Truth Is Ordinary People Can't Wait

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BROTHER IN LAW AND MY FAVORITE RED-HEADED FRIEND FROM KHS! This post serves two purposes for me. The first is that it makes me realize that I have been doing this "blog" thing for over a year. I remember this because this time last year, I was writing a post[ V.D. -- "Fakey" Holiday ]somewhat similar to the one I am about to write right now. So here it is... VD. I'm not going to write as much as I did last year, because that pretty much sums it up. Many of you, especially those close to me, know how much I loathe the fakey holiday that most people refer to as Valentine's Day. Many have asked me why I hate this day, and I have sincerely been unable to put my finger on the exact reason, or the exact year that I decided that this day was worth nothing more than morning upchuck that I feel coming on whenever I roll over to find the date on my palm/alarm clock to read 02.14.?? I went to Wal-Mart the other day (one of my unhappy places

An article that I just read " Family Welcomes Baby No. 17 ", has with just cause placed me high upon my soapbox today. This article was a lifestyles piece on the Largest Family in America. Basically two imigrants, since moving to America seven years ago with their eleven children, still do not speak English [the parents nor the kids]. Since they have been here, they have had six more kids. This, for those of you who aren't too quick with the math, means that they have SEVENTEEN biological kids. Now as disgusted as it makes me to imagine spending over 136 months or 11.33 years of my life pregnant, some women may find it to be a wonderful gift from God. Yes, it is amazing that one woman could carry 17 kids through 17 different pregnancies-- I'd never do it, but I shall not discredit it's wonderous nature. So all of these kids could be a beautiful thing. Those of you who know me, know exactly what I am about to say next. There are TWO MAJOR problems with this story.

Great email worth sharing.... What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan What is a Yankee? The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone. What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ? The position of the dirt bag Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it. What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over? Doughnuts? Why is air a lot like sex? Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any. What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever. What do attorneys use for birth control? Their personalities. What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? 45 lbs What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband? 45 minutes What's the fastest way to a man's heart? Through his chest with a sharp knife. Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand criticism. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends. What'

Maybe I'll blog in the style of my friend, Areyl . He has a list going just about everyday, so since I can think of something about which I can list, I'll give it a shot. I am not a girl because... I can get dressed and ready for anything in 15 minutes or less [assuming I've already showered]. I would rather stay at home and play Madden instead of putting on heels, and going out to a club to try to find a man of relationship potential. You go to clubs, to drink, and meet dudes or chicks [not potential sig others]. Is it me or does anyone else see the nonsense in trying to meet someone when so many people there are intoxicated or really just going to approach you because of the way you look? How many people actually attempt to hold a conversation with someone in a club where the music is blaring out of control? I do not sit up and fantasize about love, marriage, and motherhood. I am not a fan of intimacy. Cuddling is a faux pas for me: as a friend of mine says, it

Big women can cook but smaller women are healthier. And sex dies in a relationship. Chris Rock told me that last one. Get the Fuck outta here! What the hell is wrong with people today. The above ignorant remark came from Zilla Says post for the day. I read this and nearly shat myself. Smaller women are healthier my ass. Tell me this, how can you be healthy if you don't eat shit. How can you be healthy if you go through "agonizing" procedures, diets, and "meal plans" to keep yourself small? How can eliminating any of the necessary food groups be healthy. By doing this you deprive yourself of numerous comination of Vitamins A, B, C, D, and/or E. How is this healthy. Even Dr. Atkins himself died from a simple ass fall -- and even if not proven-- it's highly possible because he had deprived himself of necessary food. I am a BIG GIRL. Yes I can cook, but I can also still do two miles in under thirty minutes. My blood pressure is really good [even for someone o

God, You asked me to come down here and try out this womanhood thing that you created. Well I've tested it out, and here is my current update on the known defects. It is quite possible that more may follow. The list currently includes the following: Boobs - God, running with these are a pain in the assets. They bob up and down and the larger ones have to be restrained with more than one sports bra. The small ones do not garner enough attention from the opposite sex and serve as a source of low self esteem or questionable sexuality in most. Periods - Sir, is there really a reason this fluid must come from down there monthly? If it's really that bad for us to have in there, couldn't we just do without it all together, and you find a way to tweek it so reproduction can cycle another way? Really, a wad of fucking cotton!?!?! Fish -- Omega, that smell belongs in the ocean, not in the secrets. One good reason why any woman could ever smell like this? The Cherry --

I have a question. I need someone to explain to me why women [some women] name their kids after their baby's daddy. The ranting of an stoical femme fatal follows: Let me make sure I understand this correctly. A dude [maybe one who holds the title of husband, fiance, boyfriend, dude doing the screwin']during the course of sexual intercourse sends some semen into a woman's ...ya know; chances are that happened before that woman got hers. One of those thousands and millions of sperm happen to swim to an egg and fertilizes it. This fertalized egg becomes a zygote, then the real work begins. For the next nine months, the expectant mom counts the new stretch marks that are appearing daily. She has to learn to sleep on her back because rolling over for a good night's sleep on her stomach is no longer plausible. In the first few months she upchucks right before brushing her teeth. Doctor visits, baby kicks, false labor pains. Real labor pains. Taking anywhere from 0 to 959843

In order for an apology to be warranted, an ill-doing must have preceded. The problem here is just that. The perpetrator and the apologist are one and the same. Many say that a perpetrator must apologize, and make amends for his/her ill-doing. The problem problem with apologies is perpetrators can get off so easy because all he has to do is apologize, like that is all he can do. The victim is left with grunt work all of the time. She is the one who is reduced to nothingness, wondering what she did, why it happened to her, then she is left with the most taxing decision of whether to forgive or not to forgive. The problem then becomes that after the perpetrator has apologized not forgiving would only stand to harm the victim by making her bitter and angry. What kind of effed up system is that? And repenting. This is why I could not be God. He listens to people apologize over and over for the same thing, and He continuously forgives. Whereas I would just be like, " Look! Stop doing

So last night's dream was interesting, odd, yet probably indicative of the woman I will grow to become. Here is the scenario. I am about fifty-five years old, and have been married for about thirty years. We [my husband and I] have four children, three girls and a boy. We are happy. We have two kids in college and two in senior high, and we are happy. One night at dinner I tell my husband that when our youngest graduates from high school in two years, I am going to file for divorce. I explain that it is not a result of anything that he has done, nor I. I do not want to be with anyone else, because I do love him; I just no longer have the desire to be his wife. I explain that our children should not know about our future plans to separate, because it would only cause confusion, but I wanted him to know so he could have time to prepare himself. Obviously floored by the fact that I have plotted to divorce him in two years, he interrogates me. He asks if there is someone else, am I no

HELP WANTED... WORK FOR YOUR GOVERNMENT : Population Assistant: Education requirement: None. Your duties include having babies to increase our population. Benefits include Medicare, and a payment on the first of every month. Meals provided. New housing available. Day Care often provided-even though you don't have another job so you don't need it. Salary increases commensurate with product, quantity not quality. And just think... there are women who do this job and pay us! We are willing to give you their hard earned money!

This is an example of how to loose a girl in seven days! I did it! Today I finally told the guy from work that I was not interested. Well, I didn't really tell him that I was uninterested, I told him that "I am not the type of person with whom he should want to pursue a relationship." I felt like that was nicer. This ladies and gentlemen [let me preface this blog by noting that right now I am so very drunk] is my realization for today. I should not have any more relationships unless I feel like they could be indicative of marriage. That is bold, righ't? I know, but here is my reasoning. I simply cannot say, "I do not like you and I do not want to continue talking too you." In the past whenever I have been ready to break up with someone, I could just never push myself to do it. Instead, I would begin to act like a complete dork or just ignore the person all together, quite rudimentry I know, but However, this guy -- not the subject of "The New Guy "

I am so pleased that I created a blog in time to voice my opinions about how much I absolutely detest this Fakey "Holi" Day. You can call me the Scrooge of Valentine's fakey Holiday, and I would humbly accept that oh so adequate appellation. I don't know what has caused me to grow so cold to this particular day, but over the years my angst for the day heightens. The disgust for the day has grown so that it causes me to do overtly abnormal things. For example, I go into a store only once when I realize that Christmas decorations are being replaced, in stores, by the pink and red hearts, an overabundance of teddy bears, heart shaped chocolates, and a whole aisle of Hallmark Gold fakey holiday cardstock. When these decorations begin their initial flood of the stores, I make out a grocery list that will last me a good month and a half [December 27-February 16] and buy everything that I will possibly need to hold me over until this dreaded fakey is over. Secondly, I post

A pregnant woman's view on the struggle. What follows is a tired, young pregnant woman's rant on the whole unfairness of things. Later in this conversation she welcomes the idea of writing a letter Congress and requesting passing the "Dot Law." Enjoy! "Forget the weight gain. That is not an issue, you can loose weight but what about life long stretch marks! I think so unfair that after nine months of pregnancy it's still not over. You gotta have two damn things leak. You bleed for six weeks and ya damn titties leak. The other species has it so much easier than us. I'm serious. Krystal, it's not right. They don't have pre-labor pains. They don't have shit stretching. I think that by law men should be required to wear a pregnancy suit once they find out their woman is pregnant. And for those who do not stay with their women will have to wear a big dot on his head that shows that they have gotten a woman pregnant and is not doing anything to