My Favorite Holiday

Ahh the time has come for a change in the year. I don't know why but New Year's brings such a calm peace to me it's really quite surreal...

New Year's is a chance for me to look back and make realizations about what this past year has brought me:
  • I realized that this year my salary is about $9000 more than it was just two years ago. This year I went from an intern, to an assistant, to an administrator/ facilitator.
  • How surreal is it that looking back, I realize that I saw him only once this year.... just once. And I'm okay with that.
  • I found happiness this year. I found happiness with myself, and my happiness resides in my hands, not the hands of my friends, not of my family, and not of a significant other.
  • I have gone a whole year without seeing or speaking to Justin.
  • My friend Desiree has moved to DC.
  • I discovered Facebook.com
  • 2005 brought me a new godson.
  • I actually active in a church again -- I don't just go anymore.
  • I've been homeless this year -- displaced by the hurricane.
  • I've been a mother this year-- due to the hurricane.

As I think of more to add to the list.. I certainly will come back and add them...

But right now, I am going to go take a bath because I stink. I have spent the last 7 and a half hours painting sets for a 15 minute play.... yes I know I know... what-a-nut!! More like a smelly skunk! Gotta jet!



Tangible Love

taken for granted
until taken away
seperated by distance
land, water, wind, and trees

never appreciated
until love less tangible
pains the heart
spirit, soul, being, and tears

finally understood
when the longing to touch
and to be touched
goes unfulfilled
while the tangible love of the past
scoffs at the pain
sadness, desire, frustration, and regret
of your future

Krystal Danielle Carter


Healing or Hurting

I wrote this one day about five years ago, and submitted it to Poetry.com. Apparently, it appears in one of their compilation books...

Today as I was leaving school
I saw a bird
Sitting on a broom
eyes closed
and wings gently tucked
It had been hit by something
It bleed a lot
When I saw it
it was in a process
of either healing or dying
And when I saw it I thought
"how awesome is this?"
When you get hit you need a time to heal,
when you get hit you need a time to die,
a concept so simple
that even the bird comprehends
so why don't we?


If You Can't Feed'em Don't Effin Breed 'Em -- 17 Kids is just TOO DAMN MANY

An article that I just read "Family Welcomes Baby No. 17", has with just cause placed me high upon my soapbox today. This article was a lifestyles piece on the Largest Family in America. Basically two imigrants, since moving to America seven years ago with their eleven children, still do not speak English [the parents nor the kids]. Since they have been here, they have had six more kids. This, for those of you who aren't too quick with the math, means that they have SEVENTEEN biological kids. Now as disgusted as it makes me to imagine spending over 136 months or 11.33 years of my life pregnant, some women may find it to be a wonderful gift from God. Yes, it is amazing that one woman could carry 17 kids through 17 different pregnancies-- I'd never do it, but I shall not discredit it's wonderous nature. So all of these kids could be a beautiful thing.

Those of you who know me, know exactly what I am about to say next. There are TWO MAJOR problems with this story.
  1. No one in this family speaks English.
  2. The dad is a maintance worker and a security guard [not taking anything away from those professions], and the mother is a domestic engineer [a housewife]. This means...they are recieveing public assistance [the nice way of referring to Welfare] to take care of this larger-than-a-football-team hoard that they have chosen to breed-- this is not an assumtion; the article clearly states that they recieve public assistance.

There is no quicker way to become someone for me to despise than to have either of these traits agianst you, but to have BOTH is beyond blasphemous!

Let me explain something; some of us in America work for a living. Granted we may have good jobs that allow us to live well above the poverty level, but we don't do it so that we can support other families who do not and irresponsibly choose to breed more offspring that they cannot support. Having kids, to some, is a beautiful thing. It is a beautiful thing to carry on your lineage. However, there is a level of responibilty that should come along with having offspring.

Here is a hint: If you are already on welfare, or "public assistance" then you ought not have anymore kids. It really is as simple as that. The very state of being on public assistance, is acknowledging that you cannot finacially support your offspring, and that you need help.

For the life of me I cannot understand why people do not understand that their kids should be their own responsibilty. Now, I understand that sometimes people hit hard times, and need help while they kick the dust off and try to regain stability. That is understandable, but to continue to produce offspring when you know your finacial situation has never afforded you the ability to care for what is yours is just irresponsible. It is irresponsible and unfair to those of us who take care of what is ours.

Yes, while writing this, I understand that "welfare recipients receive less than blah blah blah percent of the tax payers dollars." That is not an argument that means anything to me because it is all negated by the fact that "welfare recipients recieve..." I don't care how much. I don't care if it is a penny of every dollar; I do not work to sustain people who do not think enough of themself to get off their lazy asses and sustain themselves. Again, I am not talking about the people on welfare because they have had a rough spot in their life, but always being in a rough spot for lack of looking and actively trying for better, or due to over reproduction when one already knows financially providing for current offspring is beyond a burden... therein lies my issue.

Aside from the finacial aspects of having a family that is so large, there are other consequences of having a family that large that are just irresponsible. There is no way, that as a parent, you can emotionally give each child the time and nurturing that s/he needs. Yes they have lots of brothers and sisters, but there is nurturing time and a parent child bond that needs to be created for children to be healthy that these kids just really can't have.

The articls states that the older kids substitute for the mom sometimes and take care of the younger kids. Howfair is this that your older kids have to be consistent baby-sitters because the parents don't know when to say enough. I say, once you cannot be a fully funtional parent to each child individually, then it's time to stop having kids. Just stop.


Live Anywhere

So if you could live anywhere where would it be? That's all I've got for you today.... I'm looking for geographic answer...

My answer...
I'd visit all over, but at the end of the day, I'd end up here in good ole Houston, Tx. It's a place where I can raise my kids [that I never plan on having], and teach them good ole' Texas conservative values! --G, I know you'll love that, more people on this earth who think like me!


And his name shall be called Andrew

I can't figure out why for the life of me, when my life is going so well, a dude decides to pop up and try to eff it up. But today is a new day. A day when I will not let anyone "eff up my high."

So I met this dude; his name is Andrew. His name alone was almost enough for me to cancel him out of a potential dating pool [well that and the fact that I do try very hard to keep my dating pool very empty]. Had my sister not been with me in the Nextel store, I would not even known he was "flirting" with me. I've always been so oblivious. Well, he'd given me his card and kept repeating that his mobile number was on there. I just thought "Okay." Apparently that was some hint that he wanted me to call him.

Well I don't call random dudes, especially random dudes named Andrew [and if any of you close to me think about that for a minute or two you totally understand why]. Like I said, I don't call random dudes, but I am not above text messaging anyone. While in the store my sister and I discussed a cocktail party that I was to attend later that night. So I thought why not see if he would like to join me. I won't know anyone there, and granted I did not know him, but at least it would have given me a buffer person with whom I could converse. So I sent a short little text something to the effect of "Cocktail party downtown after work?" His reply informed me that he was glad that I texted him, and that he wasn't sure if I would have, but he was glad that I did.

Well to make sum up a 3-day story.... We hung out on day 2; he damn near tried to molest me, so I left. Day 3 we hung out again, this time at his place, and he cooked me dinner-- yeah isn't that nuts. It was funny watching someone else cook: normally I'm the one to do it for all of my friends. It was truely strange watching a dude who really knew his way around the kitchen [except he used the way wrong knife to chop his onions; I wanted to tell him, but I refrained]. What really sucked is that he didn't tell me that he was making dinner, and I'd already eaten before I got there. I don't eat twice to be nice-- sorry. But it did smell goood. There was no molestation that night. I'd explained to him via telephone that that was not cool, and it was not my style. It was actually quite chill; after we played cards for about an hour, I went to his room and watched Gray's Anatomy [I told him I wouldn't come unless I could watch my show]. He kicked it in the living room or kitchen or something. He didn't bother me and I didn't bother him. The way things should be. -- anyway enough of that.

The next night we were talking on the phone, and he starts to go on and on about how he would never send his kids to private school. Mind you I have not told him that I went to one of the wealthiest private schools in Houston-- and loved it. Then he starts going on and on about how these stupid rich kids come in his store and he and his collegues laugh in their faces while asking them what company their dad owns. All the while I'm thinking, their dads own companies and you work in Nextel, what the hell gives you a reason to laugh in their faces? Then in a twist of fate he starts talking about kids who actually go to the school that I attended and attributed their lack of common sense to their school. In the middle of his conversation, I go so it's nothing short of amazing that I got out of that school with the about of sense that I have. He had to hush because he realized that he had really stuck his foot in his mouth.

Then I go on to say how much I adored my school and how all ALL of my kids will attend the same school. For some reason he made the conversation about money. By this time it was obvious to me that he was an extreme liberal, and I being the moderate conservative that I am was really not about to change my views just to stay in the good graces of a dude who means no more to me than [sorry can't think of a good analogy here]. Then he goes on to say, I'm sorry I just can't believe you think like that. I told myself a long time ago I'd never associate with someone who thinks like that. He kept saying this over and over again like he was trying to pacify me. All the while I'm thinking this is humerous because that means he will only associate with people who think that all the "common sense" they got in their school is better than the knowledge that schools like mine could provide, and he will always be with the people who laught at the rich people who are in essence paying his salary. Question, where does he think the CEO of Nextel/Sprint send his kids to school. An though many may not like it people of power come from schools like mine.

So as he went on and on about how he can't associate with me, saying the same thing 3 different ways. I merely asked him, "Do you think I am retarted? Why are you saying the same thing over and over again." I went on to tell him that he is welcome to think how he thinks, and my life would be close to completely unaffected by us not speaking. I really couldn't care less.

I went to get my nails done yesterday, after I'd gotten my "hair did." My nail place [where I have been going for 3 years] is right next door to his job, and as soon as I pulled up he walked out; I smiled, nodded, and as he began to walk towards me to speak, I walked into the nail salon without so much as looking back. He was nothing to me before, and is nothing to me now. I just wrote about him because I hadn't written in a while, and I don't have enough time right now to tell you all about my trip to the Big 12 Championship game to see Vince Young play in person for the first time in 4 years. I'll do that post when I get back from training my newbies here in Kansas City.

Yes. I am on another business trip. I'll tell you all about it later. Peace!


Big Development... Big Decisions

Yes. I have been MIA for a little bit, but with good cause.

I have one really huge development coming up, but I won't go into detail about it with blogland at least until February.

I'm buying a horse! Some of my family came in from out of town for the holidays, and one of my uncles owns a ranch and some horses. We all decided to take the Californian side of the family horseback riding: we had to show them how we Texans do it. Ha! I am a Texan, and every time I have ever ridden a horse I'd been petrified! Not yesterday. I started learning to ride it, and I feel in love with it.

Horses are beautiful animals. They are strong. They are fierce. They are soft. All in one package. So I dismounted for the 4th time and told my uncle that's it time to get me one. He's gonna go look for one for me, and hopefully I'll have him for my birthday. Initially, when I told him I wanted a horse he didn't belive me. I think he started believing me when I went to the bank and took out the money that he said it'd cost for my horse and handed it to him. Ima be a horseowner!

As for the big decision, I have a confession to make. I have secretly been keeping my relationship with a certain guy from you all here at blogland. We've actually been together for about seven months. He's everything that should be "better" for me. Today, I had to let him go. I'd never "broken up" with someone before, and of all people, he shouldn't have been the first. Everyone close to me thought he was great. Nothing was moving to quickly. But what everyone else thought was better for me just seemed to bore me half to death. There were no challenges with him. He never made me want to rip my hair out. He never frustrated me. He never caused me to think at all. He was intelligent but not so much so that he intrigued me. Sometimes I'd even think of other dudes while I should have been thinking of him. I can't be bored, and I just have to realized that what everyone else thinks should be good for me, just won't meet my requirements. What everyone else thinks is best simply bores me... so I'll wait. But I can't be bored.


Forgot to Mention

My ex-bestfriend had her baby [for real this time]!

Be proud of me; I even went to visit her in the hospital, and took a few gifts. I mean, once upon a time, our friendship was worth a hundred bucks in baby products.

What was weird, was during that entire hospital visit [which lasted all of maybe 7 minutes], it all seemed quite void. It was void of the magical kinship that I sometimes though would surface, should we ever run into each other again. There was no room for nostalgia. She's forging a new life, one that I do not even feel sad that I'm missing.

I don't say that to sound cruel, but it is what it is. How do you not miss something like the friendship that was had? Maybe it's just another one of those things that I will never understand, but have no problem accepting.

I guess it's just like reading... then finishing a chapter of a book.

No regrets. Just moving forward.

If I Were Looking for A Man

I'd move to New York.

Maybe I smiled a little more. Maybe I actually flirted [didn't even know I knew how to do it.

Maybe it was just that they didn't know me. They didn't know the workaholic, the anal retentive control freak who feels like if I can't control it logically, then I don't want to be involved.

Maybe I was giving off the scent of a woman in heat or something, whatever it was, the boys were bitting. The Russian. The dude in Stamford. The dude in Greenwich [yeah, maybe it's a sister thing]. The dude at the bar in my hotel. The dude in Times Square off 47th street. And the taxi driver.

I don't think I've had that many bites, like real follow-throughs [actually calling to meet up that same night for drinks], in one week in my life. I met up with one of my high school friends; when she opened the door and saw me, the first thing she said was, "You look so good! You look happy."

The first words out of my mouth [without me even thinking] were, "I am!" Looking happy means so much more to me than just looking good. Happiness has to come from within.

I'm happy with life. I'm happy with my job. I'm happy I'll be back in school this semester. I'm happy I made $6K for doing absolutely nothing [and it was legitimate]. I love that happiness [true happiness] is exuding from the inside and showing outside. I love that things that shouldn't matter to me, no longer matter to me. I love that I am truely happy in my independence, and in all aspects that make up my life. I am happy that I do not have a man. I'm happy that I didn't get the one I wanted, because then I'd be unbalanced [and I would have felt bad flirting with the NYC dudes]. I'm happy that God knows what't best and allows things to be forgotten when they should be winks!


What Goes on in New York

Stays in New York.

That's all I'm saying.


Raise Your Hand If You Have A Company Expense Account

Can you see it?

My hand... it's raised... can you see it?

Oh the great perks of working in corporate America. Sometimes it's sad to think, teachers, the people who are responsible for our education affording us the opportunity to join the corporate world, do not get to enjoy the simple pleasures that we corporate folk do.

I'm still in NYC, and will be here until Friday or Saturday. I called My Superman (I'm his Moviestar) who now resides in NYC to see if he wanted to meet up and see a show on Broadway while I'm here. The great part is that I get to expense like everything... our pre-play dinner, our Broadway tickets, the amazing maragritas that I have here at the hotel daily [they are the best I've ever tasted, but the bartender told me he learned how to make them while living in Texas], the $18.10 Swiss Cheeseburger, dinner with a friend of mine from Hampton, the taxi rides I started taking because one day of the subway is just about all I am willing to handle, and most importantly my phat hotel suite facing Times Square [including but not limited to my room service, and dry cleaning].

How could anyone pass up the lucrative ops that the corporate world has to offer. Some teachers have to damn near beg and plead for reiembursements for their Office Depot receipts when they buy supplies for their classrooms. That is just rediculous; we really ought to do better by them.

Anyway back to NYC. Yesterday, I met my friend from Hampton at her office about 13 blocks from my hotel. She wanted me to go with her to Queens, and she'd bring me back to the city later that night. I complied, but only because I didn't know what the trip to Queens would entail. First, we had to take what had to be the MOST jam packed subway into Queens [a ride that lasted 943809584 hours], then once in Queens we had to take a city bus for another 903948503 minutes to her block. Now, I'm a Southern city girl. We drive cars. All of that public transportation was a bit too much for me to handle. I can't believe she makes that commute almost daily. Needless to say, she drove me back into the city because we were not doing that commuting thing again. I will just say that I was very impressed with how inexpensive all of that was. We went a total of [I'm assuming here] 17 miles for only $2. The transfer from the subway to the bus was free. That's definately cheaper than gas!

Well, Superman and I will go see "Mama Mia" on Wednesday; I'll let you know how that goes. Hey if it's really good, maybe we'll get some Superstars out of it [winks].

On Broadway

So I am out of town on business. I arrived in New York on Sunday night for an Administrator's workshop for our new CRM Program. As I am now responsible for this new [awesome] program, training, setting best practices companywide, and solving user issues, my superior thought it would be best for me to spend my 5-day week here in the Big City.

Day one was an arduous one. Let me just say that my credit card was stolen in Houston one business day before I was supposed to leave...can you say nightmare? Have you ever tried traveling with a temporary ATM card?!?! I didn't even know they still made ATM cards w/o a Visa/Mastercard logo. Well here are the down sides...
  1. You can't swipe one of these wreched cards at any terminal.
  2. You have to carry cash to buy anything [cash is dirty... I've seen where they put some of those nasty $1 bills]
  3. You can't put a hold on your temporary atm card for a hotel room because they can't swipe it!
  4. Lastly, there is a daily cash maximum that can be withdrawn from an ATM machine

It seems to me as though these wierdos are out to get us. Can you imagine going to NYC, getting to your hotel on Broadway which costs an estimated $407 a night and having a daily cash maximum of $309 on your temp. ATM card? Well, it's NOT cool let me tell you.

So I get to the Doubletree Time Square and have no way of placing the hold for about $2047 for the week, because some ratbastard has stolen my credit card and gone on a shopping spree at HEB. I have the funds in my account to cover the week at the hotel, but can't access them. It's about 10 p.m. at night; I have to call our VP of Marketing. The only way I can get the authorization for my room is to send him a credit card authorization form by fax, only he does not have a fax machine at his house. He lives in a small town, so he called around, and found a BEst Western with an available fax line. He drives to the Best Western to fax the authorization form and a copy of his driver's license we receive the copies, so he goes back home.

When the Doubletree Rep starts to check me in she realizes that he didn't fax a copy of the card. Well the reservations person didn't tell me that he needed a copy of his card. So I call the VP back and explain the situation to him, a situation that will end with him having to leave his house again to go back to Best Western to refax his credit card. Then another problem! He has a dark gold card, so when he faxed it in it came though almost pitched black. The numbers were illegible. By this time I was totally fed up. I explained to them that I am paying $2000 to stay at their hotel for a week and they need to accommodate me. Needless to say after about another 5 minutes of becoming civilly irate they finally accepted the dark copy of the card.

Well at least my room is, in a word....niiiicee. I have the most incredible view of Broadway from my window. I look out of my bedroom window to see great Beauty and the Beast, and Lion King displays. There are pretty great resturants right in my area. From my living room window I see this huge Sprint bilboard with a humongoginormous cat on a string. These billboards are like 10 times the size of those in Texas. I'd still never want to live here. I had the hardest time trying to sleep with the blinking HSB billboard flashing in my window, and inceasent sirens blaring though the night, and the honking. Oh lord the honking. It's a nice place to visit, and I love that I am totally "in the mix."


My Reply to SapphireSoul

Being in the church, it's so hard to belive when you see the corruption of those who stand right in the pulpit. It's also hard when you go home with those who stand in the pulpit or in leadership and see what you think is the bride of Satan himself.

I had such a hard time with faith until I moved out of my parents house. I stopped going to church, and just breathed.

I never really leaned towards atheism, but I did lean toward a diest belief that God made the world and all in it, and left it to run naturally, without any interference. I guess to a certain extent I still believe that, but not I do feel God is more real in my life, because I stopped looking at the God of my parents, but the god with whom I began to forge a relationship personally.

The God I read about for myself in my own Bible. I am not sure if he interacts, but since I began attending Lakewood Church two years ago, I have found more peace in starting my day with God.

Today was a terrible day for me, and this was the first day in a while that I have not started it with my personal devotion time with God. Starting in a positive, God has something better in store for me outlook everyday just makes the day easier. I accept that bad things happen because God in his greatness did give us the power of choice, and unfortunately some people make bad choices which in turn negatively affect others.

And I have taught myself that the bad things through which I have gone in my life, have greatly prepared me to be an effective positive light in someone else's life who may be going through the same things.

Sorry my comment was so long, but I had to share it, because I totally felt your frustration, and I lived with it for many years and I still resort to it on occassion.


Bluntness: A Gift and a Curse

It took me a long while to be blunt about many things. Well, I finally learned. And look at where it's gotten me.

In some respects it's freed me, but in those same respects, I have always been blunt.

In others, the hard one, it's gotten me no where but in a deep pool of having said too much, and having been too honest, and still ending up empty-handed.


6 Years Since TDT

Those of you who are my loyal readers, and those of you who are my devoute friends you knew I couldn't let this day go by without noting it. It is quite frankly the closest I'll ever come to having a six year anniversary [since I'm never getting married and all]. This was the day, it all started so long ago.

The day that would cuz heartache for at least the next six years. I feel like a sick effin puppy.

Maybe one day in the future, when I feel like I can detach my emotions from the story, I'll actually sit down in the style of Kim, and tell you the story from beginning to lingering end.


My Brother-In-Law Is On CRACK!

This excerpt is the conversation between my brother-in-law and his boss.... I knew he was a crackhead!

mike: "what are you doing tomorrow night"

dave: "tuesday... let me check... nothing, what scary chore do you have for me?"

mike: "how about going to the world series"

dave: "woa. yes! wow. thank you."

dave: "can you get my wife in there?"

mike: "let me check, I'm about to pick up the tickets now. I''ve given the others away though"

calls him back

mike: "I have six tickets and have commited the five, unfortunately I can't get Aisha in"

dave: "I know this will sound like I'm on drugs, but I'll be either be glued to the TV with my wife or sitting in the stands with her."

mike: "I totally understand. I hope your wife knows the amazing man she has."

:) Yes, I think she does.

My sister's response to her husband telling her this story...

You ARE on drugs.
That wasn't a request.
I appreciate the love. Please, if the offer still stands, go to the game!


This all sounds a little too Good Will Hunting for me!



Black Hair.... DeBraiding and All That Jazz

Some people say that I have been assimilated into white culture because of the many ethnic things that I do not do. My speech is more proper than most black twenty-somethings, and I listen to country music [Yes I do thank you! Tim McGraw is the man!]. I do not dispute these facts, but I must say that I do not intentionally try to avoid black heritage, as much as I shy from ghettoisms that seem to infultrate our society, and carry myself in such a way that the stereotypes seem out of place for me.

Why I felt that the previous paragraph was a necessary preface to this post, I am not sure. However, I must say, that no matter how assimilated one seems to think I have become to White America, there are still somethings that I cannot avoid [not like I try to avoid sed others].

I still have BLACK HAIR.

A little history lesson, everyone in my family line for at least the past two generations [inclusive of my grandparents and my parents] have been black; when I say family line I am referring to the direct reproduction efforts that led to my own creation [aunts, uncles, and cousins not included]. Well, as I was saying as my two previous generations have been black and from the Texas and Northern Louisana areas I do not have that "good" more accuartely define soft with loose waves hair. My hair is coarse, and if I don't perm it, it gets nappy!

Growing up in a family of hairstylist, my hair always looked hmm decent, well if I'd sit down long enough to get it done. Even if I didn't get it done I'd still look hmm decent enough to walk out of my house and not get a "Ooh no she didn't." I was always under the impression that if people used the right products then their hair could have the mobility of mine and my sisters', and the luster, and the capibility of sleeping on it and just waking up in the morning and it being okay. Boy was I wrong.

My sister and I decided to take notice of Black hair today while we were chaperoning her 7th graders' field trip. And two little black girls started playing in each other's hair. First, it was evident that the little girl needed her ends clipped, and a deep conditioning. But beyond that the child's hair seemed unsalvageble. I remember when I was younger, and would play really hard my hair would shoot up all over my head but it would still not be as stiff and completely unmanagable as some of the other heads I have encountered.

We've finally realized that there are just some heads of hair, no matter what type of perm is used, will never have body, bounce, volume; it will always just look like someone drew cartoon character imobile hair onto that person's head... Oh but that's mean and I digress.

Anyway none of this has anything to do with the fact that I just spent the past few hours debraiding my sister's hair! I have hair fungus under my nails [as she has had them in probably a little longer than 9 weeks]. These are the trials of a black woman and hair. After sitting in a chair for hours to get the braids... the multiple hours of fungral braid removal hardly seem worth it. But then it is because for 6-8 weeks, we live knowing that when we wake up all we have to do is wake up!

I am just glad that I have finally developed a routine for my own hair. My hair tips, not like I'm a hair expert or anything because I'm not. I keep hair issues so very simple.
  • I shampoo every three days..yes your first reaction is "You are not white; you can't shampoo your hair that often." Well I do. I have found that shampooing my hair so often softens my naps and I can go 2 months instead of 1 betwen perms.
  • I get a perm every 2 months now instead of 4 weeks.
  • I do NOT use gel, mouse, spritz, holding spray, or any other crusty bang product that makes your hair hard and dirty and stank.
  • After shampooing I air dry in a ponytail. Man when I comb that ponytail out, it has more fluidness than water itself.
  • As far as hair products... I ONLY use one specific brand's perm, shampoo, conditioner, normalizer, and oil moisturizer.... I used to be a Revlon girl, but after one try with this other REALLY good stuff I was changed for life!
  • Get my ends clipped... okay that's an understatement. For the past year I have been saying that I was going to let my hair grow. But for some reason I have found myself addicted to the scissors. I don't know what it is. It is a sickness. Every 2 months when I get my hair permed, and flat ironed, and see that my hair has reached the middle of my shoulder blades, I play in the mirror for about 30 mins, and then the inevitable. "Cut it off please, to right below my ears."
  • As pretty and as coveted and mi-long hair is, I'm a chick of convience. When it's past my neck, it won't all fit in my pink silk scarf without me rolling, folding or clipping it up. If I fold it then it has that crease that I would have to flat iron out every morning. No thank you! Just wack it off please.
That's enough. I really just wanted to give you all something to read, as I had not blogged in a while. I am not sure how coherent all of that was, but hey(!) it's a post ain't it!


Revisiting the Readers' Favs

In the style of Areyl, I decided I would list for you my posts which seem to have been the post popular among the readers of TIOPCW.... so here you go!

Bringing up the rear in 4th place, I have 3 post which each received 6 comments:
In 3rd place with a whopping 7 comments we have:
In 2nd place, and probably my all time favorite:
And in 1st place, and I should almost feel bad for highlighting this one, but who cares! Is probably the most emotional one for me to date... although if you read the comments you'll get to see what makes an already emotional piece just flat out humiliating.... but damn if it wasn't some of my best writing ever thank you for that...

Number One All Time Favorite Among My Readers:


...that it has been almost an entire month since I have written anything worth reading. It's not that I don't have anything to write. It's just that I've have too much to write; I can't even gather all of my thoughts.

Topics that randomly float through my head:
  1. Evacuating Houston...Worse than Hell
  2. Would I ever Evac again
  3. Puking more than any one human should in her lifetime twice
  4. Running from the Runs
  5. How a 6 hour ride becomes a 15 hour sojourn filled with vomit and stomach frills
  6. Why I love the government
  7. We're in the Money Now
  8. Writing incoherent emails, not because you're drunk, but because you're sleepy
  9. Being a volleyball Sister-mom because the kid's parents are deployed
  10. Being the only female in an office of 20 guys
  11. My Godson Shat In Your Hands!
  12. Don't click the "how do i look" IM link in AOL or your are asking for it!!
  13. Picking the perfect Names for your Breasts
I've had tons to say, and even as I make this list, I'm sure I'm leaving out some stuff. I'll get back in the game; I promise.



Trashley's Edition

I had to remove the last post because Trashley did not approve... so I'm no longer Inadequate...



This is another entry that must be typed with my eyes closed, and my heart wide open. I have a hard time always speaking the truth when I feel myself in a conscious state of mind, but with my eyes closed, I can tell my fingers that whatever they produce is nothing more than a dream.

I have reasoned myself out of marriage, and love, and children on occasion. I have discovered the best possible reasons to go without all three. They all make perfect sense. They truely do, but for some reason my heart is not following suit. While my heart does not tug at the idea of marriage, it will not allow me to escape love. The fact that I know that love is more hurtful to me, because of whom I love, and that I can't make myself stop, makes me feel inadequate. I can't control my thoughts, the things that tug at that emotional side of me that I still arduously try to surpress, I can't control the repetition of one name and its daily exsistence in my life, and that makes me feel inadequate.

I was watching The Terminal the other day, and in the movie the major character has a beat in which he simply says [over and over] "I wait." I feel like I'm still waiting, but waiting on never, waiting on a possibility that is just not possible, and even if it was possible I shouldn't want it anyway.

I've tried many mediums to ignore the period of waiting. I ahve tried replacing; I have tried self-absorbtion; I ahve tried just forgetting. The ironic thing is that when you try to forget, it causes you to remember even more.

I simply cannot gethim out of my system. I want to. I really want to. When asked "why did I like him?" by one and "Did you want to marry him?" by another the only thought I could conjure up was that the verb tense in that sentence is incorrect- even though I wish the past perfect was the correct tense for that wuestion. When whill I move on? When will I let go of the piercing assasin which invades my daily exsistence?

damn not bad for me to have done that with my eyes closed...


A Little Something Called Trust

I recently had a rather huge confontation with a friend of mine over some major trust issues. This happened a few days ago, but I decided to wait to write this for two reasons:
  1. I wanted to calm down and not write this while I was furious
  2. I wanted to make sure I had my package in hand, just in case he read this and decided to do something stupid. Hey some people are crazy.
The Story
My boss recently purchased a new laptop for me, for business uses. I already owned my own personal laptop, thusly leaving me with two laptops [three computers total since I have a desktop as well]. Needless to say, many of my friends asked me for my personal laptop since I was getting a new one. Even my father [the most computer shy person I know asked for it]. I told them all no. However, there was one friend who persisted: from June until August he wouldn't let the fact that I had two laptops rest. He asked repeatedly for me to trade my fairly new personal laptop for his not-so-new laptop [mine has a CD burner and he needed it].

As my personal laptop is the most personal item I own, I continually told him no. However, his asking was incesent. Finally, in late August, he either called or IMed me to tell me he was coming to Houston for two back to back weekends-- he lives in Dallas. He asked if he could pick up the laptop the first weekend and bring it back SEVEN days later [Labor Day weekend]. Tired of saying no, I finally agreed under the stipulation that I received my laptop back the following weekend. I told him that, at the time, I was using both of my laptops for a project, so it was imperative that I received my baby back during Labor Day weekend.

Well, needless to say Labor Day weekend comes, and I get either a call or an IM or a text message from him telling me because the gas prices shot up so rapidly, he wouldn't be coming to Houston Labor Day weekend-- it starts. I did find it odd however, that he managed to make it to Mississippi that very same weekend [but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt assuming he didn't drive there]. Labor Day weekend was the weekend of the 1st. However, as of the 7th I still had not received my computer.

I called him [note I made contact here] to ask him to ship my computer to me. He told me that his roommate was coming to Houston, and he would bring it or something like that.
  • Problem #1: I told him my most personal and important posession to Houston with a stranger
I told him he could call a mutal friend of ours who also lives in Dallas and ask her when she is coming to Houston next, and possibly give her my laptop to bring with her, and I gave him her number just in case he didn'tstill have it.

Needless to say, he lost the number and, from what I could tell had made no other arrangements to get my computer back to me. So on Monday the 12th, nearly two weeks after I was supposed to have my computer back, I contacted him again to ask him when he was getting my computer to me. He then tells me that his roommates girlfriend was coming to Houston this weekend and would drop my computer off at his mom's house, and I could pick it up from there.
  • Problem #s 2, and 3: If I didn't what it to come to Houston with his roommate, whom I have at least met once, why in the hell would I be okay with it coming down with his roommate's girlfriend whom I had never met before in my life?
  • "She would drop it off at his mother's house, and I could get it from there."??? What in the world?! If I was kind enough to let you borrow my most personal posession then you need to make sure I shouldn't have to go out of my way to get my stuff back from you!
I told him that was not acceptable and he would either have to:
  • Bring it back to Houston the next time he comes, pending that time period would not exceed three weeks
  • Give it to our mutual friend who could bring it to me, pending she would be coming to Houston within the next three weeks
  • Or ship it to me
So he asks me for her number again: this means he was not responsible enough to write it down the first time, and that he had not even called her the first time I mentioned this option to him.

Speaking of OPTIONS let's note how many times I give him options here. The first being the initial return on Labor Day, the next three are those bulleted directly above the previous paragraph.

After I talk to him and give him these three options [on Monday] my professional computer breaks on me. Because of the warranty that I have, I have to send my computer to Dell to have it fixed. With my professional computer in Dell's hand and my personal computer in Dallas, this leaves me virtually computerless. I call him back on Wednesday, after I realize that there is no way to avoid sending my computer to Dell, and tell him that I need him to ship my computer no later than Thursday because if he doesn't I'll be computerless, and will not be able to work on a project for work that I really need to complete.

Well, needless to say, Thursday comes and he does not send it. He tells me that I will have to wait until he gets paid next week in order to get it via FedEx. Well, that's just not good enough. It isn't an option. I have to work, and I need my computer.

This is when it gets stressful. I call him, and we play phone tag because he's in a meeting @ 8:00 p.m. I finally get a hold of him and I tell him I need it immediately, so he MUST ship it on Friday morning. Once we are on the phone he tells me that he was in a car wreck that day. I try to be sympathetic but I could really careless, because had I received my computer, had he taken care of that [at this point] what was three weeks ago, his car wreck wouldnot have been a factor. He tells me that he will send it with his roommate's girlfriend because he doesn't have the money to ship it.

Option 5:
I tell him I still do not want my most personal posession in the hands of someone I do not know from Dallas to Houston. So he should take the package to FedEx and for payment options, put pay for by recepient upon delivery, and include a blank check signed which I can deposit after he gets paid, because I shouldn't have to pay for the shipping of my own computer after I'd allowed him to use it as a favor to him.

His response to this is, "Well how am I supposed to ship it if I do not have a box and packaging?" HELLO! Go to Wal-Mart; they restock at night. Get a box and stuff it with newspaper. He has a problem with this because that would mean he'd have to go to Wal-Mart and get a box to ship it. Since he feels that I am just being unreasonable he tells me yet again that he is just going to send it to Houston with his roommate's girlfriend [yes, the chick I do not know].

I once again tell him this is not an option, and that he has to ship it. Then his childish ass goes, well you don't know the FedEx man either. WHAT AN IDIOT. I was trying to tell this story without any biast but I'm allowed. Sure I do not know the FedEx man, but I know that FedEx can and will insure my package... unlike his roomate's girlfriend.

Then he argues that if she brings it to Houston, I could have it on Friday... yes, granted I could have it on Friday pending nothing happens to it while it is in her posession, and IF something happens to it while it is in her posession, I wouldn't get it or a reiembursement for it ever because she CAN'T ENSURE MY CRAP.

This goes on and on and on for about 30 minutes. I begin yelling and screaming because he doesn't understand that he fucked up. He was irresponsible and careless with my most personal posession, and no matter what the case, or his financial situation he needs to rectify his problem in a grown up manner, whether it inconvienced him or not, and in a matter that was acceptable by me-- the favor giver and computer owner.

This arguement got so intense that I ended up throwing my phone at the wall and just crying uncontroallably. You have no idea how personal this computer is to me. I finally calmed myself enough to call him back, and reiterate that my computer is to be shipped and not sent home with a stranger. He still doesn't get it and he continues to tell me that he is going to send ti home with the girl. Unable to even stomach the sound of his voice for another 20 seconds I finally had my cell phone over to my father, and tell him that when he gets off of the phone the understanding needs to be that my computer will be shipped and insured for a value of $1200 USD no exceptions.

My dad talks to him, and tells him to just "ship it to keep the peace." What the fuck? NO! He needs to ship it because, "Krystal is not being unreasonable. you have somthing very dear to her, that she allowed you to use after begging for it for MONTHS, and since she did that as a favor to you, since it is her computer you ought to send it back the way she requests since you didn't send it back the way you were supposed to almost three weeks ago."

Finally the conversations are over. Our friendship absolved. And my computer returned [via UPS].

After it was all over, I had to sit back and figure out why I was so angry at this situation. I figured it out, while not on the same scale, I decided it was as if I had given someone permission to take my child out of town with the promise to bring my child back to me. Once out of town the trustee decides it's inconvient for him [for one reason or another] to bring my child back. THusly he also decides that it is perfectly acceptable to send my child back to me in a car with someone whom I have never met. That is not acceptable; I can tell you if ever in that situation, my child would have to be sent back to me on Continental where s/he would be assigned a personal flight attendant to ensure my child makes it back to me.

I know a comptuer is not a child, but my computer is as close as a motherless person gets. All of my writings, all of my personal databases, all of my everything that I ever want to remember. It should have told him something when I trusted him with the key to my apartment, but not the password to my User account on my computer of how much more I value my computer over anything else I own. To be careless with that trust is beneath a friend.

To not understand how his being inconvienced after not being responsible for getting my property back to me is immature.

He doesn't get it; in the real world... you fuck up... you fix it whether it inconviences you or not.

So your thoughts.... was a wrong? If so how?


Mr. 26 Things has unfortunately Resurfaced

As I was minding my business, and just as I thought that May 13th would be the last I'd ever heard from Mr. 26, I get a phone call while driving the company car around the city doing some little ish. The conversation as it transpires... roughly.

"Can I talk to Krystal?"
"Um this is she."
"Oh my god. I'm so glad you answered. I've been looking for your number for months. Man, I've been looking for your number forever"
"Um okay. It's good you found it then."
"Yeah so how have you been? I've been thinking about you for months"
"I'm well but may I ask with whom it is I am speaking?"
"Who is this?"
"Oh it's (insert his name that begins with a J here) from the parking lot at your old job."
akward pause as i am trying very hard not to sound like aw shit i thought i was rid of you
"Oh hi. Well , I'm on another call so I'll have to call you later"

"How much later?"
"Not sure. I'm on the other line."
"Oh okay."
"Bye" clicks back over to continue conversation with cousin

five minutes later

"krystal are you still on the phone?"

more to come....

arrrrruuuuuuughhhhhhhhhh. I promise, if I had not hand-picked my number ot be my birthday, I'D CHANGE IT!


What Texans Feel Bad for Thinking, so We're Not Saying It... but I Will

This entire post was typed with my eyes closed, so please excuse any typos.

I feel the need to preface this post by saying that I am not a mean and hateful person. I do not bask in the misfortunes of others; I have a deep saddness for those who have been displaced by hurricane Katrina.

There are two types of people:
  • Feelers-- these people tend to go with the gut instinct. They allow emotions to play a major role in their decision making. Often feelers' actions are motivated by instinctual urges.
  • and Thinkers-- these people tend to think and go with [hopefully well-thought] strategies. In instances of turmoil, they take a minute to say let's look at this long term. What decisions right now will workout best in the long run? No matter what the instance is they tend to put aside their emotions in order to make decisions that are as realistic as possible.
Having said all of that, I believe many Texans are truly concerned, as am I, about the effects of housing more than 230,000 Katrina victims/survivors. Many of us are concerned about how this will effect not only our quality of life, but also our economy. There are many mistakes being made out of a need to make quick decisions-- these quick decisions could very well prove harmful in the long run.

  1. The Chase Debit Card: Many of the victims, brought to Texas from the Superdome and Arena are now receiving debit cards with a $2000 prestored value on them. The concept behind this card was genuinely a great idea. However, the execution could have stood to be improved. As these cards are debit cards, people can get cold cash back from these cards. They can use them to purchase anything from anyone who accepts theAmerican dollar or the MaserCard logo. Personally, I believe these cards should ahve been tailored, somewhat like the foodstamp cards so that only certain items could be purchased with these cards. In some cases the governemnet is handing over $2000 debit cards to people who have never had $2000 in their position at one time. Putting that type of money into people's hands who may not be accustoed to that amount of money is potentially hazardous. I would just hate to see that money [taxpayer dollars] go to alcohol, or a certain desinger outfit that wasn't never in reach before.
  2. Housing: Beyond the debit card issue, housing is probably a very large concern among my statemates. I am nto callous; I am being very real right now. The vast majority of the people who were brought to Houston's Astrodome from the Superdome and the Arena lived below the poverty level when at their peak in New Orleans. Many of them were underprivilaged and undereducated in New Orleans. Many of them have always looked to Houston as "the better life," and before many of them had no means of getting here. Well, as a result of a major disaster we have opened our doors and brought them to us. Howe many of those people do you truly believe have any intention of leaving Houston when they are presented with the opportunity to go back home to NO or elsewhere. Many of these people had never even left New Orleans, so leaving a new place where they are begining to set roots is not too plausible. The problem then becomes, that Houston would then need to be able to house, on a more permanent basis those who choose to stay. We are a generous people down here in Texas [our name in itself means friend] so we are not going to force people to leave. However all of these additional people would be murderous on our economy. We are essentially taking one city and putting it into an entirely difernet city. In houston we have recently been putting up very nice townhomes and the property value here has increased. However, I have talked to many native Houstonians, who previously were making attempts to move back to Houston. Many of them no longer wanted to come because of all of the new tenants we will inevidently have.
    "If I wanted to live in Louisiana, I would have gone to school there," one friend said. It's a legitimate issue. Are we going to have to start buildign more section 8 houses to house those who were already subpoverty level in N.O? By no stretch of the imagination are there an additional 100,000 jobs here in Houston, let alone 200,000. Of the jobs in Houston, many of them require a higher level of education, so the victims are not taking the qualified jobs. However, with the sudden influx of people, those who may have been inclined to move here may decide against it because of our new tenants.
  3. Lifestyle: New Orleans people, their culture is vastly different from those in the rest of the country. That cannot be disputed. The loitering on Bourbon streeet, and the openly accepted purchasing of alcohol by minors are evident unto themselves that life out there was different. The Astrodome recently invoked an 11 P.M. curfew for the victims in the Dome. Many were upset. I have a question. What could one be doing, outside of the dome, after 11 p.m., without any money. We do not loiter in Texas.
  4. Crime: We are all concerned about it. On day two of project "house the victims" a woman or more was raped. An influx of car breaks in have occured in the Medical Center [Astrodome area] since we've opened our doors. I am not calling all victims or New Orleanians criminals. I am nto doing that. I am however, asking if we are really ready to see the type of influx in crime that can come with a distraught hoard of an additional 230,000 people.
  5. Safety. I was reading an article that brought up a great point. Displaced Katrina kids are about to stat going to school with the kids already here in Texas. As these vitims/survivors have been exposed to everything from the current outbreak of TB in the Dome and the Ecoli in the waters in NO, without any form of vaccination records, many of our kids are being put at risk.
I think what I am basically trying to say, is that we have to make sure that in the midst of our helping, we don't forget to take care of home too.

I was in the Galleria today, and saw this dude with his wristband on carrying two Saks Fifth Avenue bags out. I saw a long line of evacuees at the ATM machine inside of Target. And oh so many were in the beauty shops and nails shops. A realist's approach says what happens when they've blown the $2000 from that debit card on their hair, nails, and the stuff from Saks, and the Louis Vitton bag one when it behind me to buy? Will they stand at the feet of the government and ask for more?


Something Cool -- What I Have Done and What I Have Yet To Do

Insomnia Fun

Stolen from Karaoke Diva and legalchick

Rules: Copy, paste, and bold the ones that you’ve done.

01. Buy everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swim with wild dolphins
03. Climb a mountain
04. Take a Ferrari for a test drive
05. See the Pyramids at night
06. Hold a tarantula
07. Take a candlelit bath with someone --sans candles one of the greatest days of my early 20s until...
08. Say ‘I love you’ and mean it
09. Hug a tree
10. Do a striptease
11. Do a bungee or parachute jump
12. Visit Paris
13. Watch a lightning storm at sea
14. Clean behind the fridge
15. Stay up all night long, and watch the sun rise.
16. Ask a question you’ve always been too embarrassed to ask.
17. See the Northern Lights
18. Go to a huge sports game
19. Create your own masterpiece
20. Grow and eat your own vegetables.
21. Touch an iceberg
22. Had an office relationship -- does having an office stalker count?
23. Sleep under the stars
24. Compromise
25. Change a baby’s diaper
26. Take a trip in a hot air balloon
27. Watch a meteor shower
28. Get drunk on champagne
29. Take a luxury holiday
30. Give more than you can afford to charity
31. Look up at the night sky through a telescope
32. Have an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
33. Have a food fight
34. Bet on a winning horse
35. Take a sick day when you’re not ill
36. Get a pet
37. Ask a stranger out
38. Have a snowball fight
39. Photocopy your bottom on the office photocopier
40. Scream as loudly as you possibly can
41. Hold a lamb
42. Enact a favorite fantasy
43. Take a midnight skinny dip
44. Hear the words ‘I love you’
45. Fly on Concorde
46. Take an ice cold bath
47. Have a meaningful conversation with a beggar.
48. See a total eclipse
49. Ride a roller coaster
50. Hit a home run
51. Fit three weeks miraculously into three days
52. Dance like a fool and not care who’s looking
53. Adopt an accent for an entire day
54. Visit the birthplace of your ancestors.
55. Gave a grand performance with costumes and everything
56. Made up a screenname to stalk someone.--- sadly yes.
57. Gone shopping for no reason.
58. Actually feel happy about your life, even for just a moment.
59. Just be held
60. Have an adventure where nothing goes as planned
61. Kissed someone you truly wanted to kiss -- where is the [and regretted it afterwards?]
62. Went clubbing and thought to yourself “I could out-dance them if I wanted to”
63. Called your relatives by their relationship
64. Have two hard drives for your computerI have three computers all to myself does that count?
65. Cuddled
66. Visited all 50 states
67. Loved your job
68. Taken care of someone who was shitfaced and tripping, too…ahhh college
69. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
70.. Have amazing friend(s)
71. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
72. Swim during a formal
73. Stolen a sign
74. Backpacked in Europe
75. Taken a road-trip
76. Rock climbing
77. Nose piercing
78. Midnight walk on the beach
79. Sky diving
80. Visit Ireland
81. Saw what you wanted and did all it took to seize it. -and failed
82. Fell in love then fell harder and faster from heartbreak.
83. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had lunch/dinner with them
84. Visit and/or tour Japan.
85. Benchpress your own weight.
86. Stolen from your parents
87. Alphabetized your records- DVDs count?-- and built a DVD database complete with author, actors, director, and academy award nominations and wins
89. Pretended to be a superhero
90. Sang karaoke
91. Made someone cry for no good reason.
92. Lounged around in bed all day.
93. Posed nude in front of a room full of strangers.
94. Dressed sexy for no reason.
95. Got it on to “Let’s Get It On” by Marvin Gaye
96. Kissed in the rain
97. Played in the mud
98. Played in the rain
99. Gone to a drive-in theater
100. Done something you should regret, but don’t regret it…
101. Visited the Great Wall of China
102. Fell in love with a job that has nothing to do with the degree you’re pursuing – my life
103. Discovered that someone who’s not supposed to have known about your blog has discovered your blog – well he knew about it; i just figured he'd never read it
104. Dropped Windows in favor of something better – Go Mac!
105. Started a business.
106. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
107. Toured ancient sites around the Mediterranean
108. Taken karate.
109. Swordfought for the honor of a woman.
110. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight.
111. Gotten married
112. Been in a movie.
113. LARPed
114. Loved someone you shouldn’t have.
115. Kissed someone so passionately it made them dizzy.
116. Gotten divorced
117. Had sex at the office
118. Surprised yourself with a talent you didn’t know you had
119. Been to Macchu Picchu
120. Gone without food for 5 days
121. Never left the continental United States.
122. Made cookies from scratch.
123. Won first prize in a costume contest
124. Ridden a gondola in Venice.
125. Gotten a tattoo – Seven of them to be exact
126. Got another tattoo the next day because you didn’t feel balanced
127. Find that the texture of some materials can turn you on
128. Rafted the Snake River.
129. Blazed it up at Burning Man
130. Gotten flowers for no reason.
131. Masturbated in a public place.-- holy cow would anyone admit to this?
132. Gotten so drunk you don’t remember anything.
133. Been addicted to some form of illegal drug.
134. Traveled the world.
135. Performed onstage with a famous symphony orchestra
136. Been to Las Vegas
137. Met Madonna
138. Recorded music
139. Eaten Shark
140. Had a one night stand
141. Gone to Thailand
142. Courage to speak my mind
143. Saw Robert Smith and Siouxsie live
144. Bought a house
145. Earned my degree
146. Broke my neck
147. Been in a combat zone
148. Buried my father
149. Earned a living through my creativity
150. Visit the remaining continents on my list
151. Had my pubic hair waxed off
152. Been on a cruise ship
153. Speak more than one language fluently
154. Worn see-through clothes in public
155. Bounced a check -unfortunately
156. Performed in Rocky Horror
157. Moved over 1000 miles by yourself
158. Been to art school
159. Read - and understood - your credit report
160. Raised children.
161. Recently bought and played with a favorite childhood toy
162. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
163. Created and named your own constellation of stars
164. Bucked stigma or trends to follow your heart
165. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
166. Found out something significant that your ancestors did.
167. Called or written your Congressman
168. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
169. …more than once?
170. Run the Golden Gate Bridge
171. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you know someone is looking
171. Had an abortion/miscarriage -- these should hardly be listed together -- one is a choice the other is a sad unfortunate ordeal
172. Had plastic surgery
173. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived.
174. Wrote articles for a semi large publication
175. Lost over 100 pounds
176. Held someone while they were having a flashback
177. Flown an airplane
178. Petted a stingray
179. Broken someone’s heart.
180. Helped an animal give birth
181. Been fired or laid off from a job you loved.
182. Won money on a T.V. game show.
183. Broken a bone.
184. Killed a human being.
185. Had a threesome (or moresome.)
186. Ridden a motorcycle
187. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100mph.
188. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced.
189. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol.
190. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild.
191. Ridden a horse.
192. Had major surgery.
193. Had sex on a moving train.
194. Had a snake as a pet.
195. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon.
196. Joined the army
197. Gotten Food Stamps
198. Been to a tapas bar
199. Read “War and Peace”
200. Bought a childhood favorite book on eBay
201. Worn a strap-on.
202. Been in an abusive relationship
203. Had fertility problems
204. Crewed a sailing ship.
205. Hunted Bookfinder for a favorite book.
206. Lived on another continent
207. Run for public office
208. Been so depressed that I couldn’t eat.
209. Visited Antarctica
210. Watched the entire series of “I, Claudius” in one sitting
211. Watched the entire series of “Twin Peaks” in one sitting.
212. Watch my child being born
213. Travelled more than 3000 miles for a job interview.
214. Hit on someone you later discover is a close relation.
215. Won more in a year gambling than earning.
216: Was quoted in the newspaper
217. Had a waterbed
218. Ate sushi
219. Killed an animal in order to eat it
220. Canned
221. Had sex naked in the snow at night under the stars
222. Had a food orgasm.
223. Held a live creature just after it’s birth
224. Sung in an opera or musical
225. Used food for a purpose other than eating.
226. Been to a metal concert
227. Used Psychedelic drugs [lsd, shrooms etc] for the purpose of art and the creative process
228. Learned to play the piano
229. Had singing lessons
230. Put your hand in an entire sink full of clorox bleach.
230. Been on a movie set when they were filming and met some actors/actresses
231. Been bit by a mountain lion
232. Ran into a tree with some sort of moving machine
233. Lost a friend to suicide
234. Carved something out of wood.
235. Never been pulled over
236. Missed a flight
237. Been snorkeling
238. Been in 6 states or more within 12 hours
239. Won a stuffed animal
240. Had a dream or dreams that came true
241. Done CPR more than 6 times in 6 hours.
242. Cried hysterically when you were feeling dandy and drunk.
243. Kicked a member of the opposite sex in their crotch.
244. Save someones life who you didnt want to.
245. Laugh in the face of death.
246. Took the Eurostar from Paris to London (or vice versa)
247. Been in two countries at the same time, straddling the border line
248. Met Christian Slater
249. Get stuck in the snow more than twice
250. Hit a deer on the road


Never Look Back. Even if it Means well...

There were "Untitled", "26 Things I Hated About Him", and the "The New Guy".
With whom the hell else will the gods find to curse me?!?!
Just leave me alone -- I'm happy that way!

So a long time ago I posted "The New Guy." That was probably around February something or other. A friend had introduced me to this guy, who I thought was surprisingly everything that I thought was pretty great. Naturally, this made me quite skeptical of him, because I know that there is always a catch.

Well, that era has ended; I thought it had ended months ago when I blocked him from my buddy list once he told me that he'd gotten married. Apparently, he married in April. He was so happy and they even got pregnant on the honeymoon.

Thanks to Google, and the fact that I still have him listed in my email contacts like, GoogleTalk he was able to contact me, out of the blue, just as I had begun to forget he'd existed. I don't know what I was thinking, carrying on a conversation with him, as if it were okay to do so. I spoke of my determination to stay single, and he apologized as if he felt he had anything to do with my decision again relationships and commitment. He didn't; he, as well as Mr. Untitled, were merely reinforcement for what I have known for a very long time.

We ended up talking on the phone; I thought I could handle it since I'm inamoured with the French guy now-- sidebar there is a new French guy, with whom I am allowed to be inamored because I cannot become attached because he is an Atlantic ocean away. But I tell you, a voice can bring back all kinds of emotions that you've thought have passed because of the length of time elapsed.

Trying to make small talk, I asked when the baby was due. He said a couple of weeks from now. STOP!!!!!!! WAIT!!!!!! This is September! Unless he has fortified supergestating sperm, that kid would have been conceived in January or February. That changes the mix quite a bit. While I thought this when he told me the date, I said nothing. I ended the conversation with the fact that my chicken salade was more important that continuing our conversation, and he ended it with "we should keep in touch." WRONG! No we shouldn't. He is a married man. Nuff said. I do wish he and his wife all the happiness in the world. But keeping in touch is an unnecessary evil.


A Speechless 12 Days... from Houston

I know it has been a while, and Areyl has charged me with forgetting how to blog, so here I am. As I am sure all of you, as I have, been engulfed by Katrina images on the news, internet, television, radio, and at church.

Sometimes, I wonder if the rest of the world, outside of the Gulf Coast is as surrounded by the daily reminders that life in a city that was once so livly is all but destroyed.

In attempts to not sound selfish, I am wondering what will happen with the economy of the state of Texas if all of these evacuees decide to make Texas their new home. An immediate increase of nearly 230,000 people would stand to greatly damage our economy. I understand that people are going to try to make a new life, which may not include returning to Louisiana, but we have got to figure out a way to disperse families accross the states as to not cause a devistation or economical proportions.

There are so many more things I want to say, but as has been the case for the past 12 days, I'm somewhat speechless.

All I really have to say is I truely hope they do not bring Mardi Gras and/or The Bayou Classics to Texas.


Compromise and Commitment

When I think of marriage I think of the two Cs: Compromise and Commitment.

It's been my experience that so many people feared commitment, and as always, myself being the iconoclast that I am, I have no fear of commitment. My fear is of compromise. In a previous post, I refered to marriage as "setting yourself up to compromise for the rest of your life." Now, I do not necessarily think fear is the right way to describe my feelings toward compromise; I think lack of desire would be more accurate.

I think my ability to be committed to something is nothing short of amazing:
  1. I had a best friend who lied to me, pathologically telling different lies, and I stayed because I felt she needed a friend; I was committed to our friendship.
  2. There was this guy in whom I found significant interest, and if I am being 110% brutally honest with myself, I would acknowledge that he was never really interested in me, and thusly nothing would ever really progress for us at all. However, emotionally [I'm not sure if that is the right word here] I was 110% committed to him for over six years. I hate to give him so much credit but I've learned so much from that experience alone. I've learned that if you aren't on the same page... it never works.
Committment has never been my issue, in part because I think that it is so closely related to determination, in most cases I cannot differentiate between the two. When I want something, I want it. I do not know how to stop until I get it. Even if that means holding on for six years to an empty jar-- only to find six years later that I am inevitably empty-handed.

Another case in point. I do not yet have my undergraduate degree, and at this point I do not yet know when I will. However, I do know that no matter what it takes, no matter how many years, I will not rest without it. Now I will say, that I do have a great job in Marketing right now [not telemarketing or customer service], an acutal marketing position. Many people are telling me that we my current level of education added to my actual intellectual copacity, even without a college degree, I could still easily make more than some people who are already degreed. I do not doubt this possibility, especially since [even though I am in marketing] I've recently been working with the president of my company to re-model our pricing structure for our services in order to maximize our profit margin based on recreating a formula that uses optimized variables instead of concrete values combined with the results of our recession analysis. Even if I am offered a better position, or a higher paying position, that will never be enough for me without a piece of paper which says that I am qualified.

For this reason, mainly above all others, I am in a state where I refuse to pursue any potential relationships of anything other than a friendly nature. I am even quite skeptical about adding friends to the mix--especially male ones. They can be a distraction. I'll tell you guys a secret; my biggest fear right now, is getting into a relationship that leads to marriage, then to kids, and that leads to me never becoming qualified.

My committment to finishing my education comes before any other varible in my life's equation. It comes before my present job [which at 22 sans degree pays me more than many degreed teachers make]; it comes before any sort of lovelife [which has never really been important to me], and in some cases it comes before my friends. What is hard but completely honest, is that I truly believe finishing comes before everything but God in my life. Once I am back in for the long haul, if my friends can't understand that school comes before them, then that is their on misfortune-- same goes for family. And anyone who knows me know that my friends and family normaly mean the world to me; however, neither of those can qualify me.

So my lack of desire-- it's compromise. For as long as I can remember, my mother has tauht me never to settle. I see compromise and settling as being on the same level. Marriage is one big compromise, especially for a woman who takes the role ordained for her in the Bible of submitting to her husband. Many women often get up in arms when I say that I do believe that this is how a marriage really works: A woman submits to her husband.

I've thought long and hard about marriage, and exactly what I would be giving up by not embarking on such a union. I've read a lot about marriage, and not in books by psychologists and such; I've only used one reference: The Bible. I am not a Bible nut, but for some moral situations I belive that the Bible often presents the best formula: such is the case with marraige.

The Bible says that a woman is to submit to her husband. It also says that husbands are to love their wives. I think those are the only to principals that matter. Maybe that is in my own rationale though.

If I ever marry, I woud want the marriage detailed by the Bible in Ephesians. I would want to be a wife who submits unto her husband, because I believe that a husband is supposed to be the head of his household. Now, do not misunderstand me. By submitting, I mean the wife allows her husband to make the decisions for the household after issues are discussed between the two of them. I believe that together they lay out the pros and the cons, but at the end the decision is the husband's to make. That is why it is imperative that the "husband love his wife as Christ loved the church, and be willing to give his life for her."

If I every marry, he would have to be someone how loves me with that kind of love, because if I am entrusting him to make decisions for me and our posterity he has to love me. He has to love me enough that he put us before himself when making the decision for our house. If I can't trust him to make sound, logical decisions, then he is not the one with whom I am supposed to be for the rest of my life. He'd have to be man enough to make sound decisions, and not rely on me, his help, to wear the pants and make decisions.

This is why marriage scares me. For the first time in my life, I would have to compromise on the majority of the decisions that I am used to making on my own. I have lived on my own since I was 19; I've made all the decisions on where to live, when to change jobs, what to cook, when to wash, how I like my apartment kept, how clean and when is it acceptable too be a little out of order, who can come over, and when.

I can't imagine having a roommate let alone someone who has equal or more say than I do in our home. That is a bit much for me. I am not willing to trade in my privacy and my ability to just be. Maybe I am young, but I know that marriage is work. You don't stumble upon a good marriage. You NEVER stumble upon a good marriage. It is work. Even though I am alone [relatinshipswise] and I live alone, I still never find the time to feel lonely. Everyone is usually so shocked that I'm not, but I'm not. I can't see being so lonely that a dog can't provide a quick fix.

Yes. I see my friends, and cousins in their relationships that are leading towards marriage, and those of them who have children already. I don't want that, very little if anything about that intruiges me now. Like I said, maybe I'm young, but I hope I stay this way forever.


I'll ____ Before I'm 50

After readin'g Kim's and Mike's I decided I'd make a To-Do list of my own. Let's see how much I do before 50.

  1. Sing a whole song on key without cracking.
  2. Go to the first Superbowl in which the Houston Texans participate!
  3. Name all 50 states without looking at a book or a map.
  4. Finish my dynastyevents.com website (it's been under construction for a year)
  5. Finish my undergrad degree
  6. Pay off my student loan
  7. Pay off the University of Houston
  8. Pay off my credit card
  9. Go to Hawaii
  10. Go to France
  11. Get a passport
  12. Buy a hybrid (the Toyota Priapus would be nice)
  13. Buy a garden home
  14. Buy rental properties
  15. Have an office job
  16. Take the stage again
  17. Buy a motorcycle
  18. Speak French fluently
  19. Speak Spanish fluently
  20. Learn how to break up with someone (nicely)
  21. Break up with someone one
  22. Get married
  23. Have kids
  24. Get Divorced
  25. In that order
  26. Make old-fashioned ice cream [in the wooden bucket]
  27. Stop reading people's away messages as a past time
  28. Blog at least once a week
  29. Write a movie, a book, or a play It was viewed by nearly 14,000 people
  30. Get involved in church
  31. Read my Bible everyday
  32. Stay at one church for at least 10 years
  33. Vote in every election
  34. Hold Houston Texans season tickets ever year
  35. Watch golf
  36. Work for myself as an independent consultant of in some capacity
  37. Meet Heath Ledger (I can't now-- mayhe RIP)
  38. Meet Shemar Moore
  39. Meet Ashely Judd
  40. Meet David Carr
  41. Stop fucking cursing
  42. Be an extra in a major motion picture
  43. Send my kids to The Kinkaid School
  44. Pay for my kids' higher education without financial aid
  45. Buy stock in something lucrative

And so she shopped...and a couple Happy Birthdays

First of all, August is a month of many birthdays for those whom receive mine own affections. I take birthdays very seriously, especially mine. I make it a point to be the first person to say happy birthday, so I stay awake until 11:59 the night before and start dialing numbers so when the clock strikes 12 MY voice is the one they hear! Since I was a slacker today and yesterday, really I just couldn't force myself to care too much this year, I decided I didn't have to be the first... I would just blog a birthday note thusly imortalizing it.

So here we go:
  1. To the sexiest (because he's one of the smartest) double-digit Madison Marlin to ever grace the streets of Hiram Clarke... Gordon Lemond #44 c/o '95 August 16. We do not know how old he really is.... and neither does he!
  2. Another Madison Marlin whoes name I'm no longer allowed to say, and in whoes life I'm no longer allowed (see Untitled) The Name I'm Not Allowed to Say c/o '01 August 17th (today). I know his real age, but if you ask him to tell you, he'll prolly lie and say he's older.
  3. My cutsie little girly-non-girly cousin who has to put up with my other two very boyish boy cousins... poe her. Tyra Cole O'Neal c/o a long way from now August 18th

Speaking of birthday notes. My cousin and I decided that I need to creatively create a cutsie birthday card in Flash that says:
"Eff U and Your Birthday!!!"
and send this card to people we loathe. I'll get to work on it immediately!

So yesterday I went shopping. Yes. Shopping-- for clothes not DVDs. The whole reason I went shopping was to buy shirts and shoes. I wanted new shirts, and I need new shoes. If any of you are loyal readers you know how much I loathe shopping for vetements. However, I drug myself into the shopping center. Tried on a bit of everything... even button down shirts; I normally stay away from those because my boobs are too big and the buttons normally gap at the boosom area, but if I go up a size then the rest of the shirt will looks like a parachute, and I'm scared I'd fly away.

Anyway, I tried on tons of items, and bought quite a few things. However, I realized that when I left, I'd only purchased blazers, jackets, pants, and skirts! FOR WHAT REASON DID I SAY I NEEDED TO GO SHOPPING? SHOES AND SHIRTS! I did not buy one pair of shoes nor any shirts...can you say OFF TASK. [matters not the jackets, skirts, and the slacks are way cute].


Interrogation or Conversation

I have had numerous people become annoyed with me because I don't ask them questions about them. Because I never ask questions about them, they assume I don't care about getting to know them, and I am only self absorbed, and into myself. Oye vey. They are absolutely correct; there are many questions I really just couldn't careless about asking.
  1. I couldn't care less about what type of music you listen like. Why do people even ask this question anyway? What? Am I supposed to go out and buy you random Hip Hop CD's because you tell me you like Hip Hip bountee bountee music?
  2. I'm not going to ask you if you like to dance. I am especially not going to ask you if you are a girl, because I have no plans on dancing with you in the first place.
  3. I'm not going to ask you want you like to do on weekends and in your spare time. I just think "what do you like to do in your spare time?" is a stupid question.
  4. I'm not going to ask your favorite color, because it really doesn't matter: I'm not going to go out and buy you a pink dog that dances to hip hop while roller blading to the movies on Saturdays.
Please however, understand that just because I don't ask you "what's your favorite cereal?" that does not mean I am not interested in you. If I have talked to you more than twice in my life, chances are that I do care to get to know more about you, but crazy and wild thought coming I tend to get my information from good ole conversation. I'm just looking for peope who understand the "show don't tell method." If I say what do you like to do, and you say, "Sing, run, and blog," well then that kinds of sums it up.. no need to go any further. However if we just hold a naturally flowing conversation you afford me the opportunity to use context clues!

I use context clues. If we are on the phone and you tell me about your recent trips to Cali, Luxenburg, and Austrailia the I am going to assume you like to travel. I'm not going to ask you, if you like to travel.

If you mention in a conversation that you were watching the game last night, then I am going to assume you like sports. I am probably going to be right, unless you were just so bored to death that you had absolutely nothing else in the world to do but watch a televised version of a past time which you dispise.

Believe it or not, whether I appear to be or not, I am a very good listener. I don't just hear and wait for my turn to say something [about myself]; I listen. I have actually been able to catch a few people in a couple of lies by doing just that: listening. You can believe that if you are important to me, I am probably not only listening, but synthesizing, and storing everything that you say to me.

Now on to me being self-consumed. I am sorry if anyone feels that way. If it seems as though I talk about myself a lot [which I do not think I do] it is only because I feel like if me listening to others talk about themselves is how I get to know them, then one would need to hear me talk about myself in order for him/her to get to know me. Go figure.

I have a hard time answering the "what do you like to do for fun?" "what kind of food do you like?" blah blah blah questions. Sorry, but I've never sat down and made a list of "things that I like to do for fun." So it's hard for me to answer that question. However, if you really just have a burning desire to know more infor the Miss Krys 100 may help you out.

Bottom line: I would rather a conversation to an interrogation any day and twice on Sundays. So, I'll promise to never ask the lame-o questions if you will please return the favor.