My Favorite Holiday

Ahh the time has come for a change in the year. I don't know why but New Year's brings such a calm peace to me it's really quite surreal...

New Year's is a chance for me to look back and make realizations about what this past year has brought me:
  • I realized that this year my salary is about $9000 more than it was just two years ago. This year I went from an intern, to an assistant, to an administrator/ facilitator.
  • How surreal is it that looking back, I realize that I saw him only once this year.... just once. And I'm okay with that.
  • I found happiness this year. I found happiness with myself, and my happiness resides in my hands, not the hands of my friends, not of my family, and not of a significant other.
  • I have gone a whole year without seeing or speaking to Justin.
  • My friend Desiree has moved to DC.
  • I discovered Facebook.com
  • 2005 brought me a new godson.
  • I actually active in a church again -- I don't just go anymore.
  • I've been homeless this year -- displaced by the hurricane.
  • I've been a mother this year-- due to the hurricane.

As I think of more to add to the list.. I certainly will come back and add them...

But right now, I am going to go take a bath because I stink. I have spent the last 7 and a half hours painting sets for a 15 minute play.... yes I know I know... what-a-nut!! More like a smelly skunk! Gotta jet!



Tangible Love

taken for granted
until taken away
seperated by distance
land, water, wind, and trees

never appreciated
until love less tangible
pains the heart
spirit, soul, being, and tears

finally understood
when the longing to touch
and to be touched
goes unfulfilled
while the tangible love of the past
scoffs at the pain
sadness, desire, frustration, and regret
of your future

Krystal Danielle Carter


Healing or Hurting

I wrote this one day about five years ago, and submitted it to Poetry.com. Apparently, it appears in one of their compilation books...

Today as I was leaving school
I saw a bird
Sitting on a broom
eyes closed
and wings gently tucked
It had been hit by something
It bleed a lot
When I saw it
it was in a process
of either healing or dying
And when I saw it I thought
"how awesome is this?"
When you get hit you need a time to heal,
when you get hit you need a time to die,
a concept so simple
that even the bird comprehends
so why don't we?


If You Can't Feed'em Don't Effin Breed 'Em -- 17 Kids is just TOO DAMN MANY

An article that I just read "Family Welcomes Baby No. 17", has with just cause placed me high upon my soapbox today. This article was a lifestyles piece on the Largest Family in America. Basically two imigrants, since moving to America seven years ago with their eleven children, still do not speak English [the parents nor the kids]. Since they have been here, they have had six more kids. This, for those of you who aren't too quick with the math, means that they have SEVENTEEN biological kids. Now as disgusted as it makes me to imagine spending over 136 months or 11.33 years of my life pregnant, some women may find it to be a wonderful gift from God. Yes, it is amazing that one woman could carry 17 kids through 17 different pregnancies-- I'd never do it, but I shall not discredit it's wonderous nature. So all of these kids could be a beautiful thing.

Those of you who know me, know exactly what I am about to say next. There are TWO MAJOR problems with this story.
  1. No one in this family speaks English.
  2. The dad is a maintance worker and a security guard [not taking anything away from those professions], and the mother is a domestic engineer [a housewife]. This means...they are recieveing public assistance [the nice way of referring to Welfare] to take care of this larger-than-a-football-team hoard that they have chosen to breed-- this is not an assumtion; the article clearly states that they recieve public assistance.

There is no quicker way to become someone for me to despise than to have either of these traits agianst you, but to have BOTH is beyond blasphemous!

Let me explain something; some of us in America work for a living. Granted we may have good jobs that allow us to live well above the poverty level, but we don't do it so that we can support other families who do not and irresponsibly choose to breed more offspring that they cannot support. Having kids, to some, is a beautiful thing. It is a beautiful thing to carry on your lineage. However, there is a level of responibilty that should come along with having offspring.

Here is a hint: If you are already on welfare, or "public assistance" then you ought not have anymore kids. It really is as simple as that. The very state of being on public assistance, is acknowledging that you cannot finacially support your offspring, and that you need help.

For the life of me I cannot understand why people do not understand that their kids should be their own responsibilty. Now, I understand that sometimes people hit hard times, and need help while they kick the dust off and try to regain stability. That is understandable, but to continue to produce offspring when you know your finacial situation has never afforded you the ability to care for what is yours is just irresponsible. It is irresponsible and unfair to those of us who take care of what is ours.

Yes, while writing this, I understand that "welfare recipients receive less than blah blah blah percent of the tax payers dollars." That is not an argument that means anything to me because it is all negated by the fact that "welfare recipients recieve..." I don't care how much. I don't care if it is a penny of every dollar; I do not work to sustain people who do not think enough of themself to get off their lazy asses and sustain themselves. Again, I am not talking about the people on welfare because they have had a rough spot in their life, but always being in a rough spot for lack of looking and actively trying for better, or due to over reproduction when one already knows financially providing for current offspring is beyond a burden... therein lies my issue.

Aside from the finacial aspects of having a family that is so large, there are other consequences of having a family that large that are just irresponsible. There is no way, that as a parent, you can emotionally give each child the time and nurturing that s/he needs. Yes they have lots of brothers and sisters, but there is nurturing time and a parent child bond that needs to be created for children to be healthy that these kids just really can't have.

The articls states that the older kids substitute for the mom sometimes and take care of the younger kids. Howfair is this that your older kids have to be consistent baby-sitters because the parents don't know when to say enough. I say, once you cannot be a fully funtional parent to each child individually, then it's time to stop having kids. Just stop.


Live Anywhere

So if you could live anywhere where would it be? That's all I've got for you today.... I'm looking for geographic answer...

My answer...
I'd visit all over, but at the end of the day, I'd end up here in good ole Houston, Tx. It's a place where I can raise my kids [that I never plan on having], and teach them good ole' Texas conservative values! --G, I know you'll love that, more people on this earth who think like me!


And his name shall be called Andrew

I can't figure out why for the life of me, when my life is going so well, a dude decides to pop up and try to eff it up. But today is a new day. A day when I will not let anyone "eff up my high."

So I met this dude; his name is Andrew. His name alone was almost enough for me to cancel him out of a potential dating pool [well that and the fact that I do try very hard to keep my dating pool very empty]. Had my sister not been with me in the Nextel store, I would not even known he was "flirting" with me. I've always been so oblivious. Well, he'd given me his card and kept repeating that his mobile number was on there. I just thought "Okay." Apparently that was some hint that he wanted me to call him.

Well I don't call random dudes, especially random dudes named Andrew [and if any of you close to me think about that for a minute or two you totally understand why]. Like I said, I don't call random dudes, but I am not above text messaging anyone. While in the store my sister and I discussed a cocktail party that I was to attend later that night. So I thought why not see if he would like to join me. I won't know anyone there, and granted I did not know him, but at least it would have given me a buffer person with whom I could converse. So I sent a short little text something to the effect of "Cocktail party downtown after work?" His reply informed me that he was glad that I texted him, and that he wasn't sure if I would have, but he was glad that I did.

Well to make sum up a 3-day story.... We hung out on day 2; he damn near tried to molest me, so I left. Day 3 we hung out again, this time at his place, and he cooked me dinner-- yeah isn't that nuts. It was funny watching someone else cook: normally I'm the one to do it for all of my friends. It was truely strange watching a dude who really knew his way around the kitchen [except he used the way wrong knife to chop his onions; I wanted to tell him, but I refrained]. What really sucked is that he didn't tell me that he was making dinner, and I'd already eaten before I got there. I don't eat twice to be nice-- sorry. But it did smell goood. There was no molestation that night. I'd explained to him via telephone that that was not cool, and it was not my style. It was actually quite chill; after we played cards for about an hour, I went to his room and watched Gray's Anatomy [I told him I wouldn't come unless I could watch my show]. He kicked it in the living room or kitchen or something. He didn't bother me and I didn't bother him. The way things should be. -- anyway enough of that.

The next night we were talking on the phone, and he starts to go on and on about how he would never send his kids to private school. Mind you I have not told him that I went to one of the wealthiest private schools in Houston-- and loved it. Then he starts going on and on about how these stupid rich kids come in his store and he and his collegues laugh in their faces while asking them what company their dad owns. All the while I'm thinking, their dads own companies and you work in Nextel, what the hell gives you a reason to laugh in their faces? Then in a twist of fate he starts talking about kids who actually go to the school that I attended and attributed their lack of common sense to their school. In the middle of his conversation, I go so it's nothing short of amazing that I got out of that school with the about of sense that I have. He had to hush because he realized that he had really stuck his foot in his mouth.

Then I go on to say how much I adored my school and how all ALL of my kids will attend the same school. For some reason he made the conversation about money. By this time it was obvious to me that he was an extreme liberal, and I being the moderate conservative that I am was really not about to change my views just to stay in the good graces of a dude who means no more to me than [sorry can't think of a good analogy here]. Then he goes on to say, I'm sorry I just can't believe you think like that. I told myself a long time ago I'd never associate with someone who thinks like that. He kept saying this over and over again like he was trying to pacify me. All the while I'm thinking this is humerous because that means he will only associate with people who think that all the "common sense" they got in their school is better than the knowledge that schools like mine could provide, and he will always be with the people who laught at the rich people who are in essence paying his salary. Question, where does he think the CEO of Nextel/Sprint send his kids to school. An though many may not like it people of power come from schools like mine.

So as he went on and on about how he can't associate with me, saying the same thing 3 different ways. I merely asked him, "Do you think I am retarted? Why are you saying the same thing over and over again." I went on to tell him that he is welcome to think how he thinks, and my life would be close to completely unaffected by us not speaking. I really couldn't care less.

I went to get my nails done yesterday, after I'd gotten my "hair did." My nail place [where I have been going for 3 years] is right next door to his job, and as soon as I pulled up he walked out; I smiled, nodded, and as he began to walk towards me to speak, I walked into the nail salon without so much as looking back. He was nothing to me before, and is nothing to me now. I just wrote about him because I hadn't written in a while, and I don't have enough time right now to tell you all about my trip to the Big 12 Championship game to see Vince Young play in person for the first time in 4 years. I'll do that post when I get back from training my newbies here in Kansas City.

Yes. I am on another business trip. I'll tell you all about it later. Peace!