12.25.2008

A Mexican Christmas for the Carter Girls

Right now I am sitting on the private patio of my room at an exclusive resort in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico.  I am listening to the waves of the beach as they roll in in consistent seven second increments. When I look up, though it is nearly seven o’clock in the morning I can still see the stars peering through the crack of the tall palm trees overhead.  I wonder if one of those stars is my father, and that is his way of being with us this Christmas Day.


Today is Christmas: the first one without my daddy here.  This is largely the reason (if not solely) the reason for this winter vacation to Mexico.  None of us really wanted to spend our holidays at home without daddy; it’s hard to feel at home anywhere knowing that daddy is gone.


We arrived in PV yesterday on a Continental Express Jet around eleven in the morning.  Customs were a breeze as there were no lines.  I’m concerned it won’t always be that way.  This is my first trip out of the country --at twenty-five (just short of twenty-six) years-old.  Todo aqui es muy contigo.  I have been working on my spanish since I have been here, though most, but not everyone who works at this resort speaks English.


My sister, the elder one, did a great job of picking out this resort.  It’s all-inclusive which means that I really don’t have to pick up my wallet again until I am heading back to the airport and will have to give the valet a tip.


I am looking forward to what today holds.  I am sad though that I am missing all of my friends who came into town (Houston) for the holidays, many of whom will leave before I return.  Back at home, The Villa is being cared for by one of my closest friends in the world, and my baby, Texas is being taken care of by one of my favorite acting students.  Life continues to go on.  Many days I don’t know how, but it does.


Well the sun is starting to rise, and I can now see the formation of the mountains’ silhouette to my left, and the stars-- i can’t see them anymore.


5.08.2008

How my last 13 Months have been Blessed

Two nights ago I had a conversation with a friend whom I met as a result of being a very active blogger about three years ago. We hadn't spoken-- as in over the telephone-- in probably somewhere close to a year. Over the course of our conversation he asked if I still blogged, and my answer was no. He asked why, and honestly, I don't have a good reason. If anything, I have more reason to blog now than before. I can say that I am going to keep up with the blog again, but I may not... if you'd like to catch up!

In the last 13 months I have...

  1. Written and Directed a full length musical: On April 1st of 2007, I sat down in my bed with my laptop on my lap and began to pen The KidsLife Musical. This hour and a half long musical, featured, 5 original song (one of those was penned by me), the others were written by A. Beard and the ever talented M. Woelfel. The musical opened to a full house of over 1000 people. All five shows on its debut weekend met full houses with attendance totally over 5000 people in one weekend. Because of the response to the show we were asked for an encore performance in a much larger arena (it was once called the Compaq center or the Summit). Our encore show was held as a Halloween alternative and was received by an audience of nearly 9,000 people for one show. So at the age of 24 I was able to look out onto a crowd of 9,000 people who were all there to watch the fruits of the labor of myself, my cast, and production team totally over 45 people. Just to think, I'd always hated musicals.
  2. On September 24, 2007 I began my new job as a CRM Analyst at one of the world's largest oil companies. This amazes me because I currently do not have a college degree, and the other contenders for the job were all degreed. What is even more amazing still is that this job boost my previous salary by nearly 300%. I have been blessed to make 3x what I was making at my previous company-- without really being qualified (on paper).
  3. I have paid off nearly 90% of all of my debt -- including student loans, credit cards, and a loan from a family member.
  4. I have officially purchased my own vehicle, although I am grateful for the sweet 16th Ford Escort that I received (brand new) 8 years. This year I purchased [with my own] money a beautiful 2008 Black Jeep Liberty with the 5ft long SkySlider Sun Roof.
  5. I am in the process of buying my own house: 3 bedrooms, 3.5 baths, 3 stories. Granite in every bathroom, and 42" espresso stained cabinets.
  6. I have adopted a beautiful grey (she was black when I got her) YorkiePoo named Almond. And she has FINALLY learned to go peepee poohpooh outside!
  7. I have dated, and stopped dating a great guy who treated me very well. Then I realized he was a liar and a shitty friend, so we aren't really on speaking terms right now.... hey you can't have it all.
Let's see what God has in store for the next 13 months! I am AMAZED and what he did in the last 13... NONE of it was in my own plan or might... especially the job! God is good!

"Keep believing God that your best days are yet to come!" Joel Osteen

If he has better for it... I hope he prepares me because I'm overwhelmed with what I've already been given!

1.03.2008

Unwanted

It's been a while... haven't really had anything to say....

As long as I can remember I can never remember feeling unwanted-- not as a friend at least. When you have the physical quirks that I have, you become used to not being the girl who always gets the guy-- the girl who's always wanted in a relationship sense, but until not I'd never felt unwanted as a friend.

I turn 25 years old in four days. I still have numerous friends that I acquired in elementary school, and still more from middle school [as I went to high school with the same group]. In my 25 years I cannot recall loosing someone whom I considered to be a friend. That's a lie. I'd lost one because... that's a key word... because... that means that there was a reason. I lost my best friend of about 11 years because she randomly became a pathological liar.

Because is a term that introduces a reason ... or an excuse... either way I'm okay with certain things as long as there is a because.

I'm having a hard time right now because I lost my second friend of note about 3 months ago, but there was no because. There was no reason. I feel as though we were severed in two without any real rationale. I almost feel very blindsided by the loss. I am having a hard time dealing with it. Honestly, you maybe more apt to understand if I give you a brief overview. This guy and I dated for quite some time, and due to what I thought were schedule conflicts we decided that dating wouldn't be really realistic for us... I was later to learn that he was just no longer interested in me. There was no reason... and I'm sure people often have no reason for loosing interest. But when things seem to be going very well -- mind you I wasn't looking for marriage-- just up and loosing interest is a bit beyond me, but I deal with it because I'm used to being the relationally unwanted girl anyway.

However, when the friendship dissipated as quickly as the relationship did I didn't know how to deal with that. When I realized that I was the only one still making an effort to "always be friends." I decided it wasn't a race I wanted to be in alone. But I don't get it. I am still having a hard time wrapping my brain around loosing this friendship without a because. I don't need a because when it comes to loss of interest, but loss of friendship... I mean who does that... seriously?

It sucks because the friendship before the relationship was really good, and looking back.... I would have avoided the relationship in a heartbeat if it meant I got to keep my friend.

Last night I saw this person for the first time since August. He came over to bring back a DVD that I'd left at his house (I realized this when I was doing my quarterly DVD inventory). I suggested that he mail the DVD because deep down I knew it would probably be best for me not to see him. But he brought it over. He didn't stay long -- which was definitely a good thing, but I watched him play with the dog that I actually bought to replace him -- it was a very awkward sensation. His attempt to shoot the breeze about work and school and my family and stuff.... it was all very nice in theory but in reality it was hard.

It's hard being the only one who cares about a friendship that was lost. It's hard loosing one. It's hard feeling not good enough ... feeling unwanted as even a friend.... So now I'm in my office crying over the things I don't understand.