I have one really huge development coming up, but I won't go into detail about it with blogland at least until February.
I'm buying a horse! Some of my family came in from out of town for the holidays, and one of my uncles owns a ranch and some horses. We all decided to take the Californian side of the family horseback riding: we had to show them how we Texans do it. Ha! I am a Texan, and every time I have ever ridden a horse I'd been petrified! Not yesterday. I started learning to ride it, and I feel in love with it.
Horses are beautiful animals. They are strong. They are fierce. They are soft. All in one package. So I dismounted for the 4th time and told my uncle that's it time to get me one. He's gonna go look for one for me, and hopefully I'll have him for my birthday. Initially, when I told him I wanted a horse he didn't belive me. I think he started believing me when I went to the bank and took out the money that he said it'd cost for my horse and handed it to him. Ima be a horseowner!
As for the big decision, I have a confession to make. I have secretly been keeping my relationship with a certain guy from you all here at blogland. We've actually been together for about seven months. He's everything that should be "better" for me. Today, I had to let him go. I'd never "broken up" with someone before, and of all people, he shouldn't have been the first. Everyone close to me thought he was great. Nothing was moving to quickly. But what everyone else thought was better for me just seemed to bore me half to death. There were no challenges with him. He never made me want to rip my hair out. He never frustrated me. He never caused me to think at all. He was intelligent but not so much so that he intrigued me. Sometimes I'd even think of other dudes while I should have been thinking of him. I can't be bored, and I just have to realized that what everyone else thinks should be good for me, just won't meet my requirements. What everyone else thinks is best simply bores me... so I'll wait. But I can't be bored.
Be proud of me; I even went to visit her in the hospital, and took a few gifts. I mean, once upon a time, our friendship was worth a hundred bucks in baby products.
What was weird, was during that entire hospital visit [which lasted all of maybe 7 minutes], it all seemed quite void. It was void of the magical kinship that I sometimes though would surface, should we ever run into each other again. There was no room for nostalgia. She's forging a new life, one that I do not even feel sad that I'm missing.
I don't say that to sound cruel, but it is what it is. How do you not miss something like the friendship that was had? Maybe it's just another one of those things that I will never understand, but have no problem accepting.
I guess it's just like reading... then finishing a chapter of a book.
No regrets. Just moving forward.
Maybe I smiled a little more. Maybe I actually flirted [didn't even know I knew how to do it.
Maybe it was just that they didn't know me. They didn't know the workaholic, the anal retentive control freak who feels like if I can't control it logically, then I don't want to be involved.
Maybe I was giving off the scent of a woman in heat or something, whatever it was, the boys were bitting. The Russian. The dude in Stamford. The dude in Greenwich [yeah, maybe it's a sister thing]. The dude at the bar in my hotel. The dude in Times Square off 47th street. And the taxi driver.
I don't think I've had that many bites, like real follow-throughs [actually calling to meet up that same night for drinks], in one week in my life. I met up with one of my high school friends; when she opened the door and saw me, the first thing she said was, "You look so good! You look happy."
The first words out of my mouth [without me even thinking] were, "I am!" Looking happy means so much more to me than just looking good. Happiness has to come from within.
I'm happy with life. I'm happy with my job. I'm happy I'll be back in school this semester. I'm happy I made $6K for doing absolutely nothing [and it was legitimate]. I love that happiness [true happiness] is exuding from the inside and showing outside. I love that things that shouldn't matter to me, no longer matter to me. I love that I am truely happy in my independence, and in all aspects that make up my life. I am happy that I do not have a man. I'm happy that I didn't get the one I wanted, because then I'd be unbalanced [and I would have felt bad flirting with the NYC dudes]. I'm happy that God knows what't best and allows things to be forgotten when they should be winks!
My hand... it's raised... can you see it?
Oh the great perks of working in corporate America. Sometimes it's sad to think, teachers, the people who are responsible for our education affording us the opportunity to join the corporate world, do not get to enjoy the simple pleasures that we corporate folk do.
I'm still in NYC, and will be here until Friday or Saturday. I called My Superman (I'm his Moviestar) who now resides in NYC to see if he wanted to meet up and see a show on Broadway while I'm here. The great part is that I get to expense like everything... our pre-play dinner, our Broadway tickets, the amazing maragritas that I have here at the hotel daily [they are the best I've ever tasted, but the bartender told me he learned how to make them while living in Texas], the $18.10 Swiss Cheeseburger, dinner with a friend of mine from Hampton, the taxi rides I started taking because one day of the subway is just about all I am willing to handle, and most importantly my phat hotel suite facing Times Square [including but not limited to my room service, and dry cleaning].
How could anyone pass up the lucrative ops that the corporate world has to offer. Some teachers have to damn near beg and plead for reiembursements for their Office Depot receipts when they buy supplies for their classrooms. That is just rediculous; we really ought to do better by them.
Anyway back to NYC. Yesterday, I met my friend from Hampton at her office about 13 blocks from my hotel. She wanted me to go with her to Queens, and she'd bring me back to the city later that night. I complied, but only because I didn't know what the trip to Queens would entail. First, we had to take what had to be the MOST jam packed subway into Queens [a ride that lasted 943809584 hours], then once in Queens we had to take a city bus for another 903948503 minutes to her block. Now, I'm a Southern city girl. We drive cars. All of that public transportation was a bit too much for me to handle. I can't believe she makes that commute almost daily. Needless to say, she drove me back into the city because we were not doing that commuting thing again. I will just say that I was very impressed with how inexpensive all of that was. We went a total of [I'm assuming here] 17 miles for only $2. The transfer from the subway to the bus was free. That's definately cheaper than gas!
Well, Superman and I will go see "Mama Mia" on Wednesday; I'll let you know how that goes. Hey if it's really good, maybe we'll get some Superstars out of it [winks].
Day one was an arduous one. Let me just say that my credit card was stolen in Houston one business day before I was supposed to leave...can you say nightmare? Have you ever tried traveling with a temporary ATM card?!?! I didn't even know they still made ATM cards w/o a Visa/Mastercard logo. Well here are the down sides...
- You can't swipe one of these wreched cards at any terminal.
- You have to carry cash to buy anything [cash is dirty... I've seen where they put some of those nasty $1 bills]
- You can't put a hold on your temporary atm card for a hotel room because they can't swipe it!
- Lastly, there is a daily cash maximum that can be withdrawn from an ATM machine
It seems to me as though these wierdos are out to get us. Can you imagine going to NYC, getting to your hotel on Broadway which costs an estimated $407 a night and having a daily cash maximum of $309 on your temp. ATM card? Well, it's NOT cool let me tell you.
So I get to the Doubletree Time Square and have no way of placing the hold for about $2047 for the week, because some ratbastard has stolen my credit card and gone on a shopping spree at HEB. I have the funds in my account to cover the week at the hotel, but can't access them. It's about 10 p.m. at night; I have to call our VP of Marketing. The only way I can get the authorization for my room is to send him a credit card authorization form by fax, only he does not have a fax machine at his house. He lives in a small town, so he called around, and found a BEst Western with an available fax line. He drives to the Best Western to fax the authorization form and a copy of his driver's license we receive the copies, so he goes back home.
When the Doubletree Rep starts to check me in she realizes that he didn't fax a copy of the card. Well the reservations person didn't tell me that he needed a copy of his card. So I call the VP back and explain the situation to him, a situation that will end with him having to leave his house again to go back to Best Western to refax his credit card. Then another problem! He has a dark gold card, so when he faxed it in it came though almost pitched black. The numbers were illegible. By this time I was totally fed up. I explained to them that I am paying $2000 to stay at their hotel for a week and they need to accommodate me. Needless to say after about another 5 minutes of becoming civilly irate they finally accepted the dark copy of the card.
Well at least my room is, in a word....niiiicee. I have the most incredible view of Broadway from my window. I look out of my bedroom window to see great Beauty and the Beast, and Lion King displays. There are pretty great resturants right in my area. From my living room window I see this huge Sprint bilboard with a humongoginormous cat on a string. These billboards are like 10 times the size of those in Texas. I'd still never want to live here. I had the hardest time trying to sleep with the blinking HSB billboard flashing in my window, and inceasent sirens blaring though the night, and the honking. Oh lord the honking. It's a nice place to visit, and I love that I am totally "in the mix."
I had such a hard time with faith until I moved out of my parents house. I stopped going to church, and just breathed.
I never really leaned towards atheism, but I did lean toward a diest belief that God made the world and all in it, and left it to run naturally, without any interference. I guess to a certain extent I still believe that, but not I do feel God is more real in my life, because I stopped looking at the God of my parents, but the god with whom I began to forge a relationship personally.
The God I read about for myself in my own Bible. I am not sure if he interacts, but since I began attending Lakewood Church two years ago, I have found more peace in starting my day with God.
Today was a terrible day for me, and this was the first day in a while that I have not started it with my personal devotion time with God. Starting in a positive, God has something better in store for me outlook everyday just makes the day easier. I accept that bad things happen because God in his greatness did give us the power of choice, and unfortunately some people make bad choices which in turn negatively affect others.
And I have taught myself that the bad things through which I have gone in my life, have greatly prepared me to be an effective positive light in someone else's life who may be going through the same things.
Sorry my comment was so long, but I had to share it, because I totally felt your frustration, and I lived with it for many years and I still resort to it on occassion.
In some respects it's freed me, but in those same respects, I have always been blunt.
In others, the hard one, it's gotten me no where but in a deep pool of having said too much, and having been too honest, and still ending up empty-handed.