12.28.2009

And there shall be a great cry unlike one that's ever been heard before...

And there shall be a great cry unlike one that's ever been heard before...

And it shall be the cry of Black American boy babies...

Yes, I am calling for a cry similar to Pharoah's of the Egyptian babies... only in the reverse.

Earlier today, a friend of mine sent me an article from ABC News entitled "Why are There So Many Single Black Females?" and after reading it I realized that I am truly not alone, and the question that my sister's boyfriend asked of me months ago holds true for so many: if the statistics in this article are correct, then at  least one in twelve. You are you have money, you can cook, you are fun, and you actually like sports; why don't you have a man?

This article uses the same old black women outnumber men, and the men that are available (meaning the ones that are not in jail or undereducated -- as in no high school diploma-- or unemployed) are either dating and marrying white women or are playing the field because why should he settle down with one woman when he has four quality women to rotate between?

I am not getting into the details of those issues of do black women have to settle for someone beneath them to stay in the same race.  I am only going to say that the fact (so this article says) is that black women outnumber black men by 1.8 million.

After reading this article, I thought about it and was reassured in knowing that I was not alone.  Now, personally, I am not dead set on marrying a black man.  If I marry I am going to marry a man who loves me unconditionally; if he's black great, and if he isn't that's fine with me too.  But like I was saying after reading this article I realized that I had come up with a solution to this epidemic.

These women should become single parents.

This article describes a mentality among successful black women that is accepting of the reality that they may never ever be able to append the title Mrs. in front of a name which is followed by M.D., or J.D., etc. But the problem is that this mentality also has the majority of these women accepting that they will also never have children.

My solution is not impossible, but it unfortunately will come too late to help the women of my generation who are like me, but we can setup future generations to not have the same outcome. I think we should all have babies---and pray that we birth boys.

For years there has been this stigma that has come along with being a single or unwed mother.  But we are now in the age of interractial, same-sex, and open marriage... all which at some point or another carried the same stigma, but over time have come to (in most cases) make sense.  Becoming a single mother at 32 years of age, is really not so bad when you look at the long term ramifications.

I believe that if women who are financially stable, and successful in other capacities as  well have kids we can curve this problem for the next generation; however if we continue to let only the married couples have and raise little brown children, this problem will be on-going.  The average family has two children, and if only 68 percent of African American women are marrying, then the 2 children from each of those families is not going to curve the present problem.

Ladies, we need to breed little black boys, and raise them to be black men.   We have the capability to be single mothers, who don't have to struggle like younger, and less financially stable women do.  We have the capability to raise these young men bred to keep the race alive to do just that. Be men who will settle down (personally I don't care if black men chose to date/marry white women) and marry and have children and not have four quality women on rotation.   We have the capability to raise these little boys in loving, and "struggle-free" environments, leading them to be more progressive in their adulthood and less likely to be another black man in jail or under educated. As women who have been educated, the likelihood of raising kids who will not value education is slim.  Therefore we'd slowly but surely be able to change the "more black men in jail than college" statistic that haunts us.

I spoke to my sister about this and she did ask some good questions regarding to how this would work.  If it were me this is something like how it would go.

Conception:
Because I am pretty adamant about my children all having the same father (whether I am married or not), and because there are certain pastimes in which I like to take part, I would probably not go the route of a sperm bank.   More than likely, I would find someone who I trust (and who I think would produce attractive offspring) and be completely honest with him. I would let him know of my desire to have a child(ren) and that I want him to be my "donor". I would explain that this is really like a business transaction and would have a copy of the sample parental waiver form for him to read and agree to before we decide to commence trying to conceive MY child. I would also include in my discussion that should I conceive, and if at any point post conception he decides to get married, he would oblige me and make a donation to an agreed upon sperm bank, and that donation would be held in reserve for me for later use in case I want more kids.   It would also be important that this guy understands that he's just the sperm donor, and not the father of my child.

Raising:
I'd raise my son to be a MAN. Respectful of women but, he'd be out in the dirt doing manish things.

  1. He'd play little league football (obviously because I selfishly really want to be a football mother).  
  2. He would not accompany me on trips to the beautyshop/ nailshop/ or hangout with my female friends and myself as we gossip about whatever it is women gossip about. 
  3. I would surround him with a network of wonderful "uncles" who can show him the aspects of "mandom" that I cannot teach him.
  4. I will raise him to know that he's special because he is not a kid who had a father who left him, but he is a kid who has a mother who wanted him, and wanted him for a great purpose. 
What about marriage?:
I am not saying that I am going to go out and find someone to mate with in order to conceive tomorrow, but I am saying that if I get to be about 33 and it looks more and more like I am not going to get married, then I will, and if after I have my son and daughter or two a man miraculously comes up and wants to marry then fine, but it'd be a long hard discussion what I would expect of him as a father, because the raising of my children at that point will have been very intentional, and I couldn't have someone undoing what had been done. It'd also be a long discussion regarding any future children because, like I said, I want my kids to all have the same father like my two sisters and I did.  If he has an issue with that, then he should have come around while I was 29 and not 39.

Like I said, this solution would take a generation or two to correct the current problem, but it can be done. There shall be a great cry unlike one that's ever been heard before, and it will be the cry in the maternity wards of hospitals across the country of the newborn Black American boy babies being born to single women who are able to love, care, and support these young  boys and guide them into their role as black men.   You thoughts?

12.20.2009

Deposting last few Entries

I was being a girl.
Doesn't really suit me that well. 
Even though I was a thinking calculating girl. 
I need to get my "non-girlie" testosterone levels back up.
Screw cleaning! I'm watch the game instead!

On Another Note: I am a Dude

This list will grow I'm sure but for starters...

1. I buy apologies because I don't know how to apologize any other way:

  • I bitched out these people at 24 hour fitness... realized I was wrong and bought them gifts as an apology.  I felt like Ike Turner buying Tina the gift after he beat the crap out of her.
  • I was washing a this dude's hair once after his weekly haircut (don't ask there is no story here) and I accidently turned the cold water off before the hot... eventually scolding his head.  I felt terrible but since I didn't know what else to do I left immediately and bought him a video game (I was already planning on getting it but I expedited the purchase in attempts to make it my apology).  I hear a female would have stayed and "nursed" it but well... I haven't been to nursing school.

2. If I have to pick between DSW and Best Buy... I chose the latter (and I have the gamers package on my silver status reward zone membership to prove it).

more to come... gotta clean up

My Reassurance and Disturbance

Today and over the past few days and weeks I have found reassurance in one thing.... I am not alone. 


I have spent the past few weeks observing, and obviously consumed with my own situation, I didn't give enough thought to what I was seeing in others. What I have discovered though is one truth: one person cannot love enough for the two. It. Will. Never. Work. 


Those of you who have read my blog know there is this guy.  He has been here. He has gone. He has returned, and my heart transitioned every time he made a move, but inevitably every time the bottle of sand and water was shaken, the sand always settled back to love. But THANKFULLY today is not about me. It's not about him. It's most definitely not about us.  It's about every one else.


I can think of many couples upon immediate recollection where one person is doing the loving. One person is doing the catering. One person is doing the work, and I believe that is because at some point along the way (as I had) that one person decided that s/he could love enough for the two of them.


There are many senerios, but in order to not protect the privacy of those who have entrusted their stories to me, I won't go into detail. I will only say that I am reassured to learn that guys deal with this just as hard as we gals do. 


I have this one dear friend, and he loves. He loves hard, and harder than the one the loves.  I used to believe, "well that I how it's supposed to be. The guy is supposed to love first. The guy is supposed to love harder."  But after watching my friend love, and love, and not get nearly half of what he's reciprocated back, quite frankly it pisses me off. And maybe he should love hard.  Maybe he should love first, but that word in itself indicates there is or should be a second, and that second should be the one he loves meeting him more than halfway. 


The title of this blog says reassurance and disturbance.  I am DISTURBed because I wonder WHO THE HELL CAME UP WITH THIS METHOD?!?!  I have always-- for obvious reasons- had issues with love unrequited.  But it really leaves you to wonder what SICKO could come up with such a thing. Love, unconditional love, true love, is hard enough as it is. Why would someone allow love to be one-sided.  Does the keeper and bestower of emotion really not have a clue to how absolutely painful to continuously pour your love and wait with the smallest ounce of hope that it will at some point be poured back. 


I still believe the guy should love first.  He should love hard, but that is because his charge is great. He is to be the provider, the protector, the head of his home. Just like presidency that title is great but with such a great title comes great responsibility.  Therefore, I too believe that the the responsibility of the recipient of that love is great. One cannot successfully provide, protect, and lead without support. So should a woman -- the recipient of this great love-- cater to her protector, provider?  Yes.   Please understand i am not using protector-- provider in the "normal sense." I am not saying women should be barefoot pregnant home/baby makers... I am all about women independence.  But in the context of relationship, she should support her man -- ideally this is the same person who should without hesitation give his life for hers.   


This doesn't nearly come close to all that I have to say on this subject. But I had to get that part out -- but now I have to get back to cleaning my house (it's a seven hour process-- but it looks like help has arrived!).


The last thing I will say, is that things would be tons easier if we just used Cupid and his arrows, or went back to the bethrotal process.... I know my life would be easier, and my heart would have a lot less superglue residue from the rebonding of pieces that have been shattered repeatedly over the past decade.