I Really Don't Mean to Boast, and I Don't Want to Seem Shallow so please forgive me.

In the past couple of months, I have had two people on separate occasions tell me that over the past few months, my conversations has dissipated and become nothing more than the boastful ranting of a chick who buys too much stuff.  Now, both people have told me that they know that I am not shallow, or materialistic, but over the past few months they say my conversation has not backuped that cognition. 

i write this to say I apologize. I understand why they are saying this, and I will make a point to limit my conversation about buying things when speaking with people, these two in particular.  Firstly, I appreciate their willingness to be honest with me, and to feel open and comfortable enough with me to say, "Yo after knowing you for six years... our convo needs to be about more than the shutters you are buying for your house."

Therein lies the rub.  After thinking about the wakeup call both brought to my attention, I asked one of them... what do I brag about buying?  Is it mostly stuff for my house?  Or do I talk a lot about buying all kinds of random things?  He admitted that it was basically all about buying stuff for my house, and that alone made me feel better.  That alone reassured me that I had not become some shallow empty talking head full of materialistic wants.

I am not trying to excuse my poor behavior, but I would like to shed some light on my point of view.  Over the past few months and maybe year or so, I realized I have lost my passion about things.  I used to be passionate about drama, and that has disappeared into nothing.  I used to be passionate about blogging when I had opinions about things, but as my opinions became less ardent as did the blogs.  I used to be passionate about Salesforce.com, but as its newness has worn off... that's left me pretty idle.  Until my house. 

I do not have a husband or even a boyfriend for that matter.  I do not have any children (other than my dog who is also not so new).  The the thing in my life that is still "new" and exciting for me is my house.  Therefore, it is the thing about which I am most passionate.  It is that thing that I am always looking to make better.  I worked hard for it.  I love it.  It is my house and I am working harder and harder every day to make it more like home. In doing so, I buy things.  I get things painted.  I order shutters.  I get cool new gadgets from Williams-Sonoma, albeit some that I just don't need.  I get new fresh flowers (almost weekly) to keep in my bathrooms and kitchen windows.  I buy toilet paper for 4 bathrooms.  I buy bar cabinets and stock them with liquor.  I buy things from Pottery Barn with my employee discount and am really excited about how much money I was able to save on buying nice things from there. I am just excited, and therefore that's the thing I talk about.  I do not mean to come off as boastful, just as someone with a child does not mean to come off as boastful when they tell me about her kid's first tooth, or how the kid loves his new toy. 

I have realized that in the absence of just about anything else that is personal and belongs to me, I talk about my home and the ways I try to make it better the way a new parent talks about his/her kid.  When people have children, their conversations seem to become one tracked almost completely about their kid(s).  The Villa is my child, and I love it, and I don't ever mean to sound boastful, but I worked hard for my house, and it is the thing that I love, and for many of you who know me... it came along at probably the most trying time in my adult life, so it's even that much more special.  The Villa gave me an outlet to put all of my emotional energy to keep me from cracking up due to a tremendous loss. The Villa rescued me, so I talk about it.

However, to be fair, just like I may not want to hear endless conversations about kids' doctor visits, first diarrhea, writing on the walls, pooping on the ground, saying the alphabets for the first time, throwing food at the waiter in a public restaurant, or crying out loud in a movie theater and embarrassing their parents; my friends may not give a crap about listening to me talk about the good deal I got on the bar cabinet, the shutters that I ordered for way cheap from the best shutters guy in Houston, the fresh flowers that I pick up from Rosedale Flowers on my way home from work, the $250 Breville Convection Oven that I got from Williams on my discount, or the Benjamin Moore pain that I bought because I've heard it's the best.

But I do apologize if I have annoyed anyone by my endless ranting about my child The Villa. I don't want to be that (materialistic) girl, and I would think that the things that I give would show that I try to be as much about others (or more) than I am for myself.  

A Mexican Christmas for the Carter Girls

Right now I am sitting on the private patio of my room at an exclusive resort in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico.  I am listening to the waves of the beach as they roll in in consistent seven second increments. When I look up, though it is nearly seven o’clock in the morning I can still see the stars peering through the crack of the tall palm trees overhead.  I wonder if one of those stars is my father, and that is his way of being with us this Christmas Day.

Today is Christmas: the first one without my daddy here.  This is largely the reason (if not solely) the reason for this winter vacation to Mexico.  None of us really wanted to spend our holidays at home without daddy; it’s hard to feel at home anywhere knowing that daddy is gone.

We arrived in PV yesterday on a Continental Express Jet around eleven in the morning.  Customs were a breeze as there were no lines.  I’m concerned it won’t always be that way.  This is my first trip out of the country --at twenty-five (just short of twenty-six) years-old.  Todo aqui es muy contigo.  I have been working on my spanish since I have been here, though most, but not everyone who works at this resort speaks English.

My sister, the elder one, did a great job of picking out this resort.  It’s all-inclusive which means that I really don’t have to pick up my wallet again until I am heading back to the airport and will have to give the valet a tip.

I am looking forward to what today holds.  I am sad though that I am missing all of my friends who came into town (Houston) for the holidays, many of whom will leave before I return.  Back at home, The Villa is being cared for by one of my closest friends in the world, and my baby, Texas is being taken care of by one of my favorite acting students.  Life continues to go on.  Many days I don’t know how, but it does.

Well the sun is starting to rise, and I can now see the formation of the mountains’ silhouette to my left, and the stars-- i can’t see them anymore.

How my last 13 Months have been Blessed

Two nights ago I had a conversation with a friend whom I met as a result of being a very active blogger about three years ago. We hadn't spoken-- as in over the telephone-- in probably somewhere close to a year. Over the course of our conversation he asked if I still blogged, and my answer was no. He asked why, and honestly, I don't have a good reason. If anything, I have more reason to blog now than before. I can say that I am going to keep up with the blog again, but I may not... if you'd like to catch up!

In the last 13 months I have...

1. Written and Directed a full length musical: On April 1st of 2007, I sat down in my bed with my laptop on my lap and began to pen The KidsLife Musical. This hour and a half long musical, featured, 5 original song (one of those was penned by me), the others were written by A. Beard and the ever talented M. Woelfel. The musical opened to a full house of over 1000 people. All five shows on its debut weekend met full houses with attendance totally over 5000 people in one weekend. Because of the response to the show we were asked for an encore performance in a much larger arena (it was once called the Compaq center or the Summit). Our encore show was held as a Halloween alternative and was received by an audience of nearly 9,000 people for one show. So at the age of 24 I was able to look out onto a crowd of 9,000 people who were all there to watch the fruits of the labor of myself, my cast, and production team totally over 45 people. Just to think, I'd always hated musicals.
2. On September 24, 2007 I began my new job as a CRM Analyst at one of the world's largest oil companies. This amazes me because I currently do not have a college degree, and the other contenders for the job were all degreed. What is even more amazing still is that this job boost my previous salary by nearly 300%. I have been blessed to make 3x what I was making at my previous company-- without really being qualified (on paper).
3. I have paid off nearly 90% of all of my debt -- including student loans, credit cards, and a loan from a family member.
4. I have officially purchased my own vehicle, although I am grateful for the sweet 16th Ford Escort that I received (brand new) 8 years. This year I purchased [with my own] money a beautiful 2008 Black Jeep Liberty with the 5ft long SkySlider Sun Roof.
   
5. I am in the process of buying my own house: 3 bedrooms, 3.5 baths, 3 stories. Granite in every bathroom, and 42" espresso stained cabinets.
6. I have adopted a beautiful grey (she was black when I got her) YorkiePoo named Almond. And she has FINALLY learned to go peepee poohpooh outside!
7. I have dated, and stopped dating a great guy who treated me very well. Then I realized he was a liar and a shitty friend, so we aren't really on speaking terms right now.... hey you can't have it all.

Let's see what God has in store for the next 13 months! I am AMAZED and what he did in the last 13... NONE of it was in my own plan or might... especially the job! God is good!

"Keep believing God that your best days are yet to come!" Joel Osteen

If he has better for it... I hope he prepares me because I'm overwhelmed with what I've already been given!

Unwanted

It's been a while... haven't really had anything to say....

As long as I can remember I can never remember feeling unwanted-- not as a friend at least. When you have the physical quirks that I have, you become used to not being the girl who always gets the guy-- the girl who's always wanted in a relationship sense, but until not I'd never felt unwanted as a friend.

I turn 25 years old in four days. I still have numerous friends that I acquired in elementary school, and still more from middle school [as I went to high school with the same group]. In my 25 years I cannot recall loosing someone whom I considered to be a friend. That's a lie. I'd lost one because... that's a key word... because... that means that there was a reason. I lost my best friend of about 11 years because she randomly became a pathological liar.

Because is a term that introduces a reason ... or an excuse... either way I'm okay with certain things as long as there is a because.

I'm having a hard time right now because I lost my second friend of note about 3 months ago, but there was no because. There was no reason. I feel as though we were severed in two without any real rationale. I almost feel very blindsided by the loss. I am having a hard time dealing with it. Honestly, you maybe more apt to understand if I give you a brief overview. This guy and I dated for quite some time, and due to what I thought were schedule conflicts we decided that dating wouldn't be really realistic for us... I was later to learn that he was just no longer interested in me. There was no reason... and I'm sure people often have no reason for loosing interest. But when things seem to be going very well -- mind you I wasn't looking for marriage-- just up and loosing interest is a bit beyond me, but I deal with it because I'm used to being the relationally unwanted girl anyway.

However, when the friendship dissipated as quickly as the relationship did I didn't know how to deal with that. When I realized that I was the only one still making an effort to "always be friends." I decided it wasn't a race I wanted to be in alone. But I don't get it. I am still having a hard time wrapping my brain around loosing this friendship without a because. I don't need a because when it comes to loss of interest, but loss of friendship... I mean who does that... seriously?

It sucks because the friendship before the relationship was really good, and looking back.... I would have avoided the relationship in a heartbeat if it meant I got to keep my friend.

Last night I saw this person for the first time since August. He came over to bring back a DVD that I'd left at his house (I realized this when I was doing my quarterly DVD inventory). I suggested that he mail the DVD because deep down I knew it would probably be best for me not to see him. But he brought it over. He didn't stay long -- which was definitely a good thing, but I watched him play with the dog that I actually bought to replace him -- it was a very awkward sensation. His attempt to shoot the breeze about work and school and my family and stuff.... it was all very nice in theory but in reality it was hard.

It's hard being the only one who cares about a friendship that was lost. It's hard loosing one. It's hard feeling not good enough ... feeling unwanted as even a friend.... So now I'm in my office crying over the things I don't understand.

It's Been Nearly a Year

I can't believe it's been nearly a year since I've last written. So much has happened since last November. I have grown in so many ways. I have become... dare I say it... a girl.

As you have probably guessed, there is a new guy in my life, who at this point is probably not-so-new.

Text Messages Are the Devil!

How many of you have either initiated or confirmed a middle of the night rendez-vous through text messaging? Go ahead. Raise your hand. You know you've done it.

How many of you conservative closet nymphos have said all of the naughty things you've heard in the movies, but dared not say before text messaging gave you that outlet? Go ahead. Raise your hand. You know you've done it.

How many of you rat bastards have totally taken full advantage of someone who totally just wanted to spend time with you by iliciting horizontal dancing via SMS? Raise your effin hand, so I can slap it.

How many of you have ever received that text message that simply said, "B alone 2nite"? And you immediately called all of your homies with whom you were going to go clubbing and told them all you had to cancel because you were sick. Raise it up high. Don't be ashamed.

Fuck yeah you should be ashamed! Text messaging is evil! It gets you in those positions in which you know you should not take part. It gets you in that bathtub/shower with that sender, receiver who couldn't careless about anything other than the humidity factor in the great down under.

All of this to say... Text Messaging is sex. and Sex is bad! We should all practice abstinence. B-cuz once you pop [and get text messaging] uuuuuuuuu can't stop!

*oringally posted 11/1/2005-- worth revisiting...

On Being the Other Woman

On being the other woman...

I have sat up most of tonight crying. Yes I admit it. I have cried. My eyes truely aren't used to that anymore. They are burning like crazy.

Okay here comes the juicy story...
There has been this dude who I admittantly didn't really like at all, who has been persuing my affections for somewhere around a year. For months I explained that I didn't have time for a relationship and that I really was not interested in one. I was largely not interested in him, but I figured saying I was not interested in a relationship was not an untruth either and it was definately nicer. Well this dude, with whom I will admit I may have touched a time or two, came in town for Thanksgiving, and called me late one night and asked me to come meet him. I told him no, because I knew what he wanted, and I was not up for it. He calls me the following morning and asks me to breakfast, and I agree. All throughout breakfast I'm trying to figure out how I will tell him that nothing is ever going to happen between us because I'mjust not at all attracted and the conversation just isn't there. I have been subjected to listening to rediculous stories about him and his ghetto boys from the north side and blah blah blah ... snore!

Much to my surprise I was on myspace.com today and noticed that he had gotten engaged last week to a chick he has been with for three years! Now let's see, this is the SAME dude who was pissed that I was just "talking" to some other dudes-- mind you we were never "together". He gets mad at me while all the while he is proposing to some chick at home!

What's scary is that this has happened with me with the last three maybe four dudes who have sought me out. Mind you, I never seek, and normally i try my damnest to ignore.

1. The dude from NYC who randomly stopped talking to me in February of '05 got married in April of '05, got pregnant on his honeymoon in April but the baby was due in September [hmmm yes that is 5 months]... THEN around January began talking to me again under the auspecies of a friendship, but soon admitting to wanting more with me.
2. The bastard mentioned in the above senerio.
3. The dude I've known for three years or more [probably more] who would secretly fatasize about doing naughty things to me while we'd stay up til 2am discussing anything [but naughty] things, only for him to move far away get a girlfriend and then confess that he'd secretly been intrigued by me and thought of there being something more between us. [hope he doesn't read this but if he does ... who cares]
4. The dude that I used to kick it with, and one day he comes over to visit me and I notice a wedding ring on his finger, after months of us kicking it-- and it wasn't always merely friendly.

HERE'S THE MESSAGE I'D LIKE TO LEAVE...IF I'M NOT APPROACHING YOU THEN LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE.

If you approach me then I am going to assume one of 4 things:

1. You have a girlfriend
2. You have a fiancee
3. You are married
4. You are gay [haven't had one of these yet but ya know... anything can happen].

I would just like for someone... anyone to tell me if I am wearing some kind of indicator that says "OTHER WOMAN MATERIAL". Please I'd like to know. I asked one of my really good guy friends and he said, well Krys you're fun. Maybe they want to be with you because you are fun... I was like then why can't they just be my fucking friend... I don't need all the extra... I never NEVER need the extra.

I feel Stupid

Okay I feel more than stupid. I'd stopped writing mainly because I thought no one was reading anymore, because I wasn't getting any comments. THEN I realized that now I have to approve comments. I didn't know that! You all have been reading, and for that I am very excited.... especially to Exenso ... she's never left my side!

It's Been A While

My dear fans,

It's been over four months since my last post. How absolutely pathetic! I guess I haven't had too much to say recently.

My two favorite Liberals have moved away, so my heated debates have been reduced to a minimal. Mr. Untitled and I have said probably only 200 words to each other in the last four months: so thus ends that story.

I've realized that one relationship [that would never fully exist] ultimately kept me from one that could have actually been really healthy for me: challenging, mutual, and full of heat! "what you want might make you cry; what you need may pass you by. And what you need ironically, will turn out what you want to be if you just let it."

My dear friend Sabba is now engaged to a great gal. My cuzibludin and her fiance move into their brand new house this weekend. I've reconnect with a former flame... err flicker. My parents bought a new house.

Many of my friends would be happy to say that I am not much less of a workaholic. I'd actually written a song titled "Workaholic" because of a school-girl crush that I'd developed on someone I thought of as a friend, but as it turns out he was probably just doing his job.

I haven't developed any new strong opinions, which is probably the reason I have not posted in a while. But I'm back. I promise. At least three posts a week. I miss this. I hope ya'll missed me.

The next post will probably be about babies in church! Church is making me hate kids.... more to come!

Love,
Miss Krys

Honeykissed: Chapter I

A work of fiction, the art of expression is one that I can no longer successfully accomplish. The sojourn that is my life has led me to an existence has led me to a reality that relies on the ability to bluntly express what I think is. A fictional piece requires the author to search his imagination and with flowery diction and descriptive interpretation convey a picture –often on that is mobile. I now only know how to state is. An actor never lies. He simply states someone else’s reality. If the person is a work of fiction, that does not make his reality any more of less real. But you, my dear loyal reader, have not asked for my dissertation on life and the art of telling lies acting. You have asked for a story, and a story, as poorly written as you will think it is conveyed, is what will follow.

This obviously isn't the entire first prolouge and first chapter... it's just the portion I decided to post today.

His honey-kissed chestnut eyes stared at me through the glass. The rhythmic air from his flaring nostrils and gaping mouth fogged the window in a melodic sequence. His palm peeled away slowly as he turned to face forward, in order to avoid letting me see his eyes say goodbye. I knew that the day would one day come when Koren would look at me, and without words, tell me goodbye. The day was always, as I envisioned in my mind, tomorrow. Today tomorrow made its premature arrival. We would not have another chance to play Little Sally Walker or Down by the River. He would never again call me up to the tree house that we begged my father to help us build. We would never again ride the roller coaster in the theme park that we affectionately named chez-deux. That theme park has long since been demolished and as Koren’s train faded into that black hole of a tunnel, I felt as though my world was crumbling around me.

We never had an argument. Not one. He knew all of my secrets; I, his. When he lost his virginity, the only person who knew before me was old what’s her face. When my mother’s covert operation turned fatal, he would not trust anyone else with the delivering the news to me. Ours was the epitome of an intimate relationship. We’d told each other secrets in dark corners, knowing that the other would forever be the keeper of those cognitions. Judgment was nonexistent in our realm. Never judged—no matter what. In a few hours, my secrets will be seemingly light years away, and his will stay here, with the undeniable faith that none will ever be divulged.

Chapter I

Sydnei placed her cordless telephone on the charger that she’d finally made time to plug in. “Ash, I know you aren’t there. I just called to tell you that I made it. It rained full blitzes and hail Mary’s the whole way, so it took me an extra hour, but… oh I know you hate when I leave these long messages on your answering machine, so call me I’ll tell you all about the drive. I miss you already. Love you for life.” The date and time on the phone blinked 01/01/00 12:02. She had called a week in advance to have her telephone, water and lights ready for her arrival. As she put the phone down, she looked across her barren apartment and realized that her four-hour-drive from Austin to Houston was her first step into adulthood. From this point on, she would be her first and primary resource for all issues, financial or emotional; and at the same time she would be the primary recipient of the accolades of her triumphs. She foresaw many triumphs ahead for her.

While Sydnei would have enjoyed nothing more than to begin unpacking the things she felt would make her new place her own—at least her prized collection of compact discs—she knew that extra hour on the road had cut into her schedule. She tossed her cash, lipstick, ID and keys, into her Mary Rambin C.L.I.C.K bag; grabbed her guitar and headed back out into the rain.

Response to "Just Curious"

So I was in craigslist reading the "Rants and Raves" for Houston.... here is an interesting one.

Just Curious says:

All you who post here and rant and complaint on how terrible our city, state, and country are... What good things have you done or contributed to make this a better place? Just keep seeing asses saying the "bad" people should leave the city or the country but haven't seen any of you asses do anything to justify why you get to stay in this city or country. What makes you better than the people who you ask to leave?

My Response to Just Curious:

That's an easy answer, Just Curious. This is what we do that allows us to stay:

1. We pay taxes
2. We do not kill people
3. We do not rob
4. We do not litter
5. We do not make the Galleria look trashy by walking around in wife-beaters, our pants around our ankles, grillz, and we do not play cards or dominoes in the food courts
6. We GO TO WORK
7. We don't consistantly ask the government for handouts
8. We don't demand they take God off the money, out of the pledge, and the ten commandments off of the government buildings
9. We do community service
10. We mow our lawns [or hire lawn guys to do it].
11. We speak English-- or we at least make an effort to learn to
12. We take care of our offspring instead of asking the governement to do it
13. We know and understand the system of checks and balances within our government and thusly know that ONE man who carries the appellation of President cannot be responsible for EVERYTHING that happens in this country
14. We vote

Just Curious's Response:

Another big frog in the little pond. The pond is getting very crowded. Very idiotic thinking. Doesn't really understand what citizenship is here in the country. It's a shame.

1. Most people Houston or not pay taxes too.
2. YOU don't kill people. Some Houston citizens kill people. Most Non-Houston people don't kill people.
3. YOU don't rob people. Some Houston citizens rob people. Most Non-Houston people don't rob people.
4. YOU don't litter people. Some Houston citizen litter. Most Non-Houston people don't litter.
5. We do not make the Galleria look trashy by walking around in wife-beaters, our pants around our ankles, grillz, and we do not play cards or dominoes in the food courts.... Bad news.... this is being done by Houston's finest citizen.
6. You GO TO WORK. Doesn't have work doesn't make you a citizen (or not) of USA/Houston. 5% -7% of US population is jobless, but they are still a US citizen. Most wives chose to be house wives instead of going to work but they are still citizen.
7. Handouts are given to all citizens of US. Handouts were giving to victims of 9/11 and other people in need.
8. US constitution specifically does not allow religion in government. It's called separation of religion and government.
9. You do community service. Some Houston citizen do community service, most don't. Some non-Houston citizen do community service, most don't.
10. You mow our lawns [or hire lawn guys to do it]. Ownership of lawn is a privilege doesn't make you a good citizen.
11. You speak English. Most Houston citizens speak English and more. Most Non-Houston citizens speak English and more too.
12. You take care of our offspring instead of asking the government to do it. Most Houston citizens do the same. Most Non-Houston citizens do the same too.
13. You know and understand the system of checks and balances within our government and thusly know that ONE man who carries the appellation of President cannot be responsible for EVERYTHING that happens in this country. President represents the citizen of the USA. Bush is representing the citizen of the USA very poorly. What's this got to do with you miss treating other US citizens?
14. You Vote. It's a privilege. Most Houston citizens don't vote. Most non-Houston citizens don't vote too.

The Finale from Me to Just Curious:

YOU [I] do not litter people.... how the hell does one litter people?

Let me make things a little clearer for you. The mass exedous from New Orleans has changed our city, my friend, and I am not afraid to say that it has not been a change for the better. I can't tell you how many sistahs I saw walking around the Galleria in God knows what with orange wrist bands on their arms. If you have just evacuated and are using a FEMA card what the hell are you doing in Saks or Neimans or the Louis Vitton store in the first damn place?

Model US citizens think a little differently. We think, "This money is money from taxpayers; I have only the clothes on my back, and I am in a new city and may not be able to go home for a long time. Maybe I should take my $2000 and spend it on staple items and not designer bags [especially since I know that $2000 "ain't no hole lotta money" and it doesn't make me rich].

As far as handouts, in extenuating [sp?] circumstances, yes it's understandable. I am talking about people who are ALWAYS at the Food Stamp office; it is their way of life. It's sickening. I'm working my ass off and going to school fulltime for some lazyass to get my tax money?!?!

WTF. The government is supposed to protect our freedoms and keep us safe. When did the government take on the role as father to its incompetent children who are unwilling to take adavantage of FREE education, and make something of themselves? People who defend the lazy make me sick. I don't patronize people who are CAPABLE but lazy. That is sick. If someone is like that then NO, they should not be in MY city, STATE, or COUNTRY. This is capitalistic America; if you are not willing to go out and get yours with as minimal help as humanly possible then you should pack your shit, and move on over to a communist society where every one gets the same everything and is nurtured by their paternalistic government. Houston, Texas, The United States is not it!

You keep saying MOST... I'm saying the ones who don't should not be here. If you aren't making an effort to be better, do better, have better, then you are a stain on those who are. Period.

YOUR THOUGHTS?

My Personality

You Have A Type A Personality

A You are hyper, energetic, and always on the mood You tend to succeed at everything you attempt And if you don't succeed at first, you quickly climb your way to the top! You could be called a workaholic, but you also make time for fun As long as it's high energy and competitive, you're interested You have the perfect personality for business and atheltic success

Do You Have a Type A Personality?