected for ourselves. The woman that you need may not be the prototypical beauty; she may be successful on her own; she may have goals and ambition, but with the love of the right man, she will be willing and sometimes be relieved to let him take the lead. The man that you need may not (yet) be the one wrought with ambition and accomplishments; maybe his woman is just enough of a push for him to be better, for him to do better.
In a nutshell... it reminds people (especially women) that's it's okay to strive for your goals, but to not get so caught up in them that you miss your frog. Goals are great but they aren't the thing that's most important, and acheiving a goal and growing that "thing" whatever it is together is far better than doing it alone.
And on the flip side, it reminds dudes, that the love of your woman should be greater than self-love, and sometimes you being willing to sacrifice "self" leads to a greater reward than doing things which only purpose is to make yourself happy even if at the expense of others.
All relationships come with some personal sacrifice, on both parts, but the reward for that sacrifice is far greater than anything that could have been achieved alone.
We shouldn't be so caught up in having/doing better than our parents (like parents want for their children) that we eclipse what we did have provided by our parents. I think of my father and the man that he was and the love he exuded, and maybe he didn't have all the material wealth that many covet, but he had us and deep down i honestly feel like that was enough for him.

The song Dig A little Deeper from the movie really got me and this is the verse that did it...
Miss Froggy, might I have a word? You's a hard one, that's what I heard Your daddy was a loving man Family through and through You your daddy's daughter What he had in him you got in you...

Being (financially) Independent Does Not Mean that We Don't Still Need Menn

2010-03-03T10:07:00.000-08:00

I've noticed a trend over the past few months, though I'm sure it's gone on longer than that, regarding the plight of the independent woman in a relationship, and how she and her independence can make her man or any man feel unneeded. Like I've always said, I will be the first to admit that I do not know anything about boys and girls, but this is my take on it.

In our society, so many seem to quantify necessity based on an ability to financially sustain a partner, family, or lifestyle. When really, we need to take a step back and realize that needs go far beyond and are far greater than who is or can pay for what. I'm not taking to task anyone, male or female, but I'd like to use a very personal story to illustrate how what a (n independent) woman needs from her man.

MY STORY
For all intensive purposes, one could label me an independent woman. I won't go into the list of things that I have/do that qualifies me as such because that is silly. I have always said that independence is like beauty, and for someone to walk around screaming, "I'm independent" is as ridiculous as someone walking around saying, "Look at me; I'm beautiful." It's okay to know who and what you are, but it is not always necessary to discuss it.

Nearly two years ago, my family discovered that my father was really very sick. Now my older sister is married and my younger sister was in a very long term relationship at the time, and they both had the shoulder of their sig others on which they could cry. During that time I'd played the role of a typical career-driven chick who focused only on doing what she needed to do to be comfortable knowing she'd not have to hustle for anything since it seemed as though I was destined to be single anyway. I'd just come out of a very healthy relationship which came to an unfortunate end mysteriously when I was offered my present job. The point being, when I needed an emotional outlet, a non-familial shoulder to cry on, I was lacking.

Now do not misunderstand, I have amazing friends, and I knew that I could call any one of them at any time day or night and they would be there to support me. But what I was accustomed to growing up was being able to look to my father for emotional support. I, being fortunate enough to have grown up having one of the most amazing men in history as a father, was used to being able to go to a strong man when I needed to be rescued emotionally. However, given his current state, he could not be my emotional outlet. My sisters, mom and I determined that it was our turn to support him as he'd supported us our entire lives.

Someone once told me that two of the hardest things to go through are the death of a loved one, and caring for a very sick loved one. Little did I know that I was at a point where I was about to deal with both, in conjunction with my very sick father being moved from his home because, though the family was already struggling with the declining health of our patriarch, Hurricane Ike showed no mercy and ravished the house that he'd worked to provide for his family.

Over the course of the most torturous 4.5 months of my life I found myself finding solace in a parking lot. While my sister had her husband to support her, and my younger sister her amazing boyfriend, all I could do was drive. I'd end up in a parking lot scrolling through my cell phone looking for someone to call. I'd need to cry, and what I really needed was a shoulder, what I really needed was someone to wrap their arms around me, and wipe the tears from my eyes as they'd come. I needed someone to let me just snot all over them. I needed someone to listen as a I challenged and questioned God and his omnipotence. And I didn't need just someone, I needed and wanted someone who too knew my father. I needed someone who understood why me being mad at God was different from every other person in the world being mad at God when their loved-ones become terminally ill. I needed someone who knew that man that I called daddy, because he would then know that what I needed was not someone who could help me with the house that I was having built at the time, or my car, or my bills. He would know that what I needed all I needed was someone to be there for me, and that need was greater than any financial support I could ever ask for.

So as I sat in the parking lot I scrolled for names of men who knew my father, there were about 4 guys that I could call, and would let me cry to them. 4 guys who knew my father, and understood my frustration, and my plight. And I wanted to talk to guys, there is a calmness that I felt like I could get from the depth of a male's voice; I could pretend that voice loved me like my daddy loved me. Though those 4 guys were there to listen when I called, not one of them (for one reason or another) came to daddy's service when the time came when I needed them then.

Am I independent? Yeah I guess... who cares. But I wish above all else that I had someone I could depend on in a situation like that, and not even just those situations, situations where I am emotionally spent even if it's just a bad day at work, a tough time with the kids (future kids obviously). That need isn't just for the bad times, but the good times as well. I need someone that I know who is always going to be there to rejoice with me, to celebrate with me, and those are needs that just cannot be fulfilled with money.

And there shall be a great cry unlike one that's ever been heard before...

2009-12-28T22:38:00.000-08:00

And there shall be a great cry unlike one that's ever been heard before...

And it shall be the cry of Black American boy babies...

Yes, I am calling for a cry similar to Pharoah's of the Egyptian babies... only in the reverse.

Earlier today, a friend of mine sent me an article from ABC News entitled "Why are There So Many Single Black Females?" and after reading it I realized that I am truly not alone, and the question that my sister's boyfriend asked of me months ago holds true for so many: if the statistics in this article are correct, then at least one in twelve. You are you have money, you can cook, you are fun, and you actually like sports; why don't you have a man?

This article uses the same old black women outnumber men, and the men that are available (meaning the ones that are not in jail or undereducated -- as in no high school diploma-- or unemployed) are either dating and marrying white women or are playing the field because why should he settle down with one woman when he has four quality women to rotate between?

I am not getting into the details of those issues of do black women have to settle for someone beneath them to stay in the same race. I am only going to say that the fact (so this article says) is that black women outnumber black men by 1.8 million.

After reading this article, I thought about it and was reassured in knowing that I was not alone. Now, personally, I am not dead set on marrying a black man. If I marry I am going to marry a man who loves me unconditionally; if he's black great, and if he isn't that's fine with me too. But like I was saying after reading this article I realized that I had come up with a solution to this epidemic.

These women should become single parents.

This article describes a mentality among successful black women that is accepting of the reality that they may never ever be able to append the title Mrs. in front of a name which is followed by M.D., or J.D., etc. But the problem is that this mentality also has the majority of these women accepting that they will also never have children.

My solution is not impossible, but it unfortunately will come too late to help the women of my generation who are like me, but we can setup future generations to not have the same outcome. I think we should all have babies---and pray that we birth boys.

For years there has been this stigma that has come along with being a single or unwed mother. But we are now in the age of interractial, same-sex, and open marriage... all which at some point or another carried the same stigma, but over time have come to (in most cases) make sense. Becoming a single mother at 32 years of age, is really not so bad when you look at the long term ramifications.

I believe that if women who are financially stable, and successful in other capacities as well have kids we can curve this problem for the next generation; however if we continue to let only the married couples have and raise little brown children, this problem will be on-going. The average family has two children, and if only 68 percent of African American women are marrying, then the 2 children from each of those families is not going to curve the present problem.

Ladies, we need to breed little black boys, and raise them to be black men. We have the capability to be single mothers, who don't have to struggle like younger, and less financially stable women do. We have the capability to raise these young men bred to keep the race alive to do just that. Be men who will settle down (personally I don't care if black men chose to date/marry white women) and marry and have children and not have four quality women on rotation. We have the capability to raise these little boys in loving, and "struggle-free" environments, leading them to be more progressive in their adulthood and less likely to be another black man in jail or under educated. As women who have been educated, the likelihood of raising kids who will not value education is slim. Therefore we'd slowly but surely be able to change the "more black men in jail than college" statistic that haunts us.

I spoke to my sister about this and she did ask some good questions regarding to how this would work. If it were me this is something like how it would go.

Conception:
Because I am pretty adamant about my children all having the same father (whether I am married or not), and because there are certain pastimes in which I like to take part, I would probably not go the route of a sperm bank. More than likely, I would find someone who I trust (and who I think would produce attractive offspring) and be completely honest with him. I would let him know of my desire to have a child(ren) and that I want him to be my "donor". I would explain that this is really like a business transaction and would have a copy of the sample parental waiver form for him to read and agree to before we decide to commence trying to conceive MY child. I would also include in my discussion that should I conceive, and if at any point post conception he decides to get married, he would oblige me and make a donation to an agreed upon sperm bank, and that donation would be held in reserve for me for later use in case I want more kids. It would also be important that this guy understands that he's just the sperm donor, and not the father of my child.

Raising:
I'd raise my son to be a MAN. Respectful of women but, he'd be out in the dirt doing manish things.

He'd play little league football (obviously because I selfishly really want to be a football mother).
He would not accompany me on trips to the beautyshop/ nailshop/ or hangout with my female friends and myself as we gossip about whatever it is women gossip about.
I would surround him with a network of wonderful "uncles" who can show him the aspects of "mandom" that I cannot teach him.
I will raise him to know that he's special because he is not a kid who had a father who left him, but he is a kid who has a mother who wanted him, and wanted him for a great purpose.

What about marriage?:

I am not saying that I am going to go out and find someone to mate with in order to conceive tomorrow, but I am saying that if I get to be about 33 and it looks more and more like I am not going to get married, then I will, and if after I have my son and daughter or two a man miraculously comes up and wants to marry then fine, but it'd be a long hard discussion what I would expect of him as a father, because the raising of my children at that point will have been very intentional, and I couldn't have someone undoing what had been done. It'd also be a long discussion regarding any future children because, like I said, I want my kids to all have the same father like my two sisters and I did. If he has an issue with that, then he should have come around while I was 29 and not 39.

Like I said, this solution would take a generation or two to correct the current problem, but it can be done. There shall be a great cry unlike one that's ever been heard before, and it will be the cry in the maternity wards of hospitals across the country of the newborn Black American boy babies being born to single women who are able to love, care, and support these young boys and guide them into their role as black men. You thoughts?

Deposting last few Entries

2009-12-20T10:59:00.000-08:00

I was being a girl.

Doesn't really suit me that well.

Even though I was a thinking calculating girl.

I need to get my "non-girlie" testosterone levels back up.

Screw cleaning! I'm watch the game instead!

On Another Note: I am a Dude

2009-12-20T10:31:00.000-08:00

This list will grow I'm sure but for starters...

1. I buy apologies because I don't know how to apologize any other way:

I bitched out these people at 24 hour fitness... realized I was wrong and bought them gifts as an apology. I felt like Ike Turner buying Tina the gift after he beat the crap out of her.
I was washing a this dude's hair once after his weekly haircut (don't ask there is no story here) and I accidently turned the cold water off before the hot... eventually scolding his head. I felt terrible but since I didn't know what else to do I left immediately and bought him a video game (I was already planning on getting it but I expedited the purchase in attempts to make it my apology). I hear a female would have stayed and "nursed" it but well... I haven't been to nursing school.

2. If I have to pick between DSW and Best Buy... I chose the latter (and I have the gamers package on my silver status reward zone membership to prove it).

more to come... gotta clean up

A Lesson in Parallel Structure (or in this case the lack thereof)

2009-10-19T22:48:00.000-07:00

i used to be consistent, and now i'm not. i used to have a voice, and it has been silenced. i used to be passionate, and now i'm despondent.

a change is coming.

Life is Too Short to be a Coward

2009-10-18T18:50:00.001-07:00

one year ago today i buried my daddy(55) who died from lung cancer after never smoking a day in his life. today i found out that one of my very close childhood friends (27)--just one year my senior--who should be basking in anticipation of her unborn child, may have cancer.

so here i sit at my desk contemplating life and how seriously fucking short it can be. life and how significant our problems seem until one bigger arises. life which should be spent actively seeking happiness, but so often is left without due to fear and cowardice. life just too short to not know what you want, yet even worse to know an be afraid to go after it.

today i was reminded yet again how fragile and in many cases unfair life is. that reminder should be enough for me to accept my fate if what i want from this life doesn't materialize. i can sit back and keep quiet and not get what i want. or i can put myself out there and still not get what i want. either way i could be seriously fucked. but given that life (not just my own) is fragile and in many cases unfair, i realize that i wouldn't be the only one.

A Mexican Christmas for the Carter Girls

2008-12-25T06:56:00.000-08:00

Right now I am sitting on the private patio of my room at an exclusive resort in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. I am listening to the waves of the beach as they roll in in consistent seven second increments. When I look up, though it is nearly seven o’clock in the morning I can still see the stars peering through the crack of the tall palm trees overhead. I wonder if one of those stars is my father, and that is his way of being with us this Christmas Day.

Today is Christmas: the first one without my daddy here. This is largely the reason (if not solely) the reason for this winter vacation to Mexico. None of us really wanted to spend our holidays at home without daddy; it’s hard to feel at home anywhere knowing that daddy is gone.

We arrived in PV yesterday on a Continental Express Jet around eleven in the morning. Customs were a breeze as there were no lines. I’m concerned it won’t always be that way. This is my first trip out of the country --at twenty-five (just short of twenty-six) years-old. Todo aqui es muy contigo. I have been working on my spanish since I have been here, though most, but not everyone who works at this resort speaks English.

My sister, the elder one, did a great job of picking out this resort. It’s all-inclusive which means that I really don’t have to pick up my wallet again until I am heading back to the airport and will have to give the valet a tip.

I am looking forward to what today holds. I am sad though that I am missing all of my friends who came into town (Houston) for the holidays, many of whom will leave before I return. Back at home, The Villa is being cared for by one of my closest friends in the world, and my baby, Texas is being taken care of by one of my favorite acting students. Life continues to go on. Many days I don’t know how, but it does.

Well the sun is starting to rise, and I can now see the formation of the mountains’ silhouette to my left, and the stars-- i can’t see them anymore.

How my last 13 Months have been Blessed

2008-05-08T20:03:00.000-07:00

Two nights ago I had a conversation with a friend whom I met as a result of being a very active blogger about three years ago. We hadn't spoken-- as in over the telephone-- in probably somewhere close to a year. Over the course of our conversation he asked if I still blogged, and my answer was no. He asked why, and honestly, I don't have a good reason. If anything, I have more reason to blog now than before. I can say that I am going to keep up with the blog again, but I may not... if you'd like to catch up!

In the last 13 months I have...

Written and Directed a full length musical: On April 1st of 2007, I sat down in my bed with my laptop on my lap and began to pen The KidsLife Musical. This hour and a half long musical, featured, 5 original song (one of those was penned by me), the others were written by A. Beard and the ever talented M. Woelfel. The musical opened to a full house of over 1000 people. All five shows on its debut weekend met full houses with attendance totally over 5000 people in one weekend. Because of the response to the show we were asked for an encore performance in a much larger arena (it was once called the Compaq center or the Summit). Our encore show was held as a Halloween alternative and was received by an audience of nearly 9,000 people for one show. So at the age of 24 I was able to look out onto a crowd of 9,000 people who were all there to watch the fruits of the labor of myself, my cast, and production team totally over 45 people. Just to think, I'd always hated musicals.
On September 24, 2007 I began my new job as a CRM Analyst at one of the world's largest oil companies. This amazes me because I currently do not have a college degree, and the other contenders for the job were all degreed. What is even more amazing still is that this job boost my previous salary by nearly 300%. I have been blessed to make 3x what I was making at my previous company-- without really being qualified (on paper).
I have paid off nearly 90% of all of my debt -- including student loans, credit cards, and a loan from a family member.
I have officially purchased my own vehicle, although I am grateful for the sweet 16th Ford Escort that I received (brand new) 8 years. This year I purchased [with my own] money a beautiful 2008 Black Jeep Liberty with the 5ft long SkySlider Sun Roof.
I am in the process of buying my own house: 3 bedrooms, 3.5 baths, 3 stories. Granite in every bathroom, and 42" espresso stained cabinets.
I have adopted a beautiful grey (she was black when I got her) YorkiePoo named Almond. And she has FINALLY learned to go peepee poohpooh outside!
I have dated, and stopped dating a great guy who treated me very well. Then I realized he was a liar and a shitty friend, so we aren't really on speaking terms right now.... hey you can't have it all.

Let's see what God has in store for the next 13 months! I am AMAZED and what he did in the last 13... NONE of it was in my own plan or might... especially the job! God is good!

"Keep believing God that your best days are yet to come!" Joel Osteen

If he has better for it... I hope he prepares me because I'm overwhelmed with what I've already been given!

Unwanted

2008-01-03T09:20:00.000-08:00

It's been a while... haven't really had anything to say....

As long as I can remember I can never remember feeling unwanted-- not as a friend at least. When you have the physical quirks that I have, you become used to not being the girl who always gets the guy-- the girl who's always wanted in a relationship sense, but until not I'd never felt unwanted as a friend.

I turn 25 years old in four days. I still have numerous friends that I acquired in elementary school, and still more from middle school [as I went to high school with the same group]. In my 25 years I cannot recall loosing someone whom I considered to be a friend. That's a lie. I'd lost one because... that's a key word... because... that means that there was a reason. I lost my best friend of about 11 years because she randomly became a pathological liar.

Because is a term that introduces a reason ... or an excuse... either way I'm okay with certain things as long as there is a because.

I'm having a hard time right now because I lost my second friend of note about 3 months ago, but there was no because. There was no reason. I feel as though we were severed in two without any real rationale. I almost feel very blindsided by the loss. I am having a hard time dealing with it. Honestly, you maybe more apt to understand if I give you a brief overview. This guy and I dated for quite some time, and due to what I thought were schedule conflicts we decided that dating wouldn't be really realistic for us... I was later to learn that he was just no longer interested in me. There was no reason... and I'm sure people often have no reason for loosing interest. But when things seem to be going very well -- mind you I wasn't looking for marriage-- just up and loosing interest is a bit beyond me, but I deal with it because I'm used to being the relationally unwanted girl anyway.

However, when the friendship dissipated as quickly as the relationship did I didn't know how to deal with that. When I realized that I was the only one still making an effort to "always be friends." I decided it wasn't a race I wanted to be in alone. But I don't get it. I am still having a hard time wrapping my brain around loosing this friendship without a because. I don't need a because when it comes to loss of interest, but loss of friendship... I mean who does that... seriously?

It sucks because the friendship before the relationship was really good, and looking back.... I would have avoided the relationship in a heartbeat if it meant I got to keep my friend.

Last night I saw this person for the first time since August. He came over to bring back a DVD that I'd left at his house (I realized this when I was doing my quarterly DVD inventory). I suggested that he mail the DVD because deep down I knew it would probably be best for me not to see him. But he brought it over. He didn't stay long -- which was definitely a good thing, but I watched him play with the dog that I actually bought to replace him -- it was a very awkward sensation. His attempt to shoot the breeze about work and school and my family and stuff.... it was all very nice in theory but in reality it was hard.

It's hard being the only one who cares about a friendship that was lost. It's hard loosing one. It's hard feeling not good enough ... feeling unwanted as even a friend.... So now I'm in my office crying over the things I don't understand.

It's Been Nearly a Year

2007-08-28T23:06:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it's been nearly a year since I've last written. So much has happened since last November. I have grown in so many ways. I have become... dare I say it... a girl.

As you have probably guessed, there is a new guy in my life, who at this point is probably not-so-new.

Text Messages Are the Devil!

2006-11-28T09:05:00.000-08:00

How many of you have either initiated or confirmed a middle of the night rendez-vous through text messaging? Go ahead. Raise your hand. You know you've done it.

How many of you conservative closet nymphos have said all of the naughty things you've heard in the movies, but dared not say before text messaging gave you that outlet? Go ahead. Raise your hand. You know you've done it.

How many of you rat bastards have totally taken full advantage of someone who totally just wanted to spend time with you by iliciting horizontal dancing via SMS? Raise your effin hand, so I can slap it.

How many of you have ever received that text message that simply said, "B alone 2nite"? And you immediately called all of your homies with whom you were going to go clubbing and told them all you had to cancel because you were sick. Raise it up high. Don't be ashamed.

Fuck yeah you should be ashamed! Text messaging is evil! It gets you in those positions in which you know you should not take part. It gets you in that bathtub/shower with that sender, receiver who couldn't careless about anything other than the humidity factor in the great down under.

All of this to say... Text Messaging is sex. and Sex is bad! We should all practice abstinence. B-cuz once you pop [and get text messaging] uuuuuuuuu can't stop!

*oringally posted 11/1/2005-- worth revisiting...

On Being the Other Woman

2006-11-28T00:24:00.000-08:00

On being the other woman...

I have sat up most of tonight crying. Yes I admit it. I have cried. My eyes truely aren't used to that anymore. They are burning like crazy.

Okay here comes the juicy story...
There has been this dude who I admittantly didn't really like at all, who has been persuing my affections for somewhere around a year. For months I explained that I didn't have time for a relationship and that I really was not interested in one. I was largely not interested in him, but I figured saying I was not interested in a relationship was not an untruth either and it was definately nicer. Well this dude, with whom I will admit I may have touched a time or two, came in town for Thanksgiving, and called me late one night and asked me to come meet him. I told him no, because I knew what he wanted, and I was not up for it. He calls me the following morning and asks me to breakfast, and I agree. All throughout breakfast I'm trying to figure out how I will tell him that nothing is ever going to happen between us because I'mjust not at all attracted and the conversation just isn't there. I have been subjected to listening to rediculous stories about him and his ghetto boys from the north side and blah blah blah ... snore!

Much to my surprise I was on myspace.com today and noticed that he had gotten engaged last week to a chick he has been with for three years! Now let's see, this is the SAME dude who was pissed that I was just "talking" to some other dudes-- mind you we were never "together". He gets mad at me while all the while he is proposing to some chick at home!

What's scary is that this has happened with me with the last three maybe four dudes who have sought me out. Mind you, I never seek, and normally i try my damnest to ignore.

The dude from NYC who randomly stopped talking to me in February of '05 got married in April of '05, got pregnant on his honeymoon in April but the baby was due in September [hmmm yes that is 5 months]... THEN around January began talking to me again under the auspecies of a friendship, but soon admitting to wanting more with me.
The bastard mentioned in the above senerio.
The dude I've known for three years or more [probably more] who would secretly fatasize about doing naughty things to me while we'd stay up til 2am discussing anything [but naughty] things, only for him to move far away get a girlfriend and then confess that he'd secretly been intrigued by me and thought of there being something more between us. [hope he doesn't read this but if he does ... who cares]
The dude that I used to kick it with, and one day he comes over to visit me and I notice a wedding ring on his finger, after months of us kicking it-- and it wasn't always merely friendly.

HERE'S THE MESSAGE I'D LIKE TO LEAVE...IF I'M NOT APPROACHING YOU THEN LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE.

If you approach me then I am going to assume one of 4 things:

You have a girlfriend
You have a fiancee
You are married
You are gay [haven't had one of these yet but ya know... anything can happen].

I would just like for someone... anyone to tell me if I am wearing some kind of indicator that says "OTHER WOMAN MATERIAL". Please I'd like to know. I asked one of my really good guy friends and he said, well Krys you're fun. Maybe they want to be with you because you are fun... I was like then why can't they just be my fucking friend... I don't need all the extra... I never NEVER need the extra.

I feel Stupid

2006-11-28T00:22:00.000-08:00

Okay I feel more than stupid. I'd stopped writing mainly because I thought no one was reading anymore, because I wasn't getting any comments. THEN I realized that now I have to approve comments. I didn't know that! You all have been reading, and for that I am very excited.... especially to Exenso ... she's never left my side!

It's Been A While

2006-09-24T21:16:00.000-07:00

My dear fans,

It's been over four months since my last post. How absolutely pathetic! I guess I haven't had too much to say recently.

My two favorite Liberals have moved away, so my heated debates have been reduced to a minimal. Mr. Untitled and I have said probably only 200 words to each other in the last four months: so thus ends that story.

I've realized that one relationship [that would never fully exist] ultimately kept me from one that could have actually been really healthy for me: challenging, mutual, and full of heat! "what you want might make you cry; what you need may pass you by. And what you need ironically, will turn out what you want to be if you just let it."

My dear friend Sabba is now engaged to a great gal. My cuzibludin and her fiance move into their brand new house this weekend. I've reconnect with a former flame... err flicker. My parents bought a new house.

Many of my friends would be happy to say that I am not much less of a workaholic. I'd actually written a song titled "Workaholic" because of a school-girl crush that I'd developed on someone I thought of as a friend, but as it turns out he was probably just doing his job.

I haven't developed any new strong opinions, which is probably the reason I have not posted in a while. But I'm back. I promise. At least three posts a week. I miss this. I hope ya'll missed me.

The next post will probably be about babies in church! Church is making me hate kids.... more to come!

Love,
Miss Krys

Honeykissed: Chapter I

2006-05-12T09:33:00.000-07:00

A work of fiction, the art of expression is one that I can no longer successfully accomplish. The sojourn that is my life has led me to an existence has led me to a reality that relies on the ability to bluntly express what I think is. A fictional piece requires the author to search his imagination and with flowery diction and descriptive interpretation convey a picture –often on that is mobile. I now only know how to state is. An actor never lies. He simply states someone else’s reality. If the person is a work of fiction, that does not make his reality any more of less real. But you, my dear loyal reader, have not asked for my dissertation on life and the art of telling lies acting. You have asked for a story, and a story, as poorly written as you will think it is conveyed, is what will follow.

This obviously isn't the entire first prolouge and first chapter... it's just the portion I decided to post today.

His honey-kissed chestnut eyes stared at me through the glass. The rhythmic air from his flaring nostrils and gaping mouth fogged the window in a melodic sequence. His palm peeled away slowly as he turned to face forward, in order to avoid letting me see his eyes say goodbye. I knew that the day would one day come when Koren would look at me, and without words, tell me goodbye. The day was always, as I envisioned in my mind, tomorrow. Today tomorrow made its premature arrival. We would not have another chance to play Little Sally Walker or Down by the River. He would never again call me up to the tree house that we begged my father to help us build. We would never again ride the roller coaster in the theme park that we affectionately named chez-deux. That theme park has long since been demolished and as Koren’s train faded into that black hole of a tunnel, I felt as though my world was crumbling around me.

We never had an argument. Not one. He knew all of my secrets; I, his. When he lost his virginity, the only person who knew before me was old what’s her face. When my mother’s covert operation turned fatal, he would not trust anyone else with the delivering the news to me. Ours was the epitome of an intimate relationship. We’d told each other secrets in dark corners, knowing that the other would forever be the keeper of those cognitions. Judgment was nonexistent in our realm. Never judged—no matter what. In a few hours, my secrets will be seemingly light years away, and his will stay here, with the undeniable faith that none will ever be divulged.

Chapter I

Sydnei placed her cordless telephone on the charger that she’d finally made time to plug in. “Ash, I know you aren’t there. I just called to tell you that I made it. It rained full blitzes and hail Mary’s the whole way, so it took me an extra hour, but… oh I know you hate when I leave these long messages on your answering machine, so call me I’ll tell you all about the drive. I miss you already. Love you for life.” The date and time on the phone blinked 01/01/00 12:02. She had called a week in advance to have her telephone, water and lights ready for her arrival. As she put the phone down, she looked across her barren apartment and realized that her four-hour-drive from Austin to Houston was her first step into adulthood. From this point on, she would be her first and primary resource for all issues, financial or emotional; and at the same time she would be the primary recipient of the accolades of her triumphs. She foresaw many triumphs ahead for her.

While Sydnei would have enjoyed nothing more than to begin unpacking the things she felt would make her new place her own—at least her prized collection of compact discs—she knew that extra hour on the road had cut into her schedule. She tossed her cash, lipstick, ID and keys, into her Mary Rambin C.L.I.C.K bag; grabbed her guitar and headed back out into the rain.

Response to "Just Curious"

2006-04-07T07:44:00.000-07:00

So I was in craigslist reading the "Rants and Raves" for Houston.... here is an interesting one.

Just Curious says:

All you who post here and rant and complaint on how terrible our city, state, and country are... What good things have you done or contributed to make this a better place? Just keep seeing asses saying the "bad" people should leave the city or the country but haven't seen any of you asses do anything to justify why you get to stay in this city or country. What makes you better than the people who you ask to leave?

My Response to Just Curious:

That's an easy answer, Just Curious. This is what we do that allows us to stay:

1. We pay taxes
2. We do not kill people
3. We do not rob
4. We do not litter
5. We do not make the Galleria look trashy by walking around in wife-beaters, our pants around our ankles, grillz, and we do not play cards or dominoes in the food courts
6. We GO TO WORK
7. We don't consistantly ask the government for handouts
8. We don't demand they take God off the money, out of the pledge, and the ten commandments off of the government buildings
9. We do community service
10. We mow our lawns [or hire lawn guys to do it].
11. We speak English-- or we at least make an effort to learn to
12. We take care of our offspring instead of asking the governement to do it
13. We know and understand the system of checks and balances within our government and thusly know that ONE man who carries the appellation of President cannot be responsible for EVERYTHING that happens in this country
14. We vote

Just Curious's Response:

Another big frog in the little pond. The pond is getting very crowded. Very idiotic thinking. Doesn't really understand what citizenship is here in the country. It's a shame.

1. Most people Houston or not pay taxes too.
2. YOU don't kill people. Some Houston citizens kill people. Most Non-Houston people don't kill people.
3. YOU don't rob people. Some Houston citizens rob people. Most Non-Houston people don't rob people.
4. YOU don't litter people. Some Houston citizen litter. Most Non-Houston people don't litter.
5. We do not make the Galleria look trashy by walking around in wife-beaters, our pants around our ankles, grillz, and we do not play cards or dominoes in the food courts.... Bad news.... this is being done by Houston's finest citizen.
6. You GO TO WORK. Doesn't have work doesn't make you a citizen (or not) of USA/Houston. 5% -7% of US population is jobless, but they are still a US citizen. Most wives chose to be house wives instead of going to work but they are still citizen.
7. Handouts are given to all citizens of US. Handouts were giving to victims of 9/11 and other people in need.
8. US constitution specifically does not allow religion in government. It's called separation of religion and government.
9. You do community service. Some Houston citizen do community service, most don't. Some non-Houston citizen do community service, most don't.
10. You mow our lawns [or hire lawn guys to do it]. Ownership of lawn is a privilege doesn't make you a good citizen.
11. You speak English. Most Houston citizens speak English and more. Most Non-Houston citizens speak English and more too.
12. You take care of our offspring instead of asking the government to do it. Most Houston citizens do the same. Most Non-Houston citizens do the same too.
13. You know and understand the system of checks and balances within our government and thusly know that ONE man who carries the appellation of President cannot be responsible for EVERYTHING that happens in this country. President represents the citizen of the USA. Bush is representing the citizen of the USA very poorly. What's this got to do with you miss treating other US citizens?
14. You Vote. It's a privilege. Most Houston citizens don't vote. Most non-Houston citizens don't vote too.

The Finale from Me to Just Curious:

YOU [I] do not litter people.... how the hell does one litter people?

Let me make things a little clearer for you. The mass exedous from New Orleans has changed our city, my friend, and I am not afraid to say that it has not been a change for the better. I can't tell you how many sistahs I saw walking around the Galleria in God knows what with orange wrist bands on their arms. If you have just evacuated and are using a FEMA card what the hell are you doing in Saks or Neimans or the Louis Vitton store in the first damn place?

Model US citizens think a little differently. We think, "This money is money from taxpayers; I have only the clothes on my back, and I am in a new city and may not be able to go home for a long time. Maybe I should take my $2000 and spend it on staple items and not designer bags [especially since I know that $2000 "ain't no hole lotta money" and it doesn't make me rich].

As far as handouts, in extenuating [sp?] circumstances, yes it's understandable. I am talking about people who are ALWAYS at the Food Stamp office; it is their way of life. It's sickening. I'm working my ass off and going to school fulltime for some lazyass to get my tax money?!?!

WTF. The government is supposed to protect our freedoms and keep us safe. When did the government take on the role as father to its incompetent children who are unwilling to take adavantage of FREE education, and make something of themselves? People who defend the lazy make me sick. I don't patronize people who are CAPABLE but lazy. That is sick. If someone is like that then NO, they should not be in MY city, STATE, or COUNTRY. This is capitalistic America; if you are not willing to go out and get yours with as minimal help as humanly possible then you should pack your shit, and move on over to a communist society where every one gets the same everything and is nurtured by their paternalistic government. Houston, Texas, The United States is not it!

You keep saying MOST... I'm saying the ones who don't should not be here. If you aren't making an effort to be better, do better, have better, then you are a stain on those who are. Period.

YOUR THOUGHTS?

My Personality

2006-03-09T15:24:00.000-08:00

You Have A Type A Personality

A

You are hyper, energetic, and always on the mood
You tend to succeed at everything you attempt
And if you don't succeed at first, you quickly climb your way to the top!

You could be called a workaholic, but you also make time for fun
As long as it's high energy and competitive, you're interested
You have the perfect personality for business and atheltic success

Do You Have a Type A Personality?

Miss Human Resources Director: Oh Ye of Little Faith

2006-02-26T19:19:00.000-08:00

This new human resources director at my job [she started here only like two months ago, but approached me as if I were a normal incompetent 23 year-old] with the I don't think you should take so many hours in school and work fulltime. Are you sure you will be able to handle school at work.

I informed her that while working fulltime in San Antonio, and maintaing an excellent job-performance record-- I carried 15 hours at Trinity University, including classes like Cal II and Physics for Engineers. My grandmother died right before finals so I missed the last week of classes and I still managed to maintain a GPA of 3.5.

Even after I informed her of that she still finds the need to ask me about school [not in a sincerely caring manner-- in a I'm waiting for you to realize you're not good enough to do both well manner]. I hate when she asks.

So after working a 40 hour week, I came to my office on both Saturday and Sunday to knock down a list of 18 things "to-do" that sprung up between Thursday and Friday [after I'd just completed a list of 10]. I thought it was more than appropriate to send to miss HR this email, as I packed my things to leave around 9:17 p.m.

Dear Miss HR:
I know you were concerned about how school would affect my performance here. I am just sending this email to let you know that I am leaving the office now [Sunday 9:13 p.m.] after about 4 hours, and I was here yesterday from about 11:00 a.m. until 2:00 p.m. I was able to take my list of 19 things of to-dos down to 13.

I do strive to be good at what I do, both here and away from school, and I hope that my work here over the weekend goes a long way to show you that I do in fact take my job seriously.

I do look forward to working with you on HRforce.com. I really do believe that it will be a great asset in helping you in the HR department, and others should you attain any HR assistants in the future.

I know that over email it may be hard to determine the tone in which a person means to convey his/her message; please be assured that my intended tone is one of reassurance.

Thanks!
K.D. Carter
Marketing Administrator

I thought I was nice.... right...

VD -- Yes it really is a DISEASE

2006-02-14T06:54:00.000-08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BROTHER IN LAW AND MY FAVORITE RED-HEADED FRIEND FROM KHS!

This post serves two purposes for me. The first is that it makes me realize that I have been doing this "blog" thing for over a year. I remember this because this time last year, I was writing a post[ V.D. -- "Fakey" Holiday]somewhat similar to the one I am about to write right now.

So here it is... VD. I'm not going to write as much as I did last year, because that pretty much sums it up. Many of you, especially those close to me, know how much I loathe the fakey holiday that most people refer to as Valentine's Day. Many have asked me why I hate this day, and I have sincerely been unable to put my finger on the exact reason, or the exact year that I decided that this day was worth nothing more than morning upchuck that I feel coming on whenever I roll over to find the date on my palm/alarm clock to read 02.14.??

I went to Wal-Mart the other day (one of my unhappy places -- I loathe this place). I was helping one of my friends finish an audition tape, and we had to go. Now I must say that I am extemely glad that the Super Bowl was in February this year, because all of the store space that is normally filled with pink and red hearts and effin teddy bears and big balloons in the shape of seriously over-injected kissy lips, was replaced with football paraphanilia! ONCE AGAIN FOOTBALL HAS SAVED MY LIFE! It was a great joy to walk into a store between December 26th and today and see Footballs, and inflated goal lines, over emphasis on chips and dip, and large beer displays! But upon my trip to cLub Wal-Mart [post-super bowl], all of the footballs were gone and they'd been replaced with all that red and pink shit! QUESTION! Who the hell told someone that pink and red go together? So obviously, I had to grab the arm of my dear friend and close my eyes and trust her to guide me through to the back of the store where my sights would no longer be subjected to the vile images of VD bullshit.

Did anyone other than me happen to notice that this fakey-holiday's initials were the same as an oh so terrible female DISEASE? Conincidence? I think not.

So NO I will not subject my husband to doing shit for me on disease day
NO my kids will not celebrate it as a holiday
NO my boyfriend/suitor will not be allowed to ask me to be his/her ........tine
And MOST IMPORTANTLY anyone who calls/ims/emails/ or sends "Happy ........tine's Day" messages will be kkkkkkkkkkkkmost indubitably IGNORED!

Staying Hopeful Til the Very End

2006-01-23T08:59:00.000-08:00

Comment recently made to me:

You know Kubiak is not going to take Young.. he has already talked a lot about how great of a quarterback Carr is and I am sure he is coming here t prove that…

My response:

I know. It makes me sad, but I'm still gonna hope [all the way til the end of April] that they watch just a few more tapes and by a supreme act of God take Young.

2006-01-10T06:31:00.000-08:00

Hometown Paying Hommage

I could not even begin to create an accurate title for this piece....

The only thing more important than my birthday this past weekend, was my all-time favorite football player [still an understatement] and his decision to go pro.

Vince Young is the truth.

I know everyone is on the VY hype right now, but the fact that he is going all the way, at a high seat makes me feel so smart. I have been a fan of VY [as has most of Houston] since around 1998 or 1999-- 6 years ago. Yes, I know that he has only been at UT since 2002-2003, but I was a fan of VY -- the Madison Marlin. I was a fan when the "InVINCEable" and the "We Are ConVinced" slogans were initially coined. I often say that my first real [never-ending crush] was so that I could discover Vince[nt]. This dude whom I began liking played defense for Madison and I started going to the games to support him and my former best friend who was a Marlins Cheerleader.

There at those games [before I knew anything about football except that a touchdown resulted in 6 points] I not only fell in love with the game but realized that Vincent Young was a name that we all would hear for a very long time after. Even in high school he seemed to be a miracle worker. People are in awe now of how even in a 4th quarter he manges to bring his team up from behind... thats something that has been going on since high school. Whenever we were in down by a bit, and would start to get scared that this might be the game we loose... Vincent would pull out all the stops, and at the end there was always a victory.

Just as Texas has had OU... in the years before Texas there was Madison and Katy. Katy was the one win that always seemed to eluded the Marlin grasp, but during Vincent's senior year the Marlins were finally able to defeat its longtime nemesis. I can vividly sitting behind Vincent's mom on the 50 yard line, with his sister right next to their mom. His mom yelled throughout the entire game "Yeah ya'll's been cheatin'! You been cheatin' for five years!" But that year we'd [although I didn't attend Madison, I take my place a the biggest Madison groupie ever] won.

HOUSTON TEXANS AND VINCE

Here's the deal.... Houston, Texans want Vince. Hell Texans want Vince. If the Houston Texans football franchise decide that they do not want Vince they they are idiots and ought to change their name.

After a year of bad passes, terrible offensive coverage, and only two wins.... Houston Texans pride is hurt, and city morale for the team is down. The only way out morale could be lower is if we win 0 games next year. I tell you what, let's see how many seasons tickets the Texans will sell if they choose to pass on Vince Young for Reggie Bush. We need a new reason to buy tickets, and Vince will give us that reason.

Choosiing Vince Young in this year's NFL draft will cause all the old cats from Hiram Clarke to donate pints of blood so that they can buy tickets to see him play in Reliant. I, personally, hadn't seen Vince play in person since the Austin Westlake game of 2001 in the Astrodome, and when the chance to see him play again in Reliant came, there was no way I was passing up on that opportunity. I didn't care how much the tickets cost, or how much spam I'd have to eat to make up for splurging on Club seats to watch my hometown hero play.

An article on the Texans page worth reading...

2006-01-09T07:31:00.000-08:00

Voice of the Fan

Ever since I checked my six voicemessages and was Nextel two-wayed out of my sleep yesterday day by my dearest friend Joey... I have been glued to all Draft prediction material.... if there's draft '06 on the back of gargabe cans I've read it. I guess I've been glued to all things VY since last Wednesay morning when I sent all of my friends text-messages [at 5:36 a.m.] wishing them a Happy UT Championship Day! [yes Wednesday morning before VY and the Longhorns clinched the win].

My question is ... Why is it even a question? Why salvage a mediocre/good QB who really hasn't prooven himself in the past 4 years, when you are getting a new coach, and you can basically rebuild the franchise with a player who is re-ignite the morale of the Houston Texans fanbase and just possibly... quite possibly continue to have a career in football that never ceases to amaze his fans and make believers out of people who never really paid him any attention.

Running backs don't sell tickets; QBs do. If we miss out on VY and do not have a tremdous season next year... the Texans will never hear the end of it from its "former" fans who've traded over to the Tennessee Titans... I'll tell you what... if he goes to Tennessee... I'll have to buy myself a Titain jersey [well all know how I feel about Greek Mythology any way].

Yes I understand that Pro football is very differnt from college ball, but people also said "well high school ball is very different from DI football" and he proved himself in college too....

The Texans will forever regret not drafting VY... because he is going to have a breakout amazing career in football.

USC is great, but Texas is immortal....

2006-01-04T23:02:00.000-08:00

Nuff Said

HAPPY ROSE BOWL DAY

2006-01-04T05:40:00.000-08:00

This is the day for which we have all been waiting.

UT CHAMPIONSHIP FOOTBALL DAY!!!

I have hardly been able to think of anything else. I am sure that most of my friends are probably quite miffed at me, seeing as how the first thing I did when I woke up this morning was to send all of the a "Happy Rose Bowl Day" text message; I woke up at 5:30 a.m.

As for my stupidity, I can't believe that I scheduled a youth department drama team leaders meeting for today. In my defense, I scheduled it over a month ago, and I had a feeling it was on a major day, but couldn't quite manage to put my finger on what was so significant about the day. Well, good thing the meeting starts at 6:15 because it will DEFINATELY be a 30 minute meeting, so I can get out of there by 6:45. I know I shouldn't rush the Lord, but today I think even He would understand.

Sooo... where will YOU be watching the game tonight....

and for you doubters... UT is going to win this game!

Why I'll Never Edit for My Stupid Friends Again

2006-01-03T11:25:00.000-08:00

Over the past couple of years, my friends would email me their papers for school and ask me to edit them. Initially, for my friends whom I knew were terrible writers, I would just make the corrections for them and send them back the final version. At some point, I guess when I stopped taking classes myself, I realized that they were getting As on C papers which I would essentially revise/ rewrite for them. They were getting As on papers which would lead to them gettign better grades, and in the long run college degrees, while I am sitting here in my office [even though I have a very good job] but without that validting piece of paper that would tell corporate America that they are "more qualified than I."

It struck me that as long as I don't have a degree, if one of my friends [for whom I have edited papers] and I came up against the same job it's quite possible that s/he would get the job simple because of that piece of paper that I inadvertantly helped him/her attain.

My delimna over the past couple of months have been whether or not it would be cruel for me, due to those reasons, to stop editing my friends' papers. A part of me really wanted to just say no, but the friend part of me could not stand to sit back and watch my friends turn in papers filled with simple sentences, and phrases what start with "It is, it was, there is, there were, etc."

Well what follows here is a conversation between one of my friends and myself [although I don't think she thinks we are still friends] regarding her personal statement for law school. Oh I wish I still had the version that she sent to me-- this conversation was referencing version three because the first two were just terrible!
Please notice that I edited her paper even though I was busy as sin at work [At my office from 8:00 a.m. until 10:28 p.m. that night working on my stuff]. Read it, and tell me if you think that I was wrong. Heads up! You'll have to pardon the typos.

Kreedle I (9:02:20 AM): did you get my corrections?
Ungratefulbitty (9:02:28 AM): im reading it now
Kreedle I (9:07:28 AM): i didnt leave work until 10:28 last night
Ungratefulbitty (9:08:53 AM): why?
Kreedle I (9:09:17 AM): because i do the work of 2-3 damn people by myself
Kreedle I (9:09:20 AM): and i had mad shit to do
Kreedle I (9:09:28 AM): and i was tired of looking at that shit on my desk
Ungratefulbitty (9:09:54 AM): did u finish everything
Kreedle I (9:10:13 AM): almost
Kreedle I (9:10:25 AM): im about 1/3 or 1/4 of the way done
Ungratefulbitty (9:11:10 AM): oh okay
Ungratefulbitty (9:11:16 AM): thats a plus
Kreedle I (9:11:22 AM): i guess
Kreedle I (9:11:25 AM): im pretty pissed off
Ungratefulbitty (9:11:27 AM): can i ask u a question
Kreedle I (9:11:30 AM): yes
Ungratefulbitty (9:11:46 AM): how come when i ask u to edit stuff its never complete
Ungratefulbitty (9:11:55 AM): like if u gave me a paper
Ungratefulbitty (9:11:58 AM): and asked me to edit it
Ungratefulbitty (9:12:21 AM): i would edit so that when i gave it back to u complete
Ungratefulbitty (9:12:30 AM): or atleast complete the way i would think it is
Ungratefulbitty (9:12:39 AM): but when u edit stuff
Ungratefulbitty (9:12:45 AM): there is more comments than editing
Kreedle I (9:12:54 AM): because i think that when people do that it inhibits them from knowing what they need to fix so they dont me same type of mistakes the next time
Ungratefulbitty (9:13:32 AM): but if i have the original. and i look at ur edited version. i can tell what u edited
Kreedle I (9:13:42 AM): with track changes... i do edit a lot but track changes shows you want i change in hopes that you will understand why i changed
Kreedle I (9:13:53 AM): oh i think stuff gets missed if you are just referencing the original
Kreedle I (9:14:20 AM): a comma to a semicolon -- that gets missed-- and it is very important to understand why and when a comma is changed to a semicolon
Ungratefulbitty (9:17:04 AM): i disagree
Kreedle I (9:17:16 AM): ok
Ungratefulbitty (9:17:24 AM): i know how to use a comma and a semicolon
Ungratefulbitty (9:17:49 AM): the reason why you ask someone to edit something is to fix any mistakes that you overlooked
Ungratefulbitty (9:17:59 AM): or to make something look better than before
Ungratefulbitty (9:18:11 AM): and i asked u to edit my paper
Kreedle I (9:18:15 AM): oh
Ungratefulbitty (9:18:22 AM): cuz i think that you have good writing skills
Kreedle I (9:18:46 AM): thanks
Ungratefulbitty (9:18:48 AM): and would be able to help me have a stronger personal statement
Ungratefulbitty (9:19:13 AM): but when u had it back to me with all these comments i still have to edit it again
Kreedle I (9:19:43 AM): then i guess you could say I proofread and comment... but i dont edit to final version material -- because it is the writers job to produce the final version
Ungratefulbitty (9:20:25 AM): whatever krystal. thanks for proofreading it. i guess ill ask someone else to edit it for me
Kreedle I (9:21:40 AM): o k
Kreedle I (9:22:45 AM): dont get your collegue to do it -- she's not that great a writer
Ungratefulbitty (9:23:05 AM): ur funny
Ungratefulbitty (9:23:37 AM): i ask you to do it cuz i thought u were a good writer. at least she edits it for me.
Kreedle I (9:23:55 AM): she can edit it but she's still not a good writer
Ungratefulbitty (9:24:02 AM): whatever
Ungratefulbitty (9:24:05 AM): dont worry about me
Ungratefulbitty (9:24:07 AM): ill get it done
Kreedle I (9:24:34 AM): dude when writers get their books EDITED their editors don't redo it for them... they comment... they proof... they do not fix it to final version material
Ungratefulbitty (9:24:47 AM): dont worry about it
Ungratefulbitty (9:24:52 AM): its cool
Ungratefulbitty (9:24:56 AM): i will ask someone else
Kreedle I (9:25:20 AM): okay im not going to argue with you about this .... you're the only person .. whoes papers i have ever edited who has had a problem with it... eveyone else just says okay.. fixes the issues and gets an A on their paper
Ungratefulbitty (9:25:30 AM): and furthermore i am not a writer or trying to be a writer.
Ungratefulbitty (9:25:40 AM): i asked u to help me with my personal statement
________________________________________
Auto Response from Kreedle I (9:25:40 AM): Artemis... great name for a horse... yes I know!

MINE!
________________________________________

Ungratefulbitty (9:26:12 AM): and obviously you couldn't
Ungratefulbitty (9:26:16 AM): don't worry about it
Kreedle I (9:26:47 AM): Well then you're up for a feat in law school because it's all writing and reading ... that's all law school is...and you've got to know how to use the english language to get what you want... that's why the big companies always win because they can pay for lawyers who kno how to write [whether they hav epassion or not]
Kreedle I (9:26:53 AM): im not worrying about it
Ungratefulbitty (9:27:07 AM): whatever krystal
Ungratefulbitty (9:27:12 AM): ill do it
Ungratefulbitty (9:27:32 AM): and u dont need to know how to write to be a lawyer
Ungratefulbitty (9:27:42 AM): i work at one of the top lawyers in the country
Ungratefulbitty (9:27:50 AM): i mean law firms
Ungratefulbitty (9:27:55 AM): but it dont matter
Ungratefulbitty (9:28:04 AM): u did what u did, and i'll do what i gotta do
Kreedle I (9:28:32 AM): dude half of the people in law school were ENGLISH majors
Kreedle I (9:28:38 AM): they know how to write
Kreedle I (9:28:41 AM): the good ones do
Kreedle I (9:28:56 AM): okay maybe 1/3 were english majors
Ungratefulbitty (9:29:05 AM): okay. i am not gonna argue with you. if thats what u think
Ungratefulbitty (9:29:14 AM): i work with lawyers and they can't write worth a damn
Ungratefulbitty (9:29:19 AM): but thats not the point
Ungratefulbitty (9:29:28 AM): i dont need u to teach me how to write a paper
Ungratefulbitty (9:29:31 AM): i asked u to edit it
Kreedle I (9:29:42 AM): eveidently you do since you still write with all simple sentences
Ungratefulbitty (9:29:50 AM): u act like u know so much
Ungratefulbitty (9:30:03 AM): how about we forget about the paper
Ungratefulbitty (9:30:12 AM): i will NEVER ask u for anything again
Ungratefulbitty (9:30:24 AM): writing is not my best area so I asked you for help
Kreedle I (9:30:30 AM): and i helped
Kreedle I (9:30:36 AM): you dont get better if someone does it for you
Ungratefulbitty (9:30:38 AM): excuse me if I am not such a WONDERFUL writer like yourself
Kreedle I (9:30:48 AM): you get better by soeomone showing you a better way so you can implement it next time
Ungratefulbitty (9:30:49 AM): whatever Krystal
Ungratefulbitty (9:30:52 AM): that was a low blow
Ungratefulbitty (9:30:55 AM): so how about
Kreedle I (9:31:04 AM): me not finishing school yet
Kreedle I (9:31:08 AM): what is that where you're going
Kreedle I (9:31:11 AM): that was not a low blow
Kreedle I (9:31:14 AM): that was honest
Ungratefulbitty (9:31:21 AM): u say nothing to me from now on. And I will keep it moving with my "simple sentences".
Kreedle I (9:31:38 AM): well ya had a lot of them in there
Kreedle I (9:31:53 AM): sometimes the truth ain't pretty
Kreedle I (9:31:59 AM): but it doesnt stop it from being the truth
Ungratefulbitty (9:32:05 AM): lol there is a lot i could say to you too
Ungratefulbitty (9:32:08 AM): but i wont
Ungratefulbitty (9:32:12 AM): thats not the point
Ungratefulbitty (9:32:50 AM): can u stop writing me. I want nothing to do with you anymore. I came to you as a friend to ask you for help. But you and your "better than everyone" attitude took it to the limit.
Kreedle I (9:33:37 AM): you're right and everything that you "could say to me" i could say to myself too... i know about self-introspection... i know my flaws, and my mistakes so nothing you could really say could really do all that much to me-- its nothing that i have not realized myself

My Favorite Holiday

2005-12-31T14:34:00.000-08:00

Ahh the time has come for a change in the year. I don't know why but New Year's brings such a calm peace to me it's really quite surreal...

New Year's is a chance for me to look back and make realizations about what this past year has brought me:

I realized that this year my salary is about $9000 more than it was just two years ago. This year I went from an intern, to an assistant, to an administrator/ facilitator.
I STARTED THIS BLOG!
How surreal is it that looking back, I realize that I saw him only once this year.... just once. And I'm okay with that.
I found happiness this year. I found happiness with myself, and my happiness resides in my hands, not the hands of my friends, not of my family, and not of a significant other.
I have gone a whole year without seeing or speaking to Justin.
My friend Desiree has moved to DC.
I discovered Facebook.com
2005 brought me a new godson.
I actually active in a church again -- I don't just go anymore.
I've been homeless this year -- displaced by the hurricane.
I've been a mother this year-- due to the hurricane.

As I think of more to add to the list.. I certainly will come back and add them...

But right now, I am going to go take a bath because I stink. I have spent the last 7 and a half hours painting sets for a 15 minute play.... yes I know I know... what-a-nut!! More like a smelly skunk! Gotta jet!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

Tangible Love

2005-12-28T06:30:00.000-08:00

taken for granted
until taken away
seperated by distance
land, water, wind, and trees

never appreciated
until love less tangible
pains the heart
spirit, soul, being, and tears

finally understood
when the longing to touch
and to be touched
goes unfulfilled
while the tangible love of the past
scoffs at the pain
sadness, desire, frustration, and regret
of your future

Krystal Danielle Carter

Healing or Hurting

2005-12-22T12:36:00.000-08:00

I wrote this one day about five years ago, and submitted it to Poetry.com. Apparently, it appears in one of their compilation books...

Today as I was leaving school
I saw a bird
Sitting on a broom
eyes closed
and wings gently tucked
It had been hit by something
unexpected
It bleed a lot
When I saw it
it was in a process
of either healing or dying
And when I saw it I thought
"how awesome is this?"
When you get hit you need a time to heal,
when you get hit you need a time to die,
a concept so simple
that even the bird comprehends
so why don't we?

If You Can't Feed'em Don't Effin Breed 'Em -- 17 Kids is just TOO DAMN MANY

2005-12-18T16:33:00.000-08:00

An article that I just read "Family Welcomes Baby No. 17", has with just cause placed me high upon my soapbox today. This article was a lifestyles piece on the Largest Family in America. Basically two imigrants, since moving to America seven years ago with their eleven children, still do not speak English [the parents nor the kids]. Since they have been here, they have had six more kids. This, for those of you who aren't too quick with the math, means that they have SEVENTEEN biological kids. Now as disgusted as it makes me to imagine spending over 136 months or 11.33 years of my life pregnant, some women may find it to be a wonderful gift from God. Yes, it is amazing that one woman could carry 17 kids through 17 different pregnancies-- I'd never do it, but I shall not discredit it's wonderous nature. So all of these kids could be a beautiful thing.

Those of you who know me, know exactly what I am about to say next. There are TWO MAJOR problems with this story.

No one in this family speaks English.
The dad is a maintance worker and a security guard [not taking anything away from those professions], and the mother is a domestic engineer [a housewife]. This means...they are recieveing public assistance [the nice way of referring to Welfare] to take care of this larger-than-a-football-team hoard that they have chosen to breed-- this is not an assumtion; the article clearly states that they recieve public assistance.

There is no quicker way to become someone for me to despise than to have either of these traits agianst you, but to have BOTH is beyond blasphemous!

Let me explain something; some of us in America work for a living. Granted we may have good jobs that allow us to live well above the poverty level, but we don't do it so that we can support other families who do not and irresponsibly choose to breed more offspring that they cannot support. Having kids, to some, is a beautiful thing. It is a beautiful thing to carry on your lineage. However, there is a level of responibilty that should come along with having offspring.

Here is a hint: If you are already on welfare, or "public assistance" then you ought not have anymore kids. It really is as simple as that. The very state of being on public assistance, is acknowledging that you cannot finacially support your offspring, and that you need help.

For the life of me I cannot understand why people do not understand that their kids should be their own responsibilty. Now, I understand that sometimes people hit hard times, and need help while they kick the dust off and try to regain stability. That is understandable, but to continue to produce offspring when you know your finacial situation has never afforded you the ability to care for what is yours is just irresponsible. It is irresponsible and unfair to those of us who take care of what is ours.

Yes, while writing this, I understand that "welfare recipients receive less than blah blah blah percent of the tax payers dollars." That is not an argument that means anything to me because it is all negated by the fact that "welfare recipients recieve..." I don't care how much. I don't care if it is a penny of every dollar; I do not work to sustain people who do not think enough of themself to get off their lazy asses and sustain themselves. Again, I am not talking about the people on welfare because they have had a rough spot in their life, but always being in a rough spot for lack of looking and actively trying for better, or due to over reproduction when one already knows financially providing for current offspring is beyond a burden... therein lies my issue.

Aside from the finacial aspects of having a family that is so large, there are other consequences of having a family that large that are just irresponsible. There is no way, that as a parent, you can emotionally give each child the time and nurturing that s/he needs. Yes they have lots of brothers and sisters, but there is nurturing time and a parent child bond that needs to be created for children to be healthy that these kids just really can't have.

The articls states that the older kids substitute for the mom sometimes and take care of the younger kids. Howfair is this that your older kids have to be consistent baby-sitters because the parents don't know when to say enough. I say, once you cannot be a fully funtional parent to each child individually, then it's time to stop having kids. Just stop.

Live Anywhere

2005-12-15T22:30:00.000-08:00

So if you could live anywhere where would it be? That's all I've got for you today.... I'm looking for geographic answer...

My answer...
I'd visit all over, but at the end of the day, I'd end up here in good ole Houston, Tx. It's a place where I can raise my kids [that I never plan on having], and teach them good ole' Texas conservative values! --G, I know you'll love that, more people on this earth who think like me!

And his name shall be called Andrew

2005-12-08T18:27:00.000-08:00

I can't figure out why for the life of me, when my life is going so well, a dude decides to pop up and try to eff it up. But today is a new day. A day when I will not let anyone "eff up my high."

So I met this dude; his name is Andrew. His name alone was almost enough for me to cancel him out of a potential dating pool [well that and the fact that I do try very hard to keep my dating pool very empty]. Had my sister not been with me in the Nextel store, I would not even known he was "flirting" with me. I've always been so oblivious. Well, he'd given me his card and kept repeating that his mobile number was on there. I just thought "Okay." Apparently that was some hint that he wanted me to call him.

Well I don't call random dudes, especially random dudes named Andrew [and if any of you close to me think about that for a minute or two you totally understand why]. Like I said, I don't call random dudes, but I am not above text messaging anyone. While in the store my sister and I discussed a cocktail party that I was to attend later that night. So I thought why not see if he would like to join me. I won't know anyone there, and granted I did not know him, but at least it would have given me a buffer person with whom I could converse. So I sent a short little text something to the effect of "Cocktail party downtown after work?" His reply informed me that he was glad that I texted him, and that he wasn't sure if I would have, but he was glad that I did.

Well to make sum up a 3-day story.... We hung out on day 2; he damn near tried to molest me, so I left. Day 3 we hung out again, this time at his place, and he cooked me dinner-- yeah isn't that nuts. It was funny watching someone else cook: normally I'm the one to do it for all of my friends. It was truely strange watching a dude who really knew his way around the kitchen [except he used the way wrong knife to chop his onions; I wanted to tell him, but I refrained]. What really sucked is that he didn't tell me that he was making dinner, and I'd already eaten before I got there. I don't eat twice to be nice-- sorry. But it did smell goood. There was no molestation that night. I'd explained to him via telephone that that was not cool, and it was not my style. It was actually quite chill; after we played cards for about an hour, I went to his room and watched Gray's Anatomy [I told him I wouldn't come unless I could watch my show]. He kicked it in the living room or kitchen or something. He didn't bother me and I didn't bother him. The way things should be. -- anyway enough of that.

The next night we were talking on the phone, and he starts to go on and on about how he would never send his kids to private school. Mind you I have not told him that I went to one of the wealthiest private schools in Houston-- and loved it. Then he starts going on and on about how these stupid rich kids come in his store and he and his collegues laugh in their faces while asking them what company their dad owns. All the while I'm thinking, their dads own companies and you work in Nextel, what the hell gives you a reason to laugh in their faces? Then in a twist of fate he starts talking about kids who actually go to the school that I attended and attributed their lack of common sense to their school. In the middle of his conversation, I go so it's nothing short of amazing that I got out of that school with the about of sense that I have. He had to hush because he realized that he had really stuck his foot in his mouth.

Then I go on to say how much I adored my school and how all ALL of my kids will attend the same school. For some reason he made the conversation about money. By this time it was obvious to me that he was an extreme liberal, and I being the moderate conservative that I am was really not about to change my views just to stay in the good graces of a dude who means no more to me than [sorry can't think of a good analogy here]. Then he goes on to say, I'm sorry I just can't believe you think like that. I told myself a long time ago I'd never associate with someone who thinks like that. He kept saying this over and over again like he was trying to pacify me. All the while I'm thinking this is humerous because that means he will only associate with people who think that all the "common sense" they got in their school is better than the knowledge that schools like mine could provide, and he will always be with the people who laught at the rich people who are in essence paying his salary. Question, where does he think the CEO of Nextel/Sprint send his kids to school. An though many may not like it people of power come from schools like mine.

So as he went on and on about how he can't associate with me, saying the same thing 3 different ways. I merely asked him, "Do you think I am retarted? Why are you saying the same thing over and over again." I went on to tell him that he is welcome to think how he thinks, and my life would be close to completely unaffected by us not speaking. I really couldn't care less.

I went to get my nails done yesterday, after I'd gotten my "hair did." My nail place [where I have been going for 3 years] is right next door to his job, and as soon as I pulled up he walked out; I smiled, nodded, and as he began to walk towards me to speak, I walked into the nail salon without so much as looking back. He was nothing to me before, and is nothing to me now. I just wrote about him because I hadn't written in a while, and I don't have enough time right now to tell you all about my trip to the Big 12 Championship game to see Vince Young play in person for the first time in 4 years. I'll do that post when I get back from training my newbies here in Kansas City.

Yes. I am on another business trip. I'll tell you all about it later. Peace!

Big Development... Big Decisions

2005-11-26T08:22:00.000-08:00

Yes. I have been MIA for a little bit, but with good cause.

I have one really huge development coming up, but I won't go into detail about it with blogland at least until February.

I'm buying a horse! Some of my family came in from out of town for the holidays, and one of my uncles owns a ranch and some horses. We all decided to take the Californian side of the family horseback riding: we had to show them how we Texans do it. Ha! I am a Texan, and every time I have ever ridden a horse I'd been petrified! Not yesterday. I started learning to ride it, and I feel in love with it.

Horses are beautiful animals. They are strong. They are fierce. They are soft. All in one package. So I dismounted for the 4th time and told my uncle that's it time to get me one. He's gonna go look for one for me, and hopefully I'll have him for my birthday. Initially, when I told him I wanted a horse he didn't belive me. I think he started believing me when I went to the bank and took out the money that he said it'd cost for my horse and handed it to him. Ima be a horseowner!

As for the big decision, I have a confession to make. I have secretly been keeping my relationship with a certain guy from you all here at blogland. We've actually been together for about seven months. He's everything that should be "better" for me. Today, I had to let him go. I'd never "broken up" with someone before, and of all people, he shouldn't have been the first. Everyone close to me thought he was great. Nothing was moving to quickly. But what everyone else thought was better for me just seemed to bore me half to death. There were no challenges with him. He never made me want to rip my hair out. He never frustrated me. He never caused me to think at all. He was intelligent but not so much so that he intrigued me. Sometimes I'd even think of other dudes while I should have been thinking of him. I can't be bored, and I just have to realized that what everyone else thinks should be good for me, just won't meet my requirements. What everyone else thinks is best simply bores me... so I'll wait. But I can't be bored.

Forgot to Mention

2005-11-13T22:43:00.000-08:00

My ex-bestfriend had her baby [for real this time]!

Be proud of me; I even went to visit her in the hospital, and took a few gifts. I mean, once upon a time, our friendship was worth a hundred bucks in baby products.

What was weird, was during that entire hospital visit [which lasted all of maybe 7 minutes], it all seemed quite void. It was void of the magical kinship that I sometimes though would surface, should we ever run into each other again. There was no room for nostalgia. She's forging a new life, one that I do not even feel sad that I'm missing.

I don't say that to sound cruel, but it is what it is. How do you not miss something like the friendship that was had? Maybe it's just another one of those things that I will never understand, but have no problem accepting.

I guess it's just like reading... then finishing a chapter of a book.

No regrets. Just moving forward.

If I Were Looking for A Man

2005-11-13T18:42:00.000-08:00

I'd move to New York.

Maybe I smiled a little more. Maybe I actually flirted [didn't even know I knew how to do it.

Maybe it was just that they didn't know me. They didn't know the workaholic, the anal retentive control freak who feels like if I can't control it logically, then I don't want to be involved.

Maybe I was giving off the scent of a woman in heat or something, whatever it was, the boys were bitting. The Russian. The dude in Stamford. The dude in Greenwich [yeah, maybe it's a sister thing]. The dude at the bar in my hotel. The dude in Times Square off 47th street. And the taxi driver.

I don't think I've had that many bites, like real follow-throughs [actually calling to meet up that same night for drinks], in one week in my life. I met up with one of my high school friends; when she opened the door and saw me, the first thing she said was, "You look so good! You look happy."

The first words out of my mouth [without me even thinking] were, "I am!" Looking happy means so much more to me than just looking good. Happiness has to come from within.

I'm happy with life. I'm happy with my job. I'm happy I'll be back in school this semester. I'm happy I made $6K for doing absolutely nothing [and it was legitimate]. I love that happiness [true happiness] is exuding from the inside and showing outside. I love that things that shouldn't matter to me, no longer matter to me. I love that I am truely happy in my independence, and in all aspects that make up my life. I am happy that I do not have a man. I'm happy that I didn't get the one I wanted, because then I'd be unbalanced [and I would have felt bad flirting with the NYC dudes]. I'm happy that God knows what't best and allows things to be forgotten when they should be winks!

What Goes on in New York

2005-11-09T10:34:00.000-08:00

Stays in New York.

That's all I'm saying.

Raise Your Hand If You Have A Company Expense Account

2005-11-08T11:42:00.000-08:00

Can you see it?

My hand... it's raised... can you see it?

Oh the great perks of working in corporate America. Sometimes it's sad to think, teachers, the people who are responsible for our education affording us the opportunity to join the corporate world, do not get to enjoy the simple pleasures that we corporate folk do.

I'm still in NYC, and will be here until Friday or Saturday. I called My Superman (I'm his Moviestar) who now resides in NYC to see if he wanted to meet up and see a show on Broadway while I'm here. The great part is that I get to expense like everything... our pre-play dinner, our Broadway tickets, the amazing maragritas that I have here at the hotel daily [they are the best I've ever tasted, but the bartender told me he learned how to make them while living in Texas], the $18.10 Swiss Cheeseburger, dinner with a friend of mine from Hampton, the taxi rides I started taking because one day of the subway is just about all I am willing to handle, and most importantly my phat hotel suite facing Times Square [including but not limited to my room service, and dry cleaning].

How could anyone pass up the lucrative ops that the corporate world has to offer. Some teachers have to damn near beg and plead for reiembursements for their Office Depot receipts when they buy supplies for their classrooms. That is just rediculous; we really ought to do better by them.

Anyway back to NYC. Yesterday, I met my friend from Hampton at her office about 13 blocks from my hotel. She wanted me to go with her to Queens, and she'd bring me back to the city later that night. I complied, but only because I didn't know what the trip to Queens would entail. First, we had to take what had to be the MOST jam packed subway into Queens [a ride that lasted 943809584 hours], then once in Queens we had to take a city bus for another 903948503 minutes to her block. Now, I'm a Southern city girl. We drive cars. All of that public transportation was a bit too much for me to handle. I can't believe she makes that commute almost daily. Needless to say, she drove me back into the city because we were not doing that commuting thing again. I will just say that I was very impressed with how inexpensive all of that was. We went a total of [I'm assuming here] 17 miles for only $2. The transfer from the subway to the bus was free. That's definately cheaper than gas!

Well, Superman and I will go see "Mama Mia" on Wednesday; I'll let you know how that goes. Hey if it's really good, maybe we'll get some Superstars out of it [winks].

On Broadway

2005-11-08T05:20:00.000-08:00

So I am out of town on business. I arrived in New York on Sunday night for an Administrator's workshop for our new CRM Program. As I am now responsible for this new [awesome] program, training, setting best practices companywide, and solving user issues, my superior thought it would be best for me to spend my 5-day week here in the Big City.

Day one was an arduous one. Let me just say that my credit card was stolen in Houston one business day before I was supposed to leave...can you say nightmare? Have you ever tried traveling with a temporary ATM card?!?! I didn't even know they still made ATM cards w/o a Visa/Mastercard logo. Well here are the down sides...

You can't swipe one of these wreched cards at any terminal.
You have to carry cash to buy anything [cash is dirty... I've seen where they put some of those nasty $1 bills]
You can't put a hold on your temporary atm card for a hotel room because they can't swipe it!
Lastly, there is a daily cash maximum that can be withdrawn from an ATM machine

It seems to me as though these wierdos are out to get us. Can you imagine going to NYC, getting to your hotel on Broadway which costs an estimated $407 a night and having a daily cash maximum of $309 on your temp. ATM card? Well, it's NOT cool let me tell you.

So I get to the Doubletree Time Square and have no way of placing the hold for about $2047 for the week, because some ratbastard has stolen my credit card and gone on a shopping spree at HEB. I have the funds in my account to cover the week at the hotel, but can't access them. It's about 10 p.m. at night; I have to call our VP of Marketing. The only way I can get the authorization for my room is to send him a credit card authorization form by fax, only he does not have a fax machine at his house. He lives in a small town, so he called around, and found a BEst Western with an available fax line. He drives to the Best Western to fax the authorization form and a copy of his driver's license we receive the copies, so he goes back home.

When the Doubletree Rep starts to check me in she realizes that he didn't fax a copy of the card. Well the reservations person didn't tell me that he needed a copy of his card. So I call the VP back and explain the situation to him, a situation that will end with him having to leave his house again to go back to Best Western to refax his credit card. Then another problem! He has a dark gold card, so when he faxed it in it came though almost pitched black. The numbers were illegible. By this time I was totally fed up. I explained to them that I am paying $2000 to stay at their hotel for a week and they need to accommodate me. Needless to say after about another 5 minutes of becoming civilly irate they finally accepted the dark copy of the card.

Well at least my room is, in a word....niiiicee. I have the most incredible view of Broadway from my window. I look out of my bedroom window to see great Beauty and the Beast, and Lion King displays. There are pretty great resturants right in my area. From my living room window I see this huge Sprint bilboard with a humongoginormous cat on a string. These billboards are like 10 times the size of those in Texas. I'd still never want to live here. I had the hardest time trying to sleep with the blinking HSB billboard flashing in my window, and inceasent sirens blaring though the night, and the honking. Oh lord the honking. It's a nice place to visit, and I love that I am totally "in the mix."

My Reply to SapphireSoul

2005-11-03T20:36:00.000-08:00

Being in the church, it's so hard to belive when you see the corruption of those who stand right in the pulpit. It's also hard when you go home with those who stand in the pulpit or in leadership and see what you think is the bride of Satan himself.

I had such a hard time with faith until I moved out of my parents house. I stopped going to church, and just breathed.

I never really leaned towards atheism, but I did lean toward a diest belief that God made the world and all in it, and left it to run naturally, without any interference. I guess to a certain extent I still believe that, but not I do feel God is more real in my life, because I stopped looking at the God of my parents, but the god with whom I began to forge a relationship personally.

The God I read about for myself in my own Bible. I am not sure if he interacts, but since I began attending Lakewood Church two years ago, I have found more peace in starting my day with God.

Today was a terrible day for me, and this was the first day in a while that I have not started it with my personal devotion time with God. Starting in a positive, God has something better in store for me outlook everyday just makes the day easier. I accept that bad things happen because God in his greatness did give us the power of choice, and unfortunately some people make bad choices which in turn negatively affect others.

And I have taught myself that the bad things through which I have gone in my life, have greatly prepared me to be an effective positive light in someone else's life who may be going through the same things.

Sorry my comment was so long, but I had to share it, because I totally felt your frustration, and I lived with it for many years and I still resort to it on occassion.

Bluntness: A Gift and a Curse

2005-11-01T10:05:00.000-08:00

It took me a long while to be blunt about many things. Well, I finally learned. And look at where it's gotten me.

In some respects it's freed me, but in those same respects, I have always been blunt.

In others, the hard one, it's gotten me no where but in a deep pool of having said too much, and having been too honest, and still ending up empty-handed.

6 Years Since TDT

2005-10-25T19:59:00.000-07:00

Those of you who are my loyal readers, and those of you who are my devoute friends you knew I couldn't let this day go by without noting it. It is quite frankly the closest I'll ever come to having a six year anniversary [since I'm never getting married and all]. This was the day, it all started so long ago.

The day that would cuz heartache for at least the next six years. I feel like a sick effin puppy.

Maybe one day in the future, when I feel like I can detach my emotions from the story, I'll actually sit down in the style of Kim, and tell you the story from beginning to lingering end.

My Brother-In-Law Is On CRACK!

2005-10-24T13:46:00.000-07:00

This excerpt is the conversation between my brother-in-law and his boss.... I knew he was a crackhead!

mike: "what are you doing tomorrow night"

dave: "tuesday... let me check... nothing, what scary chore do you have for me?"

mike: "how about going to the world series"

dave: "woa. yes! wow. thank you."

dave: "can you get my wife in there?"

mike: "let me check, I'm about to pick up the tickets now. I''ve given the others away though"

calls him back

mike: "I have six tickets and have commited the five, unfortunately I can't get Aisha in"

dave: "I know this will sound like I'm on drugs, but I'll be either be glued to the TV with my wife or sitting in the stands with her."

mike: "I totally understand. I hope your wife knows the amazing man she has."

:) Yes, I think she does.

My sister's response to her husband telling her this story...

You ARE on drugs.
GO TO THE GAME!!!
That wasn't a request.
I appreciate the love. Please, if the offer still stands, go to the game!

A.

This all sounds a little too Good Will Hunting for me!

Bandwagon Fan

2005-10-23T15:44:00.000-07:00

Black Hair.... DeBraiding and All That Jazz

2005-10-21T22:19:00.000-07:00

Some people say that I have been assimilated into white culture because of the many ethnic things that I do not do. My speech is more proper than most black twenty-somethings, and I listen to country music [Yes I do thank you! Tim McGraw is the man!]. I do not dispute these facts, but I must say that I do not intentionally try to avoid black heritage, as much as I shy from ghettoisms that seem to infultrate our society, and carry myself in such a way that the stereotypes seem out of place for me.

Why I felt that the previous paragraph was a necessary preface to this post, I am not sure. However, I must say, that no matter how assimilated one seems to think I have become to White America, there are still somethings that I cannot avoid [not like I try to avoid sed others].

I still have BLACK HAIR.

A little history lesson, everyone in my family line for at least the past two generations [inclusive of my grandparents and my parents] have been black; when I say family line I am referring to the direct reproduction efforts that led to my own creation [aunts, uncles, and cousins not included]. Well, as I was saying as my two previous generations have been black and from the Texas and Northern Louisana areas I do not have that "good" more accuartely define soft with loose waves hair. My hair is coarse, and if I don't perm it, it gets nappy!

Growing up in a family of hairstylist, my hair always looked hmm decent, well if I'd sit down long enough to get it done. Even if I didn't get it done I'd still look hmm decent enough to walk out of my house and not get a "Ooh no she didn't." I was always under the impression that if people used the right products then their hair could have the mobility of mine and my sisters', and the luster, and the capibility of sleeping on it and just waking up in the morning and it being okay. Boy was I wrong.

My sister and I decided to take notice of Black hair today while we were chaperoning her 7th graders' field trip. And two little black girls started playing in each other's hair. First, it was evident that the little girl needed her ends clipped, and a deep conditioning. But beyond that the child's hair seemed unsalvageble. I remember when I was younger, and would play really hard my hair would shoot up all over my head but it would still not be as stiff and completely unmanagable as some of the other heads I have encountered.

We've finally realized that there are just some heads of hair, no matter what type of perm is used, will never have body, bounce, volume; it will always just look like someone drew cartoon character imobile hair onto that person's head... Oh but that's mean and I digress.

Anyway none of this has anything to do with the fact that I just spent the past few hours debraiding my sister's hair! I have hair fungus under my nails [as she has had them in probably a little longer than 9 weeks]. These are the trials of a black woman and hair. After sitting in a chair for hours to get the braids... the multiple hours of fungral braid removal hardly seem worth it. But then it is because for 6-8 weeks, we live knowing that when we wake up all we have to do is wake up!

I am just glad that I have finally developed a routine for my own hair. My hair tips, not like I'm a hair expert or anything because I'm not. I keep hair issues so very simple.

I shampoo every three days..yes your first reaction is "You are not white; you can't shampoo your hair that often." Well I do. I have found that shampooing my hair so often softens my naps and I can go 2 months instead of 1 betwen perms.
I get a perm every 2 months now instead of 4 weeks.
I do NOT use gel, mouse, spritz, holding spray, or any other crusty bang product that makes your hair hard and dirty and stank.
After shampooing I air dry in a ponytail. Man when I comb that ponytail out, it has more fluidness than water itself.
As far as hair products... I ONLY use one specific brand's perm, shampoo, conditioner, normalizer, and oil moisturizer.... I used to be a Revlon girl, but after one try with this other REALLY good stuff I was changed for life!
Get my ends clipped... okay that's an understatement. For the past year I have been saying that I was going to let my hair grow. But for some reason I have found myself addicted to the scissors. I don't know what it is. It is a sickness. Every 2 months when I get my hair permed, and flat ironed, and see that my hair has reached the middle of my shoulder blades, I play in the mirror for about 30 mins, and then the inevitable. "Cut it off please, to right below my ears."
As pretty and as coveted and mi-long hair is, I'm a chick of convience. When it's past my neck, it won't all fit in my pink silk scarf without me rolling, folding or clipping it up. If I fold it then it has that crease that I would have to flat iron out every morning. No thank you! Just wack it off please.

That's enough. I really just wanted to give you all something to read, as I had not blogged in a while. I am not sure how coherent all of that was, but hey(!) it's a post ain't it!

Revisiting the Readers' Favs

2005-10-11T22:01:00.000-07:00

In the style of Areyl, I decided I would list for you my posts which seem to have been the post popular among the readers of TIOPCW.... so here you go!

Bringing up the rear in 4th place, I have 3 post which each received 6 comments:

In Loving Memory of a Great Kid
Before I'm 50 I'll ____________
and my favorite of the bunch...
God, so you wanted me to test out Womanhood... here are the defects

In 3rd place with a whopping 7 comments we have:

No Love Live = Death? No Way

In 2nd place, and probably my all time favorite:

Juniors and "The Seconds" NOT IN MY HOUSE!

And in 1st place, and I should almost feel bad for highlighting this one, but who cares! Is probably the most emotional one for me to date... although if you read the comments you'll get to see what makes an already emotional piece just flat out humiliating.... but damn if it wasn't some of my best writing ever thank you for that...

Number One All Time Favorite Among My Readers:

UNTITLED

I KNOW.... I KNOW

2005-10-11T17:10:00.000-07:00

...that it has been almost an entire month since I have written anything worth reading. It's not that I don't have anything to write. It's just that I've have too much to write; I can't even gather all of my thoughts.

Topics that randomly float through my head:

Evacuating Houston...Worse than Hell
Would I ever Evac again
Puking more than any one human should in her lifetime twice
Running from the Runs
How a 6 hour ride becomes a 15 hour sojourn filled with vomit and stomach frills
Why I love the government
We're in the Money Now
Writing incoherent emails, not because you're drunk, but because you're sleepy
Being a volleyball Sister-mom because the kid's parents are deployed
Being the only female in an office of 20 guys
My Godson Shat In Your Hands!
Don't click the "how do i look" IM link in AOL or your are asking for it!!
Picking the perfect Names for your Breasts

I've had tons to say, and even as I make this list, I'm sure I'm leaving out some stuff. I'll get back in the game; I promise.

SO GET OFFA MY BACK ALRIGHT!

Trashley's Edition

2005-10-03T07:29:00.000-07:00

I had to remove the last post because Trashley did not approve... so I'm no longer Inadequate...

Inadequate

2005-10-02T20:00:00.000-07:00

This is another entry that must be typed with my eyes closed, and my heart wide open. I have a hard time always speaking the truth when I feel myself in a conscious state of mind, but with my eyes closed, I can tell my fingers that whatever they produce is nothing more than a dream.

I have reasoned myself out of marriage, and love, and children on occasion. I have discovered the best possible reasons to go without all three. They all make perfect sense. They truely do, but for some reason my heart is not following suit. While my heart does not tug at the idea of marriage, it will not allow me to escape love. The fact that I know that love is more hurtful to me, because of whom I love, and that I can't make myself stop, makes me feel inadequate. I can't control my thoughts, the things that tug at that emotional side of me that I still arduously try to surpress, I can't control the repetition of one name and its daily exsistence in my life, and that makes me feel inadequate.

I was watching The Terminal the other day, and in the movie the major character has a beat in which he simply says [over and over] "I wait." I feel like I'm still waiting, but waiting on never, waiting on a possibility that is just not possible, and even if it was possible I shouldn't want it anyway.

I've tried many mediums to ignore the period of waiting. I ahve tried replacing; I have tried self-absorbtion; I ahve tried just forgetting. The ironic thing is that when you try to forget, it causes you to remember even more.

I simply cannot gethim out of my system. I want to. I really want to. When asked "why did I like him?" by one and "Did you want to marry him?" by another the only thought I could conjure up was that the verb tense in that sentence is incorrect- even though I wish the past perfect was the correct tense for that wuestion. When whill I move on? When will I let go of the piercing assasin which invades my daily exsistence?

damn not bad for me to have done that with my eyes closed...

A Little Something Called Trust

2005-09-19T06:45:00.000-07:00

I recently had a rather huge confontation with a friend of mine over some major trust issues. This happened a few days ago, but I decided to wait to write this for two reasons:

I wanted to calm down and not write this while I was furious
I wanted to make sure I had my package in hand, just in case he read this and decided to do something stupid. Hey some people are crazy.

The Story
My boss recently purchased a new laptop for me, for business uses. I already owned my own personal laptop, thusly leaving me with two laptops [three computers total since I have a desktop as well]. Needless to say, many of my friends asked me for my personal laptop since I was getting a new one. Even my father [the most computer shy person I know asked for it]. I told them all no. However, there was one friend who persisted: from June until August he wouldn't let the fact that I had two laptops rest. He asked repeatedly for me to trade my fairly new personal laptop for his not-so-new laptop [mine has a CD burner and he needed it].

As my personal laptop is the most personal item I own, I continually told him no. However, his asking was incesent. Finally, in late August, he either called or IMed me to tell me he was coming to Houston for two back to back weekends-- he lives in Dallas. He asked if he could pick up the laptop the first weekend and bring it back SEVEN days later [Labor Day weekend]. Tired of saying no, I finally agreed under the stipulation that I received my laptop back the following weekend. I told him that, at the time, I was using both of my laptops for a project, so it was imperative that I received my baby back during Labor Day weekend.

Well, needless to say Labor Day weekend comes, and I get either a call or an IM or a text message from him telling me because the gas prices shot up so rapidly, he wouldn't be coming to Houston Labor Day weekend-- it starts. I did find it odd however, that he managed to make it to Mississippi that very same weekend [but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt assuming he didn't drive there]. Labor Day weekend was the weekend of the 1st. However, as of the 7th I still had not received my computer.

I called him [note I made contact here] to ask him to ship my computer to me. He told me that his roommate was coming to Houston, and he would bring it or something like that.

Problem #1: I told him my most personal and important posession to Houston with a stranger

I told him he could call a mutal friend of ours who also lives in Dallas and ask her when she is coming to Houston next, and possibly give her my laptop to bring with her, and I gave him her number just in case he didn'tstill have it.

Needless to say, he lost the number and, from what I could tell had made no other arrangements to get my computer back to me. So on Monday the 12th, nearly two weeks after I was supposed to have my computer back, I contacted him again to ask him when he was getting my computer to me. He then tells me that his roommates girlfriend was coming to Houston this weekend and would drop my computer off at his mom's house, and I could pick it up from there.

Problem #s 2, and 3: If I didn't what it to come to Houston with his roommate, whom I have at least met once, why in the hell would I be okay with it coming down with his roommate's girlfriend whom I had never met before in my life?
"She would drop it off at his mother's house, and I could get it from there."??? What in the world?! If I was kind enough to let you borrow my most personal posession then you need to make sure I shouldn't have to go out of my way to get my stuff back from you!

I told him that was not acceptable and he would either have to:

Bring it back to Houston the next time he comes, pending that time period would not exceed three weeks
Give it to our mutual friend who could bring it to me, pending she would be coming to Houston within the next three weeks
Or ship it to me

So he asks me for her number again: this means he was not responsible enough to write it down the first time, and that he had not even called her the first time I mentioned this option to him.

Speaking of OPTIONS let's note how many times I give him options here. The first being the initial return on Labor Day, the next three are those bulleted directly above the previous paragraph.

After I talk to him and give him these three options [on Monday] my professional computer breaks on me. Because of the warranty that I have, I have to send my computer to Dell to have it fixed. With my professional computer in Dell's hand and my personal computer in Dallas, this leaves me virtually computerless. I call him back on Wednesday, after I realize that there is no way to avoid sending my computer to Dell, and tell him that I need him to ship my computer no later than Thursday because if he doesn't I'll be computerless, and will not be able to work on a project for work that I really need to complete.

Well, needless to say, Thursday comes and he does not send it. He tells me that I will have to wait until he gets paid next week in order to get it via FedEx. Well, that's just not good enough. It isn't an option. I have to work, and I need my computer.

This is when it gets stressful. I call him, and we play phone tag because he's in a meeting @ 8:00 p.m. I finally get a hold of him and I tell him I need it immediately, so he MUST ship it on Friday morning. Once we are on the phone he tells me that he was in a car wreck that day. I try to be sympathetic but I could really careless, because had I received my computer, had he taken care of that [at this point] what was three weeks ago, his car wreck wouldnot have been a factor. He tells me that he will send it with his roommate's girlfriend because he doesn't have the money to ship it.

Option 5: I tell him I still do not want my most personal posession in the hands of someone I do not know from Dallas to Houston. So he should take the package to FedEx and for payment options, put pay for by recepient upon delivery, and include a blank check signed which I can deposit after he gets paid, because I shouldn't have to pay for the shipping of my own computer after I'd allowed him to use it as a favor to him.

His response to this is, "Well how am I supposed to ship it if I do not have a box and packaging?" HELLO! Go to Wal-Mart; they restock at night. Get a box and stuff it with newspaper. He has a problem with this because that would mean he'd have to go to Wal-Mart and get a box to ship it. Since he feels that I am just being unreasonable he tells me yet again that he is just going to send it to Houston with his roommate's girlfriend [yes, the chick I do not know].

I once again tell him this is not an option, and that he has to ship it. Then his childish ass goes, well you don't know the FedEx man either. WHAT AN IDIOT. I was trying to tell this story without any biast but I'm allowed. Sure I do not know the FedEx man, but I know that FedEx can and will insure my package... unlike his roomate's girlfriend.

Then he argues that if she brings it to Houston, I could have it on Friday... yes, granted I could have it on Friday pending nothing happens to it while it is in her posession, and IF something happens to it while it is in her posession, I wouldn't get it or a reiembursement for it ever because she CAN'T ENSURE MY CRAP.

This goes on and on and on for about 30 minutes. I begin yelling and screaming because he doesn't understand that he fucked up. He was irresponsible and careless with my most personal posession, and no matter what the case, or his financial situation he needs to rectify his problem in a grown up manner, whether it inconvienced him or not, and in a matter that was acceptable by me-- the favor giver and computer owner.

This arguement got so intense that I ended up throwing my phone at the wall and just crying uncontroallably. You have no idea how personal this computer is to me. I finally calmed myself enough to call him back, and reiterate that my computer is to be shipped and not sent home with a stranger. He still doesn't get it and he continues to tell me that he is going to send ti home with the girl. Unable to even stomach the sound of his voice for another 20 seconds I finally had my cell phone over to my father, and tell him that when he gets off of the phone the understanding needs to be that my computer will be shipped and insured for a value of $1200 USD no exceptions.

My dad talks to him, and tells him to just "ship it to keep the peace." What the fuck? NO! He needs to ship it because, "Krystal is not being unreasonable. you have somthing very dear to her, that she allowed you to use after begging for it for MONTHS, and since she did that as a favor to you, since it is her computer you ought to send it back the way she requests since you didn't send it back the way you were supposed to almost three weeks ago."

Finally the conversations are over. Our friendship absolved. And my computer returned [via UPS].

After it was all over, I had to sit back and figure out why I was so angry at this situation. I figured it out, while not on the same scale, I decided it was as if I had given someone permission to take my child out of town with the promise to bring my child back to me. Once out of town the trustee decides it's inconvient for him [for one reason or another] to bring my child back. THusly he also decides that it is perfectly acceptable to send my child back to me in a car with someone whom I have never met. That is not acceptable; I can tell you if ever in that situation, my child would have to be sent back to me on Continental where s/he would be assigned a personal flight attendant to ensure my child makes it back to me.

I know a comptuer is not a child, but my computer is as close as a motherless person gets. All of my writings, all of my personal databases, all of my everything that I ever want to remember. It should have told him something when I trusted him with the key to my apartment, but not the password to my User account on my computer of how much more I value my computer over anything else I own. To be careless with that trust is beneath a friend.

To not understand how his being inconvienced after not being responsible for getting my property back to me is immature.

He doesn't get it; in the real world... you fuck up... you fix it whether it inconviences you or not.

So your thoughts.... was a wrong? If so how?

Mr. 26 Things has unfortunately Resurfaced

2005-09-11T17:10:00.000-07:00

As I was minding my business, and just as I thought that May 13th would be the last I'd ever heard from Mr. 26, I get a phone call while driving the company car around the city doing some little ish. The conversation as it transpires... roughly.

"Can I talk to Krystal?"
"Um this is she."
"Oh my god. I'm so glad you answered. I've been looking for your number for months. Man, I've been looking for your number forever"
"Um okay. It's good you found it then."
"Yeah so how have you been? I've been thinking about you for months"
"I'm well but may I ask with whom it is I am speaking?"
"Hunh?"
"Who is this?"
"Oh it's (insert his name that begins with a J here) from the parking lot at your old job."
akward pause as i am trying very hard not to sound like aw shit i thought i was rid of you
"Oh hi. Well , I'm on another call so I'll have to call you later"
"How much later?"
"Not sure. I'm on the other line."
"Oh okay."
"Bye" clicks back over to continue conversation with cousin

five minutes later

"krystal are you still on the phone?"

more to come....

arrrrruuuuuuughhhhhhhhhh. I promise, if I had not hand-picked my number ot be my birthday, I'D CHANGE IT!

What Texans Feel Bad for Thinking, so We're Not Saying It... but I Will

2005-09-09T22:20:00.000-07:00

This entire post was typed with my eyes closed, so please excuse any typos.

I feel the need to preface this post by saying that I am not a mean and hateful person. I do not bask in the misfortunes of others; I have a deep saddness for those who have been displaced by hurricane Katrina.

There are two types of people:

Feelers-- these people tend to go with the gut instinct. They allow emotions to play a major role in their decision making. Often feelers' actions are motivated by instinctual urges.
and Thinkers-- these people tend to think and go with [hopefully well-thought] strategies. In instances of turmoil, they take a minute to say let's look at this long term. What decisions right now will workout best in the long run? No matter what the instance is they tend to put aside their emotions in order to make decisions that are as realistic as possible.

Having said all of that, I believe many Texans are truly concerned, as am I, about the effects of housing more than 230,000 Katrina victims/survivors. Many of us are concerned about how this will effect not only our quality of life, but also our economy. There are many mistakes being made out of a need to make quick decisions-- these quick decisions could very well prove harmful in the long run.

Examples

The Chase Debit Card: Many of the victims, brought to Texas from the Superdome and Arena are now receiving debit cards with a $2000 prestored value on them. The concept behind this card was genuinely a great idea. However, the execution could have stood to be improved. As these cards are debit cards, people can get cold cash back from these cards. They can use them to purchase anything from anyone who accepts theAmerican dollar or the MaserCard logo. Personally, I believe these cards should ahve been tailored, somewhat like the foodstamp cards so that only certain items could be purchased with these cards. In some cases the governemnet is handing over $2000 debit cards to people who have never had $2000 in their position at one time. Putting that type of money into people's hands who may not be accustoed to that amount of money is potentially hazardous. I would just hate to see that money [taxpayer dollars] go to alcohol, or a certain desinger outfit that wasn't never in reach before.
Housing: Beyond the debit card issue, housing is probably a very large concern among my statemates. I am nto callous; I am being very real right now. The vast majority of the people who were brought to Houston's Astrodome from the Superdome and the Arena lived below the poverty level when at their peak in New Orleans. Many of them were underprivilaged and undereducated in New Orleans. Many of them have always looked to Houston as "the better life," and before many of them had no means of getting here. Well, as a result of a major disaster we have opened our doors and brought them to us. Howe many of those people do you truly believe have any intention of leaving Houston when they are presented with the opportunity to go back home to NO or elsewhere. Many of these people had never even left New Orleans, so leaving a new place where they are begining to set roots is not too plausible. The problem then becomes, that Houston would then need to be able to house, on a more permanent basis those who choose to stay. We are a generous people down here in Texas [our name in itself means friend] so we are not going to force people to leave. However all of these additional people would be murderous on our economy. We are essentially taking one city and putting it into an entirely difernet city. In houston we have recently been putting up very nice townhomes and the property value here has increased. However, I have talked to many native Houstonians, who previously were making attempts to move back to Houston. Many of them no longer wanted to come because of all of the new tenants we will inevidently have.
"If I wanted to live in Louisiana, I would have gone to school there," one friend said. It's a legitimate issue. Are we going to have to start buildign more section 8 houses to house those who were already subpoverty level in N.O? By no stretch of the imagination are there an additional 100,000 jobs here in Houston, let alone 200,000. Of the jobs in Houston, many of them require a higher level of education, so the victims are not taking the qualified jobs. However, with the sudden influx of people, those who may have been inclined to move here may decide against it because of our new tenants.
Lifestyle: New Orleans people, their culture is vastly different from those in the rest of the country. That cannot be disputed. The loitering on Bourbon streeet, and the openly accepted purchasing of alcohol by minors are evident unto themselves that life out there was different. The Astrodome recently invoked an 11 P.M. curfew for the victims in the Dome. Many were upset. I have a question. What could one be doing, outside of the dome, after 11 p.m., without any money. We do not loiter in Texas.
Crime: We are all concerned about it. On day two of project "house the victims" a woman or more was raped. An influx of car breaks in have occured in the Medical Center [Astrodome area] since we've opened our doors. I am not calling all victims or New Orleanians criminals. I am nto doing that. I am however, asking if we are really ready to see the type of influx in crime that can come with a distraught hoard of an additional 230,000 people.
Safety. I was reading an article that brought up a great point. Displaced Katrina kids are about to stat going to school with the kids already here in Texas. As these vitims/survivors have been exposed to everything from the current outbreak of TB in the Dome and the Ecoli in the waters in NO, without any form of vaccination records, many of our kids are being put at risk.

I think what I am basically trying to say, is that we have to make sure that in the midst of our helping, we don't forget to take care of home too.

I was in the Galleria today, and saw this dude with his wristband on carrying two Saks Fifth Avenue bags out. I saw a long line of evacuees at the ATM machine inside of Target. And oh so many were in the beauty shops and nails shops. A realist's approach says what happens when they've blown the $2000 from that debit card on their hair, nails, and the stuff from Saks, and the Louis Vitton bag one when it behind me to buy? Will they stand at the feet of the government and ask for more?

Something Cool -- What I Have Done and What I Have Yet To Do

2005-09-08T14:42:00.000-07:00

Insomnia Fun

Stolen from Karaoke Diva and legalchick

Rules: Copy, paste, and bold the ones that you’ve done.

01. Buy everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swim with wild dolphins
03. Climb a mountain
04. Take a Ferrari for a test drive
05. See the Pyramids at night
06. Hold a tarantula
07. Take a candlelit bath with someone --sans candles one of the greatest days of my early 20s until...
08. Say ‘I love you’ and mean it
09. Hug a tree
10. Do a striptease
11. Do a bungee or parachute jump
12. Visit Paris
13. Watch a lightning storm at sea
14. Clean behind the fridge
15. Stay up all night long, and watch the sun rise.
16. Ask a question you’ve always been too embarrassed to ask.
17. See the Northern Lights
18. Go to a huge sports game
19. Create your own masterpiece
20. Grow and eat your own vegetables.
21. Touch an iceberg
22. Had an office relationship -- does having an office stalker count?
23. Sleep under the stars
24. Compromise
25. Change a baby’s diaper
26. Take a trip in a hot air balloon
27. Watch a meteor shower
28. Get drunk on champagne
29. Take a luxury holiday
30. Give more than you can afford to charity
31. Look up at the night sky through a telescope
32. Have an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
33. Have a food fight
34. Bet on a winning horse
35. Take a sick day when you’re not ill
36. Get a pet
37. Ask a stranger out
38. Have a snowball fight
39. Photocopy your bottom on the office photocopier
40. Scream as loudly as you possibly can
41. Hold a lamb
42. Enact a favorite fantasy
43. Take a midnight skinny dip
44. Hear the words ‘I love you’
45. Fly on Concorde
46. Take an ice cold bath
47. Have a meaningful conversation with a beggar.
48. See a total eclipse
49. Ride a roller coaster
50. Hit a home run
51. Fit three weeks miraculously into three days
52. Dance like a fool and not care who’s looking
53. Adopt an accent for an entire day
54. Visit the birthplace of your ancestors.
55. Gave a grand performance with costumes and everything
56. Made up a screenname to stalk someone.--- sadly yes.
57. Gone shopping for no reason.
58. Actually feel happy about your life, even for just a moment.
59. Just be held
60. Have an adventure where nothing goes as planned
61. Kissed someone you truly wanted to kiss -- where is the [and regretted it afterwards?]
62. Went clubbing and thought to yourself “I could out-dance them if I wanted to”
63. Called your relatives by their relationship
64. Have two hard drives for your computer –I have three computers all to myself does that count?
65. Cuddled
66. Visited all 50 states
67. Loved your job
68. Taken care of someone who was shitfaced and tripping, too…ahhh college
69. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
70.. Have amazing friend(s)
71. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
72. Swim during a formal
73. Stolen a sign
74. Backpacked in Europe
75. Taken a road-trip
76. Rock climbing
77. Nose piercing
78. Midnight walk on the beach
79. Sky diving
80. Visit Ireland
81. Saw what you wanted and did all it took to seize it. -and failed
82. Fell in love then fell harder and faster from heartbreak.
83. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had lunch/dinner with them
84. Visit and/or tour Japan.
85. Benchpress your own weight.
86. Stolen from your parents
87. Alphabetized your records- DVDs count?-- and built a DVD database complete with author, actors, director, and academy award nominations and wins
89. Pretended to be a superhero
90. Sang karaoke
91. Made someone cry for no good reason.
92. Lounged around in bed all day.
93. Posed nude in front of a room full of strangers.
94. Dressed sexy for no reason.
95. Got it on to “Let’s Get It On” by Marvin Gaye
96. Kissed in the rain
97. Played in the mud
98. Played in the rain
99. Gone to a drive-in theater
100. Done something you should regret, but don’t regret it…
101. Visited the Great Wall of China
102. Fell in love with a job that has nothing to do with the degree you’re pursuing – my life
103. Discovered that someone who’s not supposed to have known about your blog has discovered your blog – well he knew about it; i just figured he'd never read it
104. Dropped Windows in favor of something better – Go Mac!
105. Started a business.
106. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
107. Toured ancient sites around the Mediterranean
108. Taken karate.
109. Swordfought for the honor of a woman.
110. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight.
111. Gotten married
112. Been in a movie.
113. LARPed
114. Loved someone you shouldn’t have.
115. Kissed someone so passionately it made them dizzy.
116. Gotten divorced
117. Had sex at the office
118. Surprised yourself with a talent you didn’t know you had
119. Been to Macchu Picchu
120. Gone without food for 5 days
121. Never left the continental United States.
122. Made cookies from scratch.
123. Won first prize in a costume contest
124. Ridden a gondola in Venice.
125. Gotten a tattoo – Seven of them to be exact
126. Got another tattoo the next day because you didn’t feel balanced
127. Find that the texture of some materials can turn you on
128. Rafted the Snake River.
129. Blazed it up at Burning Man
130. Gotten flowers for no reason.
131. Masturbated in a public place.-- holy cow would anyone admit to this?
132. Gotten so drunk you don’t remember anything.
133. Been addicted to some form of illegal drug.
134. Traveled the world.
135. Performed onstage with a famous symphony orchestra
136. Been to Las Vegas
137. Met Madonna
138. Recorded music
139. Eaten Shark
140. Had a one night stand
141. Gone to Thailand
142. Courage to speak my mind
143. Saw Robert Smith and Siouxsie live
144. Bought a house
145. Earned my degree
146. Broke my neck
147. Been in a combat zone
148. Buried my father
149. Earned a living through my creativity
150. Visit the remaining continents on my list
151. Had my pubic hair waxed off
152. Been on a cruise ship
153. Speak more than one language fluently
154. Worn see-through clothes in public
155. Bounced a check -unfortunately
156. Performed in Rocky Horror
157. Moved over 1000 miles by yourself
158. Been to art school
159. Read - and understood - your credit report
160. Raised children.
161. Recently bought and played with a favorite childhood toy
162. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
163. Created and named your own constellation of stars
164. Bucked stigma or trends to follow your heart
165. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
166. Found out something significant that your ancestors did.
167. Called or written your Congressman
168. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
169. …more than once?
170. Run the Golden Gate Bridge
171. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you know someone is looking
171. Had an abortion/miscarriage -- these should hardly be listed together -- one is a choice the other is a sad unfortunate ordeal
172. Had plastic surgery
173. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived.
174. Wrote articles for a semi large publication
175. Lost over 100 pounds
176. Held someone while they were having a flashback
177. Flown an airplane
178. Petted a stingray
179. Broken someone’s heart.
180. Helped an animal give birth
181. Been fired or laid off from a job you loved.
182. Won money on a T.V. game show.
183. Broken a bone.
184. Killed a human being.
185. Had a threesome (or moresome.)
186. Ridden a motorcycle
187. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100mph.
188. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced.
189. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol.
190. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild.
191. Ridden a horse.
192. Had major surgery.
193. Had sex on a moving train.
194. Had a snake as a pet.
195. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon.
196. Joined the army
197. Gotten Food Stamps
198. Been to a tapas bar
199. Read “War and Peace”
200. Bought a childhood favorite book on eBay
201. Worn a strap-on.
202. Been in an abusive relationship
203. Had fertility problems
204. Crewed a sailing ship.
205. Hunted Bookfinder for a favorite book.
206. Lived on another continent
207. Run for public office
208. Been so depressed that I couldn’t eat.
209. Visited Antarctica
210. Watched the entire series of “I, Claudius” in one sitting
211. Watched the entire series of “Twin Peaks” in one sitting.
212. Watch my child being born
213. Travelled more than 3000 miles for a job interview.
214. Hit on someone you later discover is a close relation.
215. Won more in a year gambling than earning.
216: Was quoted in the newspaper
217. Had a waterbed
218. Ate sushi
219. Killed an animal in order to eat it
220. Canned
221. Had sex naked in the snow at night under the stars
222. Had a food orgasm.
223. Held a live creature just after it’s birth
224. Sung in an opera or musical
225. Used food for a purpose other than eating.
226. Been to a metal concert
227. Used Psychedelic drugs [lsd, shrooms etc] for the purpose of art and the creative process
228. Learned to play the piano
229. Had singing lessons
230. Put your hand in an entire sink full of clorox bleach.
230. Been on a movie set when they were filming and met some actors/actresses
231. Been bit by a mountain lion
232. Ran into a tree with some sort of moving machine
233. Lost a friend to suicide
234. Carved something out of wood.
235. Never been pulled over
236. Missed a flight
237. Been snorkeling
238. Been in 6 states or more within 12 hours
239. Won a stuffed animal
240. Had a dream or dreams that came true
241. Done CPR more than 6 times in 6 hours.
242. Cried hysterically when you were feeling dandy and drunk.
243. Kicked a member of the opposite sex in their crotch.
244. Save someones life who you didnt want to.
245. Laugh in the face of death.
246. Took the Eurostar from Paris to London (or vice versa)
247. Been in two countries at the same time, straddling the border line
248. Met Christian Slater
249. Get stuck in the snow more than twice
250. Hit a deer on the road

Never Look Back. Even if it Means well...

2005-09-07T14:24:00.000-07:00

There were "Untitled", "26 Things I Hated About Him", and the "The New Guy".
With whom the hell else will the gods find to curse me?!?!
Just leave me alone -- I'm happy that way!

So a long time ago I posted "The New Guy." That was probably around February something or other. A friend had introduced me to this guy, who I thought was surprisingly everything that I thought was pretty great. Naturally, this made me quite skeptical of him, because I know that there is always a catch.

Well, that era has ended; I thought it had ended months ago when I blocked him from my buddy list once he told me that he'd gotten married. Apparently, he married in April. He was so happy and they even got pregnant on the honeymoon.

Thanks to Google, and the fact that I still have him listed in my email contacts like, GoogleTalk he was able to contact me, out of the blue, just as I had begun to forget he'd existed. I don't know what I was thinking, carrying on a conversation with him, as if it were okay to do so. I spoke of my determination to stay single, and he apologized as if he felt he had anything to do with my decision again relationships and commitment. He didn't; he, as well as Mr. Untitled, were merely reinforcement for what I have known for a very long time.

We ended up talking on the phone; I thought I could handle it since I'm inamoured with the French guy now-- sidebar there is a new French guy, with whom I am allowed to be inamored because I cannot become attached because he is an Atlantic ocean away. But I tell you, a voice can bring back all kinds of emotions that you've thought have passed because of the length of time elapsed.

Trying to make small talk, I asked when the baby was due. He said a couple of weeks from now. STOP!!!!!!! WAIT!!!!!! This is September! Unless he has fortified supergestating sperm, that kid would have been conceived in January or February. That changes the mix quite a bit. While I thought this when he told me the date, I said nothing. I ended the conversation with the fact that my chicken salade was more important that continuing our conversation, and he ended it with "we should keep in touch." WRONG! No we shouldn't. He is a married man. Nuff said. I do wish he and his wife all the happiness in the world. But keeping in touch is an unnecessary evil.

A Speechless 12 Days... from Houston

2005-09-06T18:39:00.000-07:00

I know it has been a while, and Areyl has charged me with forgetting how to blog, so here I am. As I am sure all of you, as I have, been engulfed by Katrina images on the news, internet, television, radio, and at church.

Sometimes, I wonder if the rest of the world, outside of the Gulf Coast is as surrounded by the daily reminders that life in a city that was once so livly is all but destroyed.

In attempts to not sound selfish, I am wondering what will happen with the economy of the state of Texas if all of these evacuees decide to make Texas their new home. An immediate increase of nearly 230,000 people would stand to greatly damage our economy. I understand that people are going to try to make a new life, which may not include returning to Louisiana, but we have got to figure out a way to disperse families accross the states as to not cause a devistation or economical proportions.

There are so many more things I want to say, but as has been the case for the past 12 days, I'm somewhat speechless.

All I really have to say is I truely hope they do not bring Mardi Gras and/or The Bayou Classics to Texas.

Compromise and Commitment

2005-08-25T00:48:00.000-07:00

When I think of marriage I think of the two Cs: Compromise and Commitment.

It's been my experience that so many people feared commitment, and as always, myself being the iconoclast that I am, I have no fear of commitment. My fear is of compromise. In a previous post, I refered to marriage as "setting yourself up to compromise for the rest of your life." Now, I do not necessarily think fear is the right way to describe my feelings toward compromise; I think lack of desire would be more accurate.

I think my ability to be committed to something is nothing short of amazing:

I had a best friend who lied to me, pathologically telling different lies, and I stayed because I felt she needed a friend; I was committed to our friendship.
There was this guy in whom I found significant interest, and if I am being 110% brutally honest with myself, I would acknowledge that he was never really interested in me, and thusly nothing would ever really progress for us at all. However, emotionally [I'm not sure if that is the right word here] I was 110% committed to him for over six years. I hate to give him so much credit but I've learned so much from that experience alone. I've learned that if you aren't on the same page... it never works.

Committment has never been my issue, in part because I think that it is so closely related to determination, in most cases I cannot differentiate between the two. When I want something, I want it. I do not know how to stop until I get it. Even if that means holding on for six years to an empty jar-- only to find six years later that I am inevitably empty-handed.

Another case in point. I do not yet have my undergraduate degree, and at this point I do not yet know when I will. However, I do know that no matter what it takes, no matter how many years, I will not rest without it. Now I will say, that I do have a great job in Marketing right now [not telemarketing or customer service], an acutal marketing position. Many people are telling me that we my current level of education added to my actual intellectual copacity, even without a college degree, I could still easily make more than some people who are already degreed. I do not doubt this possibility, especially since [even though I am in marketing] I've recently been working with the president of my company to re-model our pricing structure for our services in order to maximize our profit margin based on recreating a formula that uses optimized variables instead of concrete values combined with the results of our recession analysis. Even if I am offered a better position, or a higher paying position, that will never be enough for me without a piece of paper which says that I am qualified.

For this reason, mainly above all others, I am in a state where I refuse to pursue any potential relationships of anything other than a friendly nature. I am even quite skeptical about adding friends to the mix--especially male ones. They can be a distraction. I'll tell you guys a secret; my biggest fear right now, is getting into a relationship that leads to marriage, then to kids, and that leads to me never becoming qualified.

My committment to finishing my education comes before any other varible in my life's equation. It comes before my present job [which at 22 sans degree pays me more than many degreed teachers make]; it comes before any sort of lovelife [which has never really been important to me], and in some cases it comes before my friends. What is hard but completely honest, is that I truly believe finishing comes before everything but God in my life. Once I am back in for the long haul, if my friends can't understand that school comes before them, then that is their on misfortune-- same goes for family. And anyone who knows me know that my friends and family normaly mean the world to me; however, neither of those can qualify me.

So my lack of desire-- it's compromise. For as long as I can remember, my mother has tauht me never to settle. I see compromise and settling as being on the same level. Marriage is one big compromise, especially for a woman who takes the role ordained for her in the Bible of submitting to her husband. Many women often get up in arms when I say that I do believe that this is how a marriage really works: A woman submits to her husband.

I've thought long and hard about marriage, and exactly what I would be giving up by not embarking on such a union. I've read a lot about marriage, and not in books by psychologists and such; I've only used one reference: The Bible. I am not a Bible nut, but for some moral situations I belive that the Bible often presents the best formula: such is the case with marraige.

The Bible says that a woman is to submit to her husband. It also says that husbands are to love their wives. I think those are the only to principals that matter. Maybe that is in my own rationale though.

If I ever marry, I woud want the marriage detailed by the Bible in Ephesians. I would want to be a wife who submits unto her husband, because I believe that a husband is supposed to be the head of his household. Now, do not misunderstand me. By submitting, I mean the wife allows her husband to make the decisions for the household after issues are discussed between the two of them. I believe that together they lay out the pros and the cons, but at the end the decision is the husband's to make. That is why it is imperative that the "husband love his wife as Christ loved the church, and be willing to give his life for her."

If I every marry, he would have to be someone how loves me with that kind of love, because if I am entrusting him to make decisions for me and our posterity he has to love me. He has to love me enough that he put us before himself when making the decision for our house. If I can't trust him to make sound, logical decisions, then he is not the one with whom I am supposed to be for the rest of my life. He'd have to be man enough to make sound decisions, and not rely on me, his help, to wear the pants and make decisions.

This is why marriage scares me. For the first time in my life, I would have to compromise on the majority of the decisions that I am used to making on my own. I have lived on my own since I was 19; I've made all the decisions on where to live, when to change jobs, what to cook, when to wash, how I like my apartment kept, how clean and when is it acceptable too be a little out of order, who can come over, and when.

I can't imagine having a roommate let alone someone who has equal or more say than I do in our home. That is a bit much for me. I am not willing to trade in my privacy and my ability to just be. Maybe I am young, but I know that marriage is work. You don't stumble upon a good marriage. You NEVER stumble upon a good marriage. It is work. Even though I am alone [relatinshipswise] and I live alone, I still never find the time to feel lonely. Everyone is usually so shocked that I'm not, but I'm not. I can't see being so lonely that a dog can't provide a quick fix.

Yes. I see my friends, and cousins in their relationships that are leading towards marriage, and those of them who have children already. I don't want that, very little if anything about that intruiges me now. Like I said, maybe I'm young, but I hope I stay this way forever.

I'll ____ Before I'm 50

2005-08-17T22:08:00.000-07:00

After readin'g Kim's and Mike's I decided I'd make a To-Do list of my own. Let's see how much I do before 50.

Sing a whole song on key without cracking.
Go to the first Superbowl in which the Houston Texans participate!
Name all 50 states without looking at a book or a map.
Finish my dynastyevents.com website (it's been under construction for a year)
Finish my undergrad degree
Pay off my student loan
Pay off the University of Houston
~~Pay off my credit card~~
Go to Hawaii
Go to France
Get a passport
Buy a hybrid (the Toyota Priapus would be nice)
Buy a garden home
Buy rental properties

~~Have an office job~~

Take the stage again
Buy a motorcycle
Speak French fluently
Speak Spanish fluently
Learn how to break up with someone (nicely)
Break up with someone one
Get married
Have kids
Get Divorced
In that order
Make old-fashioned ice cream [in the wooden bucket]
Stop reading people's away messages as a past time
Blog at least once a week
~~Write a movie, a book, or a play ~~It was viewed by nearly 14,000 people~~~~
~~Get involved in church~~
Read my Bible everyday
Stay at one church for at least 10 years
Vote in every election
Hold Houston Texans season tickets ever year
Watch golf
Work for myself as an independent consultant of in some capacity
Meet Heath Ledger (I can't now-- mayhe RIP)

~~Meet Shemar Moore~~

Meet Ashely Judd
Meet David Carr
Stop fucking cursing
Be an extra in a major motion picture
Send my kids to The Kinkaid School
Pay for my kids' higher education without financial aid
Buy stock in something lucrative

And so she shopped...and a couple Happy Birthdays

2005-08-17T13:32:00.000-07:00

First of all, August is a month of many birthdays for those whom receive mine own affections. I take birthdays very seriously, especially mine. I make it a point to be the first person to say happy birthday, so I stay awake until 11:59 the night before and start dialing numbers so when the clock strikes 12 MY voice is the one they hear! Since I was a slacker today and yesterday, really I just couldn't force myself to care too much this year, I decided I didn't have to be the first... I would just blog a birthday note thusly imortalizing it.

So here we go:

To the sexiest (because he's one of the smartest) double-digit Madison Marlin to ever grace the streets of Hiram Clarke... Gordon Lemond #44 c/o '95 August 16. We do not know how old he really is.... and neither does he!
Another Madison Marlin whoes name I'm no longer allowed to say, and in whoes life I'm no longer allowed (see Untitled) The Name I'm Not Allowed to Say c/o '01 August 17th (today). I know his real age, but if you ask him to tell you, he'll prolly lie and say he's older.
My cutsie little girly-non-girly cousin who has to put up with my other two very boyish boy cousins... poe her. Tyra Cole O'Neal c/o a long way from now August 18th

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU GUYS/and GAL

Speaking of birthday notes. My cousin and I decided that I need to creatively create a cutsie birthday card in Flash that says:
"Eff U and Your Birthday!!!"
and send this card to people we loathe. I'll get to work on it immediately!

So yesterday I went shopping. Yes. Shopping-- for clothes not DVDs. The whole reason I went shopping was to buy shirts and shoes. I wanted new shirts, and I need new shoes. If any of you are loyal readers you know how much I loathe shopping for vetements. However, I drug myself into the shopping center. Tried on a bit of everything... even button down shirts; I normally stay away from those because my boobs are too big and the buttons normally gap at the boosom area, but if I go up a size then the rest of the shirt will looks like a parachute, and I'm scared I'd fly away.

Anyway, I tried on tons of items, and bought quite a few things. However, I realized that when I left, I'd only purchased blazers, jackets, pants, and skirts! FOR WHAT REASON DID I SAY I NEEDED TO GO SHOPPING? SHOES AND SHIRTS! I did not buy one pair of shoes nor any shirts...can you say OFF TASK. [matters not the jackets, skirts, and the slacks are way cute].

Interrogation or Conversation

2005-08-15T21:13:00.000-07:00

I have had numerous people become annoyed with me because I don't ask them questions about them. Because I never ask questions about them, they assume I don't care about getting to know them, and I am only self absorbed, and into myself. Oye vey. They are absolutely correct; there are many questions I really just couldn't careless about asking.

I couldn't care less about what type of music you listen like. Why do people even ask this question anyway? What? Am I supposed to go out and buy you random Hip Hop CD's because you tell me you like Hip Hip bountee bountee music?
I'm not going to ask you if you like to dance. I am especially not going to ask you if you are a girl, because I have no plans on dancing with you in the first place.
I'm not going to ask you want you like to do on weekends and in your spare time. I just think "what do you like to do in your spare time?" is a stupid question.
I'm not going to ask your favorite color, because it really doesn't matter: I'm not going to go out and buy you a pink dog that dances to hip hop while roller blading to the movies on Saturdays.

Please however, understand that just because I don't ask you "what's your favorite cereal?" that does not mean I am not interested in you. If I have talked to you more than twice in my life, chances are that I do care to get to know more about you, but crazy and wild thought coming I tend to get my information from good ole conversation. I'm just looking for peope who understand the "show don't tell method." If I say what do you like to do, and you say, "Sing, run, and blog," well then that kinds of sums it up.. no need to go any further. However if we just hold a naturally flowing conversation you afford me the opportunity to use context clues!

I use context clues. If we are on the phone and you tell me about your recent trips to Cali, Luxenburg, and Austrailia the I am going to assume you like to travel. I'm not going to ask you, if you like to travel.

If you mention in a conversation that you were watching the game last night, then I am going to assume you like sports. I am probably going to be right, unless you were just so bored to death that you had absolutely nothing else in the world to do but watch a televised version of a past time which you dispise.

Believe it or not, whether I appear to be or not, I am a very good listener. I don't just hear and wait for my turn to say something [about myself]; I listen. I have actually been able to catch a few people in a couple of lies by doing just that: listening. You can believe that if you are important to me, I am probably not only listening, but synthesizing, and storing everything that you say to me.

Now on to me being self-consumed. I am sorry if anyone feels that way. If it seems as though I talk about myself a lot [which I do not think I do] it is only because I feel like if me listening to others talk about themselves is how I get to know them, then one would need to hear me talk about myself in order for him/her to get to know me. Go figure.

I have a hard time answering the "what do you like to do for fun?" "what kind of food do you like?" blah blah blah questions. Sorry, but I've never sat down and made a list of "things that I like to do for fun." So it's hard for me to answer that question. However, if you really just have a burning desire to know more infor the Miss Krys 100 may help you out.

Bottom line: I would rather a conversation to an interrogation any day and twice on Sundays. So, I'll promise to never ask the lame-o questions if you will please return the favor.

NEW TEXANS FOOTBALL SEASON

2005-08-14T08:19:00.000-07:00

Yesterday marked the beginning of a NEW TEXANS FOOTBALL SEASON I've been waiting on this day for months: ever since missing the Longhorns in the Rose Bowl on January 1st of this year and the last Texans game that I attended when they beat the Titans.

The Texans started their season yesterday [with a loss]. Granted, it was only a preseason game, and David Carr wasn't pitching... I mean quarterbacking, so there is still hope. Here are the things I'm hoping for this season:

Fewer Carr sacks [last year there were like 46]
More wins [but what fan doesn't hope for more wins?]
Attendance to more games [I think I'll go ahead and section off a portion of my budget to include purchasing season tickets for next year's games] until then, I'll just have to pay for individual games, but I'll have to make more than just the one I made last year
To find my Texans towel so I can waive it at the games
MOST IMPORTANTLY! For David Carr to let his hair GROW AGAIN! Whoo hoo. I know he's married, but I can still look.

In other football news, I am also looking forward to watching those boys in Auburn finally beat OU this year! Go Vince Go! Hook 'em Horns! The University of Texas football season officialy beings on September 3 when they play Louisianna-Lafayette. This means, if it is a Saturday, and they are playing DO NOT CALL ME unless you are watching the game too.

I've been a Vincent Young fan since high school-- and it won't stop now! Hook'em Horns!
I'll be watching for my friend Will Martin (Kunta) who is spicing things up at Texas A&M Kingsville, and is currently ranked number 1 on the DII 2006 NFL Draft Prospects for defense.
Let's hear a WHO! HAH! for my former private school aquaintance Austine Nwabuisi who now plays for the New York Jets! Maybe I'll have to get satellite so I can watch all his games.
I guess I'll have to add Chicago Bears games to my lineup since Cedric Benson is now a BEAR!

My girl CHRISTAL SEAHORN gets her own paragraph! Congrats on making cut! She's a Houston Energy (WPFL) player. I'll have to get season tickets to the Women's Professional Football League.

FOOTBALL IS FINALLY BACK!

Fondest Memories...No Regrets... and Thankful Cognitions

2005-08-13T13:29:00.000-07:00

Today I watched a family burry its 14-year-old daughter. How hard must that be? I could not even begin to miagine. However, and I know people grieve differntly, this family was like a rock. A great thing is watching a family who's man is the head of his household, and is a solider for Christ. I can't imagine what it must be like to burry a child, but I can imagine that having a faith strong enough to which one can cling must be imeprative.

In the father's expressions he said he importuned God to "help him stand like a pine tree fore it may waiver but it will not break."

Since receiving the news about one of my former students [who became a ] family friend, I was fairly unemotional. I heard about her death, but I hadn't realized it until I drove up to the church last night and saw the herse parked in the lot. At that moment, I felt my heart flutter saying "Krys, it's really real." I stood outside fo the church for a a little while trying to prepare myself for what I knew lied in store for me, and the hundreds of friends and family standing outside as well.

I wasn't prepared for what was inside. I finally gathered up enough strength to go inside of the building, and inside on the large screen of this semi-mega church was a slide show of stil pictures...and a home video clip of her playing football with her family. She'd run a touchdown and the clip was of her running the touchdown, and her celebrating afterwards. She jumped all aorund wiht ehr hand in the air, knowing her, you could tell she was yelling and being April. Many people spoke of the light which she brought to their life. There really are no words to descibe her. You really just had to know her.

Of all of my students April is definately one of the three most unforgettable, and I am thankful for that cognition. I am thankful for the priviledge of having known her [and knowing her still].

Even though I hate when people do this, I guess I understand why now, I'm taking a vow today to live life! I am going to live big, just like April. I am not going to squander a moment, and more importantly, I don't want another person dear to me to die for me to be reminded of this vow. When I know I love someone, I am going to tell him/her whether s/he wants me to or not. I won't be affraid to love, and love big. I will realize when I've been bad or have veered off track and when I get back ont he right road, I will acknowledge from how far I've come. I will pray for and with people. I'll laugh. I'll smile, and I will bask in all things that are comprised in this life.

In Loving Memory of Great Kid

2005-08-06T21:23:00.000-07:00

"And I loved deeper, and I spoke sweeter, and I gave forgiveness I've been denying. Someday I hope you get the chance, to live like you were dying."

Maybe there is irony in the fact that recently I posted Live Like You Were Dying. Today an amazing kid died. She is a child with whom I became aquainted though my older sister, and I taught her occasionally when I would subsitute at her school.

When I heard the news that she had died as a result of a car accident, my first thought [after realizing that it was for real] was what a great kid, what a great life. She was maybe 14 yeas-old, but had been such a bright light to many who knew her. She'd become a bright light to those who didn't really know her at all. Her personality, her attidude, her humor captured you. She was able to make put a genuine smile on the faces of all who attended my sister's wedding with her tribute to my sister and brother in law at their reception. Everyone at some point said, who's that girl? She's so funny. It is sad, and it is easy to feel as though it is unfair for such a great child to be taken away from us. I didn't cry for her, and that concerned me a little, because she was definately close and I was quite fond of her.

Through the hours I came to realize that I was at peace because there was no regret there. Yes I am quite miffed that a kid with her character, and charisma, and charm, and humor, and spunk is no longer with us. However, what makes it easy [and I do not mean to sound selfish here] is that I can't remember one ill word said between the two of us. I can't remember ever having an argument with her, and if we had had an arugument it was resolved most immediately. It's really kind of wonderful to know that when someone passes if they were to have a last memory of you, it could have been a good one.

I will make an effort, and strive to build this type of relationship with everyone I know: those with whom I am extremely close, and those whom I merely encounter only briefly in their [or my] lifetime.

You will most certainly be missed, but you will maintain a special place in my heart and in the hearts of those whom you touched while you were here. Until we meet again my dear friend, A. 1991-2005.

En Francais Ce Soire

2005-08-06T15:40:00.000-07:00

Alors, j'etait sur caramail aujourd'hui, et j'ai decide blogger en francais ce soire. J'ai trouver que j'adore chattant sur caramail. Parceque j'habite en Texas, et rien personne d'ici parle francais, j'ai besoin de trouver des moyen practiquer mon francais.

Avec chattant en francais, j'ai commence regarder mes DVD en francais alors je peux le compredre quand je l'entends. Je lire les livres en francais aussi, alors je peux devenir meillure avec le langue.

Quand j'avais 12 ans, j'ai pense' que j'ai vu devenir un chef. Alors quand il etait le temps choissir mon deuxieme langue a l'ecole, j'ai choissi francais. La bas, il y a un ecole de culinaire qui s'appelle Courd En Bleu qui est le meiux ecole pour fair de cooking. Quand je pris les classes au lycee j'ai decide que je n'ai pas voulu devenir chef, mais jai continue suivre les classes francais.

Mes notes dans cet classes etaient terrible parceque je le parle meillure que je l'ecrit. Alors, j'ai fatigue mainenant, alors je vais me reposer. A plus tard.

5 Qs 4 U-- A Blog Meme

2005-08-06T10:56:00.000-07:00

As I have received interview questions from two different peope I figured I would just combine the two into one post. The pastel green being from anglogerman and the sky blue from Gwynne; enjoy!

While blog surfing today, in order to increas my blog traffic, and in search of something new and interesting I found something! Thanks to Gwynne I have discovered the blog meme.

1. What purpose do you think God has for you on earth?
I really wish I knew, because I would work arduously at fullfilling it; however, as I do not know, I will take it all one step at a time until my purpose is revealed.

2. What do you love most about yourself and why?
The traits I love most about myself are my independence [both financially and emotionally]; If we are talking about physical traits that I love the most about myself, they would have to be my legs and my voice [although that is not so physical].

3. What issue - social, political or anything else - is most likely to make you get up on your soapbox?
There are a couple actually. Anything that has to do with racial excuses, welfare, education, and the social dehumanizing of the "big girl" will have me up in arms with closed fists ready to fight [well not fight really because I don't know how to, but I'll definately bring out the polysyllabic words!]. I really hate when people talk about the pathology as opposed to just saying "I have the power to make a decision and affect my own outcome."

4. Have you ever had an experience which made it clear to you that your angels are looking after you?
Absolutely. My grandmother died 5 days before my sophomore semester finals were supposed to start. That semester I attended classes from 8a.m. to 12noon, and I worked from 1:00pm to 11:00pm 5 days a week, and then studying Calc and Physics at IHOP from about 11:30pm to 2:00am on average everyday for an entire semester. I was living off of Red Bulls, and coke, and IHOP pancakes basically [ I grocery shopped but only really had time to cook on weekends]. Well when my grandmother died, I spent that last week of classes in my home town attending mournnig services and spending time with my family while studying for my upcoming finals. The semester had completely exhausted me, and on my way back to San Antonio the morning of one of my finals my tire went out in a very racist town in between Houston and San Antonio. I fixed it on the side of the road, but as I had been sleep deprived, I still found it hard to stay awake, and after I returned to the road, a few miles into San Antonio, I fell asleep behind the wheel, and drove clean off of the highway onto the grassy area inbetween 10W and 10E. I ended up right next to 10W facing E. I cried and realized that the degree after which I was seeking so diligently would be worthless if I killed myself in the process of getting it. I thanked God that falling asleep and driving off the freeway into the other side of the traffic didnt kill me. I took my finals, and scored very well on them, and I transfered back to a less financially stressful university in Houston. I am glad my angels were watching over me because my family wouldn't have been able to handle loosing both me and my grandmother in less than a week's time.

5. How did Jesus become your Savior?
I've been told stories of Jesus since my own inception. I'd known of Jesus from birth and He was as important to me as air in the respect that I've always had it so I never really thought of what life would be like without him. However, it was not until I moved out on my own and developed a relationship with a God I'd come to seek, not my parents' God [well same God but I feel he has a different purpose in my life] did I see Jesus as my Savior. His story, while far out and hardly plausible, made sense to me, so I accepted it.

1. Did you have an allowance as a child? If so, how much was it? What did you spend it on?

Well, from what I remember, I received an allowance of $20 a week from the time I was like 7 to about hmm I can't remember. It went up once I got my car at 16 and had to start paying for gas. Then I got a job and "allowance? what allowance?" I didn't really spend my money on too much. I'd tithe 10% to church. Save 20% and then loan shark out the rest for with interest!

2. What song do you hate the most? Why?

My least favorite song right now is Fantasia's Free Yourself. While I have nothing against Fantasia [hence her song title as a part of my blog title] this song and Baby Momma are just rediculous. She really needs to ask Simon if someone can write her better choruses.

3. List the 10 best things about being you.

I am single; I am saved; I live on my own; I have a good job; I work with all guys; I'm very good with math/money/numbers; I am not sick; I have loyal friends and a loving family; I've only been hurt once;... oh that was 10 right?

4. What is your reason for getting out of bed each morning?

Wow, what a great question. As sick as it sounds, my main reason for getting out of bed every morning is work. I truly enjoy it. I look forward to it everyday. Other than that, I kinda just get up to look forward to whatever new thing comes my way. I also look forward to reading my daily devotional by Joel Osteen; it is really starting to help me get my priorities straight.

5. Tell one thing about yourself that nobody knows.

If given the opportunity, I would like to either rewind my life back to tenth grade, and make some different decisions; or fast forward ten years to see where I would be then; and if I was not happy with the fast forward versionthe I would definately want to rewind to tenth grade and make a few different choices.

Other than that I um speak English backwards fluently, and I was a contestant on Family Feud (and we lost).

As per the rules:

1. If you want to participate, leave a comment saying "Interview me". ("Tickle me" or "Caress me" are not acceptable substitutes.) You must leave your blog address so that I can think of good questions for you.
2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person's will be different. I'll post the questions in the comments section of this post.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to my questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in your post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

The Time Is Right

2005-08-03T20:56:00.000-07:00

When the time is right, you'll know. I have no idea what I'm saying here. I just thought it would sound good to blog about the right time for different things.

Let's see, the right time is:

5:00 p.m. - to leave work
Age 26 - to get married
Age 28 - to have a first child
Age 24 - to buy a house
when you open your eyes in the morning - to thank God for a new day.
never -to whine or complain.
when your eyes start to feel heavy - to go to sleep.
Saturday night - to go to church to avoid the Sunday morning hoard.
Everymorning - to vacuum your house, air your sheets and read the paper.
every three days - to shampoo your hair [yes even if you are black].
every other day- to wash your sheets
as soon as you think it you think it - to tell someone you love him/her.
every three hours - to eat and regulate your metabolism.
right now - to stop this rediculous list that has no true substance.
five minutes from now- to go to sleep.

Live Like You Were Dying

2005-07-28T22:47:00.000-07:00

I went sky divin'
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named Fu Man Choo
And I loved deeper,
And I spoke sweeter
And I gave forgiveness I've been denying
And some day I hope you get the chance,
To live like you were dyin'

Tim McGraw

Sometimes I wonder what outrageous things I would do if I knew that I would die in a week. I wonder if there would be certain persons whom I would bend over backwards to see. I wonder if I'd be nervous or totally content with the way my lifed had unfolded.

I would. I would have no regrets. I have learned many things from many people and experiences in my life; through these people I have been able to experience, happiness, love, and appreciation.

Even the painful, and hurtful experiences have been worthwhile, for how can one truly understand and appreicate happiness if s/he has known no sadness? How can one truly experience love, if s/he has never known hurt. How can one truly revel in completing goals, if s/he has never had setbacks.

I don't want to go just yet. There are goals that I have not completed yet, and I would love to see those things through to the end. However, I would still have no regrets.

Honestly, if I knew I was going to die soon:

I think I would try sky-divin'.
I wouldn't climb a mountain, but maybe I would jump off of a platform diving board.
I don't really have anyone to forgive, because I try to do that frequently, and thankfully I am not consistently hurt by those close to me, so forgiveness is not a daily chore.
I don't know how I could love deeper, and even if I were dying, I wouldn't want to love any deeper.
I'd donate blood one last time, and make sure I was set to be an organ donor.
I'd have one last party with all of my friends, and aquaintances especially those with whom I'd fallen out of touch.
I'd hug my sisters, my mother, my brother, and my dad [okay and maybe I'd finally let my dog lick me in my face].
I'd sing one last song with my cousin [one of our originals]
I'd hold my godchildren and tell them how much they mean to me.
I'd go to church, and sit on the front row
I'd make sure I was right with my lord and savior Jesus Christ
And I'd thank my daddy for pointing me in the right direction.

Miss Krys 100

2005-07-26T21:38:00.000-07:00

In the style of Aleks, here is Miss Krys 100

I am a middle child
I have two sisters
I am going to be very careful not to divulge any information that could be used for identity thieft in this list. I know everyone wants to be me.
I hate feet
I think they are disgusting
I like watching Gray's Anatomy
24 is my favorite prime time show
The Young and the Restless is my favorit show of all time
I no longer get to watch it because I work
I am a Marketing Assistant
I grew up with both of my parents
I am very heterosexual
I am not homophobic
I am single
My best friends are my two sisters and my cuzibludin
I went to private school for 7 years
I loved the last 4 years of private school
I am from Texas
If I had voted in this election, I would have voted for Bush.
Since I live in Texas my statemates took care of it for me
I believe welfare recipients should have to work to receive benefits
I do not condone people spitting out tons of kids and getting a check cut from my tax money.
I am a grammar stickler
I hate when people use prepositions at the end of sentences, independant clauses, or questions
If I could choose any career in the world, I would be Oprah
If offered $500,000,000.00 for eating crap, I would happily comply
I have two laptops and one desktop
I live alone
I have lived on my own since I was 19
I pay too much for rent
But I have a really pretty lake on my property, so I keep telling myself it's okay
I work with 20 guys and 1 female in our corporate office
I have been to Hampton University
I have been to Trinity University
I will finish from The University of Houston
I am a member of the largest church in the nation
I get to church an hour early just so I can get a good seat
I go to church on Saturday night to avoid the Sunday morning hoard of people
I read a devotional every morning
I do not forsee myself getting married
I am not sad about that
I do not forsee myself having children
But I think that may change
If I do have kids then I want 3 girls and 1 boy
I want my son [if he ever exists] to play football
Because I want to be a football mom [if I decide to have kids] and have football dinners at my house catered by Carrabas and Pappas resturants
I broke 1000 on my SAT's
But my score still made me cry
I play Madden
But my defense is really bad
Football is my favorite sport
I have a handbag with my face on it
I was named after Krystle Carrington on Dynasty
My best male friend is expected to go to the NFL after this year
I'll pray that he doesn't hurt himself this season
I made a decision to enjoy everyday
I like Kellogg's Raisin Bran
Spinach is my favorite green vegetable
I've always wanted a tiger
I am no good with intimate relationships
I do extremely value my friendships
I have known all of my friends for at least 7 years
My mom is talking to me about romance right now
It makes me want to puke
I think love makes people illogical
I need logic to feel sane
I have been blogging since February 2005
Valentine's fakeHoliday is my least favorite holiday
I only go to stores once between December 26 and February 15th each year
I grocery shop for more than a month and a half worth of food so I do not have to subject myself to pink and red hearts
I have disliked Valentine's fakeyholiDay since I was little
I have never turned a cartwheel because I think my arms are too short
I've maxed at 145 under the bench
My mother has developed a severe case of teritts syndome which causes her to yell LUTHER at random points throughout the day
I got kicked off the V squad when I was 18 or 19
I do not regret my first
We are still very good friends [strictly platonic friends]
I have coordintated three weddings
I love white cranberry juice
I lost my best friend of 7 year because she became a pathological liar
I haven't talked to my male best friend in 7 months-- he's dropped off the face of the planet
I am currently looking for a replacement
I have two godkids
My bed is called a Spinal Majestic King Koil
I bought it because it was very pretty
I think Brad Pitt is very sexy
I have seen The Lion King in its entirity over 81 times
I stopped counting at 81
I speak English backwards fluently
I call the language Pilf Polf
I was bossy so I made my cuzibludin learn Pilf Polf too
When we do not want people to know what we are talking about, we talk in Pilf Polf on the phone
Monterrey is my favorite cheese
My mom is listening to Luther songs right now and it's driving me crazy
I have Sprint Ready-Link
I love cooking for other people
If I were to die tomorrow, I would have no regrets.
I am a huge Julia Roberts, and Sandra Bullock fan
I think Erica Bana is sexy
I believe that today is yesterday's consequence, and that if I want to change my tomorrow, I have to change my decisions today.

No Love Life = Death? No Way

2005-07-25T21:35:00.000-07:00

I appreciate all of the comments from the previous post. However, the without love you die comments are a bit much for me.

Allow me to further explain myself. I do love. I love my family, and my friends. I do not feel that an initmate relationship is imperative to my being; if anything, me being the type of person that I am, I feel as though it hinders my personal growth. I am more concerned with self-enrichment: learning languages, studying random subjects on my own accord, and things of that sort. Those things make me feel more complete than any companion will.

When my happiness is based on me, myself, and I, then I am the only person who could possibly be responsible for my failure. This extends so far beyond my experiences with any human being. Even as far back as elementary school I hated group projects, because I understood that being in a group where we all get the same grade meant that my grade could be jepordized because of others. While I understand that it could be enhanced by others, I'm more concerned with the fact that it could be hindered. I do not mind failing if I know that the failure was all my doing; I can live with that. However, failing and never know whether or not the outcome would be different if I had tackled the project on my own is not a situation in which I have ever liked to exist.

People question my reasoning behind not wanting to get married. I'll put it simply this way: I am not sure that I want to have kids. If I decide for certain that I do not want kids, then I will most certainly decide against marriage. I see marrige as a form of willingly setting yourself up for compromise "for as long as you both shall live." The only way I intend to do that, the only thing important enough for me to be willing to compromise for the rest of my life, would be a decision to have children. Right now, I do not have that desire. I don't feel like my reasons for wanting kids are good enough reasons. The only reasons I can consciously concoct are my desire to be a football mom, and my second desire to have a daughter named Texas and a son named Houston Austin Dallas [nicknamed Had for short]. Those my dear friends, are not good enough reasons. So until I find better ones, it looks like I will continue to live and enjoy my life as an ambious single female, who answers only to herself and her Maker.

Do not misunderstand me; I do love those close to me, and I do believe I've even been in love before-- and may still be there-- it takes time to become dormant. However, I feel that my only loyalty is to happiness (a. carter), and sometimes that means loving others has to come second. Pardon me if you feel like this is selfish; my intentions are good. I feel like this is more honest than selfish.

Untitled

2005-07-22T19:24:00.000-07:00

I spent a bit of trying to figure out what to title this piece, but nothing seemed to hit it just right. There was "I Loved Him. And He Hates Me." However, this leaves out the finality of the current un-situation. There was "One Last Cry," but that makes way for the word never, and I'm not quite sure that I will never cry again. Then there was "It's Just Different." I had to settle for an untitled piece.

Today he told me that there he thinks we need to close the lines of communication between us, and not talk to each other
at all
anymore
period.
I do not dispute this charge, which I initiated many times previously, but was unable to keep; when he says it, it's just different. I have known him nearly all of my life [about 18 of 22 years], six of which I have been head over heels inamoured, infuriated, miffed, speechless, livid and in love with him. In those six years we have infuriated each other often, but have always reconciled. We've hated each other, at the same time, and at different times; but I always found my way back to love. That is why this time, when I can't even remember why he could be effin pissed off at me, I can't begin to understand "Why now?"

We have not really talked in a while; we have not seen each other in seven months [which is not unusual when one goes to school out of state]; and we have not laughed together since longer than that I'd imagine. So why is this so hard? Why is him telling me that he no longer wishes to talk to me
at all
anymore
period.
a big deal now? I think it's because of the finality of it all, and the fact that I don't know why. Maybe he is just growing up, and realizing that we are static, and will never progress [the way, I am sure, he saw our situation from the very beginning while I was crafting kids' names from his initials].

Q. Why is it a big deal? Why do I even care?

Because I do.
Because even though I have known for a very long time that nothing would ever come of the two of us, I still just do.
Because I think of him everyday, and pray for him [in secret] more than I pray for anyone else.
Because I have never been shut out of anyone's life before, and for the first person to close the door in my face to be him, well, it's really hard.
Because I do.

After we said our final goodbyes. I shook it off, and decided it was close enough to my bedtime to just go to sleep. I decided that I would not cry; I would not even think about it anymore. But as soon as I crawled under my red sheets, I became a girl. He has always made me act-- no, I have always acted so out of character because of him. I was not going to cry, but as soon as I was in that space where we once [a few times] had been, the silent tears were not going to be contained by the stoical persona to which I cling so strongly. I became a girl under those sheets. Lying there I thought I want to burn these sheets. I want to burn my journals. I broke the CD's he gave me, because I am supposed to rid myself of anything which reminds me of him right? Well I can rid myself of the tangible things, but what about the memories? How do you do that?

More importantly how, am I going to get through the day after I pray for him in the morning--because it has become habit-- knowing that I am no longer allowed to speak to him. Ignorance is bliss; I wish I had never initiated a conversation with him tonight because tonight I might have still been ignorant to the fact that he no longer sees a point in talking to me
at all
anymore
period.

My sister told me to just let it go, and my cousin said the same thing. I know that is what I should do. But it's hard. Mainly hard because he was the only person I'd ever let in in that way. I willingly gave him all of me, and more. When others who even held the title of boyfriend were never able to break the icy exterior. And I feel foolish. Foolish for allowing him to be the one to bring down my walls. Could I have not been a better judge of character? I don't let people in immediately because I feel like I must observe them for a long time before. Had I not observed him enough in the twelve years of congnition before I decided to trust enough to be open?

This is my fault, and I cannot blame anyone but myself. For I have loved in vain. With everything I had, I loved in vain. The care packages, in vain. The homemade chocolate chip cookies sans nuts, in vain. The long late Saturday-night talks, in vain. The writings, in vain. The early morning prayers, in vain.

After I cried like the girl that I am not, I decided to shower hoping the flow of water would drown out my tears. Thankfully it did. And as it rained on me, I thought of song after song, that I felt had been written for me in this moment. There were hundreds of them in a matter of minutes. Hundreds of lines, which could have predicted this moment in my life, came just a few hours too late. It's crazy, because even now I feel like just give me one last time. I need just one last time to kiss his lips: I need to feel the emptiness there (but I would savor the taste forever). One more time to look upon his eyes: I need to see a chilled reflection of myself in them (so I know what "no more" looks like). One more time to hear his voice: I need to hear the nonchalant tone which would seal our fate.

I shall have to retire the name Tanalan; I've decided not to have children so the name is up for grabs. This decision came before this night. I decided before tonight to never share my life with anyone. I was incapable before him of being open and now one shall have to pry my emotions open with a crow bar crafted by Zeus himself. But what is scary is that all walls crumble: the walls of Jericho, they crumbled; the walls of Troy, they failed. My walls now, shall be greater than those which guarded the city of Troy; they will be forged of Fe.

I hate her. Is that wrong? I do not even know who her is, and I do; I hate her. I don't even know if there is a her yet, but there will be. And I will hate her. I hate her for being better for him than I. I hate her for being more attractive to him than I. And I hate her for being smarter than I-- wait that's just not possible! Whew that felt good! I laughed. I'm baaaack. Even though I hate her, I will pray that she is all to him that she should be. Just because you love someone who doesn't love you back, doesn't mean you wish the worst for him, and I don't. I don't wish the worst for him.

Quote of the Century

2005-07-19T21:43:00.000-07:00

Life is a sexually transmitted disease.

~R.D. Laing~

Never have truer words been spoken.

Jealousy can kill you...if you let it.

2005-07-18T19:16:00.000-07:00

My pastor speaks often about making a choice: choosing a higher road, and taking the higher path. He describes how just because sometimes taking the higher road is harder don't give up, because [we] deserve more.

I try more arduously every day to take the higher road, to not allow circumstances to interfere with what I know is in store for me. I have even started a daily morning devotional reading from the book Your Best Life Now: 90-Day Devotional Readings. The problem is that sometimes the greater thing that is in store for me is not apart of my "wantto" right now.

Recently, I have found myself being a little jealous in certain areas of my life: jealous of my friends who have graduated from college-- because of certain financial circumstances, I have not quite reached that goal, but in enlarging my vision and taking the steps which I am currently taking, that goal no longer seems as out of reach. This jealousy is one that is not so burdensome because I know that if I take steps 1, 2, and 3 then the product never changes. Graduating from school is totally a formula. Pay tuition + Go to classes + Study + Make good grades = Graduation.

But what do you do if the situation is uncontrolled by your own choices? My most recent fit of jealousy is steming from (doing something I know I ought not do) reading this certain someone's away messages. He always leaves songs for his away messages, and they used to be the ghetto "boontee boontee" music (to quote Stubaby's mom), but recently they have been songs with romantic undertones which leads me to believe there is some chick he is digging enough to promote his feelings for her. I could totally be wrong, and he could have just felt like changing up the genres a bit (but I highly doubt this one).

The problem is that in order to expect more, I have to stop doing some of the things that I am doing. There is no reason for me to continue to read his away messges (although I have made a habit of reading like everyone's away messages on my buddy list); there is no reason for his namem to still be on my buddy list. And I have taken it off. Repeatedly. But I steadly manage to put it back on.

I guess this is what Joel means when he says, don't go half way through the race and settle; continue on until you reach your goal. How do you do that if your goal, your greater is not what you really want. I know that means that I have to just trust that God has something a greater plan in store for me. However, what confuses me is that the only thing I can imagine my greater being is a successful and happy life for myself, by myself. I no longer long to be in an intimate relationship with anyone. I do not long for marital bliss, and a posterity to continue on my family name, values, and ideals. I am truely much happier by myself.

However, we all know that His ways are not our ways, and His thought are far superior to our thoughts. God, I sure hope he is planning to make me the next Oprah; that would be great.

Recipe Exchange

2005-07-10T07:36:00.000-07:00

Chicken Florentine w/ Monterrey
This is my favorite recipe. I was playing around in the kitchen one day and stumbled upon it. So here you go.

What You Will Need (this will service two, increase as necessary):
2 Boneless Chickenbreast
1 tomato
1 red bell pepper
1 yellow bell pepper
1 orange bell pepper
1 bag of fresh spinach
1 pouch of sliced portabella mushrooms
2 tablespoons of olive oil
8oz. Monterrey cheese [a cheddar monterrey mix is good too]
1 Baking Dish
1 George Foreman grill
1 Medium Skillet or Wok

1. Turn the oven to 400 degrees, and plug in a George Foreman (I'm sure everyone has one of these.)
2. Season your chicken breasts to taste (I generally use Lemon Pepper, Seasoning Salt, and Garlic Powder)
3. Chop in cubes 1/4 of each pepper (red, orange, and yellow) set aside in a bowl
4. In another bowl mix together the bag of spinach and a 1/2 cup of sliced portabella mushrooms
5. In the Wok, sautee the choped peppers in 1 tablespoon of oil until tender; once tender, return the peppers to a bowl set aside.
6. Place chicken breasts on the George Foreman... RIGHT NOW GO DO IT RIGHT NOW!!!
7. In the Wok, that is still on the stove, add another tablespoon of Olive Oil and sautee the mushroom and spinach mixture until tender. Once tender, the chicken should also be done then too, remove from heat source.
8. With a fillet knife, slice the chicken breast laterally, opening it almost 3/4ths of the way, as to create a pocket. Place the chicken boobies in the baking dish.
9. Stuff the pocket with the spinach and mushroom mixture, and sprinkle a little shredded cheese as a sealer.
10. Top the chicken breasts with the remainder of spinach and mushroom mixture, then top with shredded monterrey, and on top of the cheese sprinkle your colorful mixture of sauteed peppers, and diced tomatoes.
11. Place in the over for about 10 to 13.5 minutes.
12. Take it out, I could say allow 5 minutes for cooling, but does anyone every really do that? Eat it. Enjoy [if you think it's gross, then don't eat it all!]

Recommended side-dishes:
Golden white potates topped with butter, salt and pepper.
Chicken rice (Rice cooked in chicken broth instead of plain water)
Corn
or for a more colorful experience try cinnamon sweet potatoes.

Begins with K and ends with SEXAY

2005-07-01T23:35:00.000-07:00

I shall pretend to be a girl tonight, and blog about this new guy. For the past three or so weeks, I have admired this guy from afar; we work together. Just recently, he received a promotion in our engineering department, and thusly his office was moved right next to mine!

I do not know if he is beautiful so much as he has a wonderful voice. His voice, it's not too deep, and not too high. It's just plain sexy, and I am not sure if he knows it or not. Since he's moved to an office directly adjacent to mine, we talk a lot more; and everytime he calls my name "Krystal," he says, I have to turn and look away in order to hide the oh so involuntary pacified expression that surfaces. Whenever we hold an extended conversation, I always feel the urge to check my panties--if I'm wearing any at all-- to make sure all is dry!

Imagine closing your eyes, and beautiful Latino-- I've never been into a Latino before-- and as he begins talking, you feel his vocal vibrations tug at the very nucleus of your soul. He doesn't have an accent, so it's hard to explain what it is exactly about this voice that has me so inamored.

Three days ago, I accidentally locked myself between the warehouse and the company's corporate office building, and he had to be the one to come and let me out. I felt that the situation was too funny to be embarrassing, especially since he has a great sense of humor. We laughed about it even over lunch today. While riding on the back of his Yamaha, on our way to lunch, I am sure he had no idea what naughty thoughts ran through my mind, as he had no idea what naughty thoughts began to run through my head once I realized he was coming back to save me from my distressed situation.

OMG, today even beyond talking, this dude starts humming Shai's "If I Ever Fall In Love Again," I was sitting in my office like no effin way. Obviously, that led him to begin a quite lengthy conversation about "baby making music," and I'm thinking, "If yo sexy sounding ass only knew that, I have that Soaking Wet Seductions CD-- one I made for ole dude-- but I would definately be willing to share it with my new booty, I mean office buddy-- with his sexy ass!

Wow, I didn't know I thought that much about it. But no worries, this ain't no love thang-- I am not that crazy; I am still just peepin the little cutie!

Something to Offends Everyone

2005-06-21T21:16:00.000-07:00

Great email worth sharing....

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan

What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
The position of the dirt bag

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts?

Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.

What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to Arkansas ?
Everyone has the same DNA.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."

Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.

Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong".

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time ..." -A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain'tgonnabelievethisshit....

Why is there no Disneyland in China ?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides..

The Ballots are In...

2005-06-21T20:02:00.000-07:00

and "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn," is the number one of 100 movie quotes over the past 100 years. This is rightfully so, because Clarke Gable was the sexiest male start to ever grace the silver screen, and Gone With the Wind is the best movie of all time!

My Brother D

2005-06-20T20:23:00.000-07:00

...has made me a better person.

My sister and her husband have been married for a year this July 5, so I thought now would be a good time to reflect on the things that my new brother D has added to my life. You should know, that while he is married to my sister, he has never been my brother-in-law: D-Man is my brother!

While walking to SP Waterpark entrance, for the first time I consciously realized how moral my bother is. I learned that day that he does not --almost ever-- and never consciously walk on handicap ramps. Now, me being the insensitive boob that I sometimes am used to walk up those things all of the time. I asked him why he never walks up the handicap ramps, and he simply said something to the effect of, "It's almost disrespectful. We have full use of our limbs, yet we are too lazy to take the stairs."

What I think I love the most is that his morals are not forced on others; he doesn't stand at handicapped ramps and with picket signs saying, "Respect the quadriplegics. Take the stairs!" His actions - most often demonstrated silently-- promote his causes.

How he's made me a better person:

I no longer walk up handicap ramps.

I try to keep my apartment emaculant. He bought a book about cleaning, and he was so excited about putting these rules into practice. He would occasionally call me in the wee hours of the morning to tell me that a toilet is supposed to be cleaned everyday; you should change your dishrag daily, and if you don't then you should soak it in bleach and at least change it weekly; you should vacuum daily; and every morning when you wake up [possibly while you shower] you should pull your covers back and air our your room by opening a window.

First, I thought he was nuts for calling me so early to tell me these things, but then I realized that if he was calling me at seven in the morning, that means he was up cleaning at seven in the morning. There was action on his end as well.

Because of him, and his book, there was a time [before working fulltime] when I would wake up and vacuum my apartment every morning. Cleaned my toilet every three days. Washed my sheets every week, once every three days on a good week. Cleaned my baseboards with a toothbrush. And inducted into my daily existence a bleach box in which I now keep my dishrag which I try to remember to change out every week.

I began reading the paper. Because of my Dear Brother D, I willingly began to subscribing to USA Today, and then to This Week, a magazine that takes all of the worthwhile news stories from the week and compiles them for people who just don't have time to read a whole paper everyday.

While I no longer receive those subscriptions, I at least read CNN.com or USAToday.com daily to keep up on current events, void of Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, and Tom & Katie.

I make people take off their shoes before walking on my carpet. That has been a rule at my brother's house for as long as I have known him. When I moved into my own apartment here in Houston, I quickly adapted that rule because I wanted to keep my carpet as clean as he kept his [no fees for carpet upon moving out of the apartment]!

While I am not there yet, I have learned that is possible to give 110% at everything to which you place your hands. Everything he does is at "all plus" or nothing: softball, cleaning, teaching, reading, and loving. Sometimes I watch him in awe, wondering how he never tires. Wondering how me manages to give his all at teaching for a bit more than 10 hours a day, then still makes it to the gym to work out, still manages to do everything else he does, and go to be by 10:30 or 11:00pm every night.

My hats off to you Brother D. Thanks for helping me to become a better person. Sister Nix-- great catch!

Just Before Bed

2005-06-18T22:29:00.000-07:00

Yesterday’s epiphany was an incorrect one. I am not crazy and I am not stupid, but I am tired. Today I woke up and said it is over, and that means little to you because to you it never began. For me that statement is the creed by which I will live the rest of my life. Every morning I will wake up and say that it is over.

Today is one of many when I woke up to the thought that this would be the end of a four year downward spiral. The only difference is that the other mornings I woke and thought maybe today would be the end of a downward spiral. Today is different. I woke up cold. I woke up hard and incapable of loving; I have been drained. People often say that it is never the end; it is always the beginning of something new. I do not concur. The part of me that allowed for love is dead and there is no new beginning.

I want to runaway, but it is impossible to run away from myself so I have to take other measures in order to cope with the problem I have dwelt inside of for years. I have had other problems. This one is different. This one involves the emotions that I ran from for sixteen years, those same emotions that have entrapped me for the past four. My best friend of ten years lied to me, and that was a problem for me. I was able to detach myself from her as easily as one breaks apart jigsaw puzzle pieces. That situation makes me wonder why it is so hard for me to detach myself from any mere mortal who has had no direct effect on my existence. I have loved so hard that it has turned to hate. Hate for him and frustration with God for allowing me to love the wrong person.

My character strength and flaw are both one in the same: desire. Whether it comes easily or with a degree of difficulty, I always get what I want. You can do that when what you want makes logical sense, when there is a logical way to obtain your goal. The thing called emotion is not so—there is no logical approach when feelings are involved. There is no logic.

-written 09/18/03-

I'm Really Not A Girlie Girl

2005-06-17T17:06:00.000-07:00

Maybe I'll blog in the style of my friend, Areyl. He has a list going just about everyday, so since I can think of something about which I can list, I'll give it a shot.

I am not a girl because...

I can get dressed and ready for anything in 15 minutes or less [assuming I've already showered].
I would rather stay at home and play Madden instead of putting on heels, and going out to a club to try to find a man of relationship potential. You go to clubs, to drink, and meet dudes or chicks [not potential sig others]. Is it me or does anyone else see the nonsense in trying to meet someone when so many people there are intoxicated or really just going to approach you because of the way you look? How many people actually attempt to hold a conversation with someone in a club where the music is blaring out of control?
I do not sit up and fantasize about love, marriage, and motherhood.
I am not a fan of intimacy. Cuddling is a faux pas for me: as a friend of mine says, it's funny because my dislike of intimacy, touching, cuddling, and all that junk is original. I'm not that way because of being hurt so many times [because, clearly I've only been hurt once]. I've just never warmed up to being up under someone or having him up under me. Unless it's about to go there please do not touch. Friendly hugs --from friends-- are okay though.
I don't like spending time with just one person. This does not mean I want to spend time with lots of different people, but I don't look forward to seeing anyone everyday. I never have.
I know that I look fat in my dresses, and in my pants, and skirts, and the button down shirts that like to gap at my DD cupped breasts. If he can't handle it, that's just too effin bad. I'm not going to put on a show for any man, woman or child. If someone can't realize that I am an intelligent female, with a great personality because s/he won't look past the appearance, then I don't give a fuck about them anyway.
I have never, nor will I ever, allow a someone other than my sister/best friend to pay to get my nails or my hair done. I mean really, I have a job.
I don't cry over dudes-- read it and weep kiddos.
The only shopping in enjoy-- truly enjoy-- is DVD shopping. If I go shopping for clothes, I go in get what I need, and walk out. No browsing allowed. I have made it in and out of Houston's Galleria in the record time of 4 1/2 minutes.
I am great with directions: not right or left idiots, but north, south, east, or west.
I don't read instructions. Most things really do just make sense if you think about them.
I hate playing hard to get. It's a waste of time, and time is money. If I like you, and you approach me I'm going to let you know; I don't play that phone tag or the should I call him or wait for him to call me game. That is stupid.
I've changed the tires on my car in about seven minutes.
I know most of the rules to football.
I'm logical. I'm not a feeler, I am definitely a thinker and can be quite insensitive.

I'm sure I'll think of more later.... this is enough for now.

Intimacy

2005-06-14T19:35:00.000-07:00

In order to create a definitive work of art one sometimes must look to outside sources for inspiration. I sat in front of my computer trying to think of a profound definition of intimacy; I reached no where quickly. With nowhere else to turn, I instant messaged my good friend and said, ÂWhatdosen'tnÂt intimacy mean to you?Â He then replied, ÂButt naked.Â

I laughed. Then I realized that his answer was the answer for which I had been searching all day. While I may have left out the butt portion of the response, the rest was so accurate. Intimacy is to be naked, exposed, uninhibited with someone else. Inhibition is a major part of the nature of intimacyÂit is the part that allows one to trust another with his flaws, and still feel okay. This definition is as primitive as Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. As long as they were obedient, they were intimate with God. They were exposed before him, and it was good. Once they lost His trust, they broke the connection between God and themselves; they no longer felt comfortable; their broken trust caused them to feel ashamed; and they hid.

Trust is what strengthens the bond of familiarity. The word intimate is derived from the Latin root, intima re, which translates "to make familiar with." Familiarity comes from nakedness, and familiarity says, ÂI can wake up and see your face and smell your morning halitosis every morning, and that is okay, because I realize there is something beyond the morning breath and bed hair keeping me here.Â

I feel the most natural reaction for any pubescent individual would be to say that intimacy means a sexual relationship. However, if one really takes the time to analyze what really defines intimacy, I believe that he will see that intimacy is the connection created between two interlocking souls. Intimacy is the linking of oneÂs being to anotherÂs. Intimacy is the nearly complete knowledge of another personÂs world without having been told everything. There is a certain privacy or secrecy that marks an intimate relationship--a relationship which is defined by the discreet whispers told, in dark corners, between friends or lovers with complete cognitions that the content of those secrets will forever be shared between the two.

It is important to understand that intimacy does not have to involve love, or lovers; it is a kinship between two or more people. Any two people can whisper, in dark corners, private thoughts that could leave them bare before each other. Sometimes the most intimate secrets are between strangers. It is almost like meeting a new person in a bookstore, telling him all of your wildest dreams--the ones you keep hidden from those with whom you normally associate for fear of rejection or belittling. However, an intimate release between strangers means even if one is judging it matters not because for one brief moment both of them were free to think and feel whatever they wanted. Both were able to exhale--they exhale together, and possibly go their separate ways not knowing or even caring that the other may think he was crazy because the secret was finally out and no longer burdensome.

The ability to bare all is the essence of intimacy; whether that is between two people who already have an established relationship, or whether that is between strangers who have not been able to exhale before is not the case. This state of exposure may come from discreet whispers or silent soul connections both of which lead to necessary nakedness.

On My Soapbox Today

2005-06-12T11:22:00.000-07:00

Big women can cook but smaller women are healthier. And sex dies in a relationship. Chris Rock told me that last one.

Get the Fuck outta here!

What the hell is wrong with people today. The above ignorant remark came from Zilla Says post for the day. I read this and nearly shat myself.

Smaller women are healthier my ass. Tell me this, how can you be healthy if you don't eat shit. How can you be healthy if you go through "agonizing" procedures, diets, and "meal plans" to keep yourself small? How can eliminating any of the necessary food groups be healthy. By doing this you deprive yourself of numerous comination of Vitamins A, B, C, D, and/or E. How is this healthy. Even Dr. Atkins himself died from a simple ass fall -- and even if not proven-- it's highly possible because he had deprived himself of necessary food.

I am a BIG GIRL. Yes I can cook, but I can also still do two miles in under thirty minutes. My blood pressure is really good [even for someone of a normal size -- the blood donations nurse had the audacity to say that shit to me], and I am not too shabby under the bench.

My favorite vegetable is spinach and I eat either spinach, broccoli, and/or green beans EVERYDAY. When I go out to eat, I'll order salad as my meal [even if I am not on a date]. I also do not have a problem ordering steak, if it is what I want [protein sucka].

Have you ever seen skinny ass women with hair or "fur" on their faces? It's because THEY DON'T EAT ENOUGH, and their body is trying to find warmth from the outside because with lack of nutrients internal insulation is not really possible! So tell your "smaller hairier healthy twig girls" that they don't need to shave! THEY NEED TO EAT.

Men can be rolly polly fat slobs, but women can't because men need to be visually stimulated?!?! If you want to stimulate a man show him a pussy! It can even be diseased; he won't care. If you can't look at me and get all the visual stimulation you need then I won't fucking want you anyway.

So as for me, I will EAT; I will continue to WORK OUT; I will FUCK like a bunny; and I will DIE HAPPY and HEALTHY!!! If anyone doesn't like it s/he can EAT SHIT!

Mid-Level Nerd

2005-06-12T08:33:00.000-07:00

Ball and Chain onto Red! It's His Wedding Day!

2005-06-11T07:34:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite carrot-top comrades gets married today. Well, if that is what he wants, all the best to him!

As for me on the other hand, I keep feeling as though that day just might not come for me. I don't feel like this because "I'll never find a good man," but because I really don't think I want marriage and all that it entails. I've never been the lovey dovey type, so the idea of setting myself up for a life of compromise just doesn't sound so appealing to me.

Recurring Dream/Nightmare and Nightsweats

2005-05-29T22:55:00.000-07:00

Have you ever woken up to a dream that just won't go away? For the past five days I have woken up to the same series of flashbacks; they were so real, they were almost tangible.

What's hard is figuring out how to make them go away. Either they are a harbinger, what is supposed to be, or a form of torture reminding me of what I am so desperately trying to shun. This morning, for the first time in my life, I woke up in a sweat.

My air was on seventy-six degrees [and this is really cold for me], and my fan was blazing, and I still woke up sweating because of the subconscious movies that I have been forced to watch, and thereby relive everyday for about a week.

What to do?

Comment: So what is your worst recurring dream/nightmare? And how did you get it to stop?

Reletting Vengeance, Anger and Angst

2005-05-26T19:55:00.000-07:00

"Vengeance is Mine; I shall repay," says the Lord.

I'm reletting my vengeance, anger, and angst. I am "de-posting" my previousl article "Six Years of Lunacy," because it was rude-- while well-warranted-- I don't fair too well with rude. It doesn't suit me, because it accomplishes nothing.

I've been hurt-- mainly by myself and what I allowed myself to belive. I've been hurt; big fucking whoop-- so has everyone else. I've been hurt, but I am going to believe that none of it was intentional: just a result of two people [myself included] making some poor decisions. I am going to shake it off and step up.

And when I meet that dude (or female-- in my closet life), whom I think is just wonderful, and everything that I imagined I'd ever wanted, then I'll merely just...

RUN FOR MY DEAR LIFE!!!!!!!
lol leave one.. my comments are starting to look scarce

MSNBC.com Article: Official: Son Mistakes Parents' Sex For Domestic Abuse

2005-05-23T18:58:00.000-07:00

Official: Son Mistakes Parents' Sex For Domestic Abuse
A 16-year-old boy who reportedly shot his father in his mother's defense faces a felony charge, Local 2 reports. However, what was originally reported as a son defending his mother may have actually been an intimate moment between his parents.

http://g.msn.com/0MNBUS00/2?http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6954717&&CM=EmailThis&CE=1
_____________________________

Writing Block

2005-05-14T22:32:00.000-07:00

Typing with the only ounce of energy I have left: my readers deserve that. Today was the day in which I remembered why friendship-- and family-- are so important. You have to forgive me; I have been having a writing block for the past couple of days, possibly even a whole week or two. Even though today was a great day, and a great many things have happened in my life in just the last week alone, I still do not feel that I can give them, in prose, words worthy of it's greatness. Until this writing block passes...

Comming of Age

2005-05-14T00:03:00.000-07:00

He told me that I had gotten over him. I was stunned. Wait-stop- I will not write about him, not tonight.

Today was my last day at the law firm. You are now reading the blog of a new Marketing Assistant. I think I am going to like this new job. There are only two females in our whole entire office this should be cool. How about I give you something worth reading.

Sitting in a room on a fair almost-summer-night in Texas, I am talking to the French and craving a lemon berry slush from Sonic. I tried one today with Tequilla as I drove down the new Ft. Bend tollway; it was actually really good. Why pay $5 for a margarita if I can just get a cherry or berry limeade from Sonic for $1.59 [or $.89 during happy hour], and just add tequilla!

yeah that really wasn't worth reading. oh well... off to bed.

Neat United States History Factoid

2005-05-11T23:01:00.000-07:00

Did you know there was one U.S. state that no longer exists? In 1784 the U.S. had a state called Franklin, named after Benjamin Franklin. But four years later, it was incorporated into Tennessee.

How cool! We should have left it Franklin.

Okay so I dont Sound Like I'm from Texas

2005-05-07T22:29:00.000-07:00

No matter what this thing says... I am a TEXAN at heart...even if I don't sound like one... Is anyone else wondering why my total is not 100%?

Your Linguistic Profile:

50% General American English

25% Yankee

20% Dixie

0% Midwestern

0% Upper Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

Apartment Hunting

2005-05-07T19:56:00.000-07:00

Okay so my new goal is to save money; thusly I am in the process of looking for another less expensive apartment. I am not quite sure how I am going to do that. The on site lake, crown molding, garden tub, and open kitchen and dining can become so adictive. How am I going to go to a busted ole lakeless apartment complex? Well, I guess I'll have to tell myself everyday that it's the only way I get to save for a house. Enough of that. I'm out....nothing else to say.

God, so you wanted me to test out Womanhood... here are the defects

2005-05-04T22:59:00.000-07:00

God,
You asked me to come down here and try out this womanhood thing that you created. Well I've tested it out, and here is my current update on the known defects. It is quite possible that more may follow. The list currently includes the following:

Boobs- God, running with these are a pain in the assets. They bob up and down and the larger ones have to be restrained with more than one sports bra. The small ones do not garner enough attention from the opposite sex and serve as a source of low self esteem or questionable sexuality in most.
Periods - Sir, is there really a reason this fluid must come from down there monthly? If it's really that bad for us to have in there, couldn't we just do without it all together, and you find a way to tweek it so reproduction can cycle another way? Really, a wad of fucking cotton!?!?!
Fish -- Omega, that smell belongs in the ocean, not in the secrets. One good reason why any woman could ever smell like this?
The Cherry -- Why do we have an indicator, and the hes do not?
Bras- God, have you ever tried the underwire thing? Eliminate number one and you kill two birds with one stone.
The female orgasm -- Why does ours have to take so much more effot, and longer than the hes and the one that belongs to the hes cums quickly, and they get eye-rolling action?
Pregnancy - Nine months? I mean really, can we negotiate down to four and a half. Just double the gestation speed.
The phrase "It's ain't mine." -- We never get to say this. God, it's starting to look like you have a favored sex. You would never see a woman walking around saying "it's ain't mine." When she has a belly shaped like a medium watermelon. Compromise: we get the "joys of prenancy" [see 34 weeks and counting] and the hes can have a temporary stigma on his penis that says "It's definately mine." It can even fade after nine months.
Hair styling: Why? For what?
The afterbirth - It hurts more and it can't even take care of us when we get older. This can be eliminated.
Post partum depression - as if the last four months weren't enough.
Cramps - They really are just not funny. Not up for discussion
Delivery - from 0cm to 10 cm? There wasn't a more comforting way to produce the same results? Oh wait, this was Eve's doing right? Then just point me in her direction, and I'll take care of this one.
Men with small penises - If it's got to get to 10 cm, at the very least give us a way to prepare ourselves for it. Give us a fun way to practice for it too.
Sitting/squatting to pee - God, the methodology here, plain and simply , just needs to be reworked.
The male brain - Duh!

Ladies feel free to leave any addition defects to be sent up to the Man Upstairs. He listens!

Juniors and "The Seconds" not in my house!

2005-04-30T23:22:00.000-07:00

I have a question. I need someone to explain to me why women [some women] name their kids after their baby's daddy. The ranting of an stoical femme fatal follows:

Let me make sure I understand this correctly. A dude [maybe one who holds the title of husband, fiance, boyfriend, dude doing the screwin']during the course of sexual intercourse sends some semen into a woman's ...ya know; chances are that happened before that woman got hers. One of those thousands and millions of sperm happen to swim to an egg and fertilizes it. This fertalized egg becomes a zygote, then the real work begins. For the next nine months, the expectant mom counts the new stretch marks that are appearing daily. She has to learn to sleep on her back because rolling over for a good night's sleep on her stomach is no longer plausible. In the first few months she upchucks right before brushing her teeth. Doctor visits, baby kicks, false labor pains. Real labor pains. Taking anywhere from 0 to 95984309753 hours to get her cervix to dialate from 0cm to 10cm so the watermelon-sized infant which she has been nurturing can slide through and possibly even rip her from annus to birthing canal, thusly requiring stitches.

The dude on the other hand, after depositing the semen, he occasionally drives to get the odd food item craved at weird hours.

So can someone explain WHY a baby should ever be named after his father? Please enlighten me (enlightenment to me means logical reasoning, not something that i can refute due on a basis of stupid and opinion based not fact-driven)

***Note to Readers...any potential suitors: a. you are wasting your time, b. I don't care if you are Prince William himself-- my child will NOT be the continuation of your lineage, and if we are not married, don't even expect him/her to get your last name!****

Missin Math

2005-04-29T16:41:00.000-07:00

I decided recently, while helping my sister with her pre-algebra homework, that I really do miss math. I was a stellar math student, but I decided to major in Communications??? While teaching my sister trig functions, I remembered why math was my first love. It made my brain churn; sometimes the answer was right there on the tip of my pencil, and other times it was burried under four cups of IHOP's coffee at 4:00am. Eitherway it was there, non-waivering, and waiting for me to find it.

Why did I loose that? When did I decided that not putting a preposition at the end of a sentence was more important or more exciting that a good ole fashion integration problem? The two things in which I trived during high school are the two things away from which I am the furthest: acting, and math. I miss them, and I think (while I still have the chance) it's time to revive at least the latter. Here I come!

Blah

2005-04-26T21:30:00.000-07:00

Missin Means.

On another note.. Mr. 26 just won't take a damn hint! Why is he still trying? I understand he is attractive, and is probably not used to getting shot down by the likes of me. That matters not! I am not interested. Would someone please, for the love of God give him my blog address?

Make it 27 things I hate about him..
#27. As I walk past him either pretending to be on the phone or I really on the phone, he proceeds to attempt to hold a conversation with me!! Rudeass-- you're never ever getting past "so what are you doing later tonight" ever again! Arrugh

Did You Know...

2005-04-26T12:31:00.000-07:00

Three glasses of whole milk, for example, contains as much saturated fat as 13 strips of cooked bacon.

See more Health Facts: http://www.hsph.harvard.edu/nutritionsource/pyramids.html

Funny Private School Story

2005-04-26T09:08:00.000-07:00

My sister called me today to tell me that a senior at our old high school [one of the uppity private schools in the city] just drove his/her brand new two-door Bentley to school. I mean really-- there is a new 2-door Bentley in the student parking lot. That student lot is used to Mercedes, BMW's and my Ford Escort! But a Bentley now that is just hilarious!

Tribute to My Grandmother

2005-04-23T23:19:00.000-07:00

In rememberance....

With the Love Taught by Mua
To Mua…

How do you accurately express the love and affection of one who has loved so many and given so much?

The truth is that the love and affection of our grandmother cannot be accurately expressed, not in words here on this paper today, not in words of reminiscent memories, not in words in our journals reflecting on the life of our Mua. The only way to accurately express her love, and affection is through our actions and the way we love others. Will we miss her? Oh most definitely! However each of us can find a part of Annie Laura in our own spirit. She is apart of us; she is the quiet smirk of approval; she is the dimple in our chin; she is the voice confirming “there are no ugly people in my family,” she is the lingering smell of homemade cornbread dressing on Thanksgiving Day; she is the switch across our rear, and she is the report card money in our pocket. We will take those small things and hold on to them. Nurture them. Water them and watch them grow. They make our world right. We are not letting go of you yet. Mua, much love and many thanks for loving us. You are an amazing woman, recently made perfect by your heavenly father, and you will be most certainly missed, but your legacy will carry on through all of us. We will put our forehead kisses on reserve for you until we meet again.

With the love that you instilled in each of us,
Your thirty-seven grandchildren

A Little Bit of Naughty Writing

2005-04-16T20:19:00.000-07:00

I was reading Zane's Sex Chronicles last night, and realized how much I was disappointed by most of the stories... it definitely seemed more like telling instead of showing. In writing I think you should show not tell right? Anyway it inspired me to write a little. This isn't hardcore or anything. Just what came out when I started writing. As it is against Google's blogger policies, I can't really post the whole thing as what comes after the ellipses is semi-provocative... but here is a taste.

I have laid here for numerous moments in attempts to fall asleep: trying to avoid writing the letter that I know I will regret not only this next morning, but many mornings to come. Its hot in here. The fan is blazing; the air conditioner, blasting. But nothing cools me but the sound of this pen to paper. I have placed myself in a box where morals are the main attraction and self-destruction is a result of me succumbing to unscrupulous thoughts and actions. This destruction tonight shall be well warranted.

Every time I close my eyes, I imagine I feel the touch of you hands; I feel your breath permeate the short invisible hairs on the back of my neck, and I can feel your heart beat, your pulse though your palms. I open my eyes to defuse the faint fanciful apparitions, but the magnitude of their allure makes my lids heavy. I succumb to the carnal desire yet again. This time there is sound. The melodic tone sounds like Prince, but there are no words. You and I stand in the middle of a dimly lit room, swaying freely to the rhythm and blues infused sounds. We are standing so close, and because this is my night dream, I do not feel inhibited; I do not feel ashamed; I feel you....

To find out the rest... comment or email, and I'll send it to you-- as long as you are over 18.

Why Amn't I Geeked About Love

2005-04-14T17:07:00.000-07:00

Am I a woman? Am I a girl? Am I a human being? If I am, why does the idea of falling head over heals in love with someone [who loves me back] not arouse an ounce of excitment? Maybe at one point the idea excited me, but now, in my today, I couldn't care less if I ever engaged in that "foot popping kiss."

I wonder what has diluted my girlish sense of romantic fantasy. I think that subconsciously I feel that love is a fantsy, and fantsies are unrealistic. Maybe I am just like every other fe/male who has been hurt once but unrequited love and vows never to love again. Maybe I have subconsciously convienced myself that love is for books, and some bad movies.

One thing I can say in my defense is that I have always thought that love breeds irrational thoughts, leading to irrational actions, and before I would willingly sucumb to irrational tendencies I would rather avoid the emotion which leads one to such. I prefer reason over emotion. Possibly, I prefer to be hurt by my own actions as opposed to being hurt, confused, or frustrated by someone else's emotions. I can't control those. I have absolutely no say so. Maybe that means I'm a control freak.

I think it's just that I have thought that the movies were more corny than cute, more utopian than actual, more ...okay this article is causing nausea....one

3 Minutes Until Idol

2005-04-12T16:57:00.000-07:00

I can't really think of anything interesting to talk about today, but I didn't want you all to think I was slipping back into a recession. I'm still here! Be on the lookout for a blog tomorrow. Maybe I will take Zilla's advice and do a "43 Things Before I Die" Blog.

Make sure you check him out. We are writting a book together.... aren't we Zillz?

Also check out the new Gripe of the Day... my girl Prissy is a RIOT yo!