12.28.2009

And there shall be a great cry unlike one that's ever been heard before...

And there shall be a great cry unlike one that's ever been heard before...

And it shall be the cry of Black American boy babies...

Yes, I am calling for a cry similar to Pharoah's of the Egyptian babies... only in the reverse.

Earlier today, a friend of mine sent me an article from ABC News entitled "Why are There So Many Single Black Females?" and after reading it I realized that I am truly not alone, and the question that my sister's boyfriend asked of me months ago holds true for so many: if the statistics in this article are correct, then at  least one in twelve. You are you have money, you can cook, you are fun, and you actually like sports; why don't you have a man?

This article uses the same old black women outnumber men, and the men that are available (meaning the ones that are not in jail or undereducated -- as in no high school diploma-- or unemployed) are either dating and marrying white women or are playing the field because why should he settle down with one woman when he has four quality women to rotate between?

I am not getting into the details of those issues of do black women have to settle for someone beneath them to stay in the same race.  I am only going to say that the fact (so this article says) is that black women outnumber black men by 1.8 million.

After reading this article, I thought about it and was reassured in knowing that I was not alone.  Now, personally, I am not dead set on marrying a black man.  If I marry I am going to marry a man who loves me unconditionally; if he's black great, and if he isn't that's fine with me too.  But like I was saying after reading this article I realized that I had come up with a solution to this epidemic.

These women should become single parents.

This article describes a mentality among successful black women that is accepting of the reality that they may never ever be able to append the title Mrs. in front of a name which is followed by M.D., or J.D., etc. But the problem is that this mentality also has the majority of these women accepting that they will also never have children.

My solution is not impossible, but it unfortunately will come too late to help the women of my generation who are like me, but we can setup future generations to not have the same outcome. I think we should all have babies---and pray that we birth boys.

For years there has been this stigma that has come along with being a single or unwed mother.  But we are now in the age of interractial, same-sex, and open marriage... all which at some point or another carried the same stigma, but over time have come to (in most cases) make sense.  Becoming a single mother at 32 years of age, is really not so bad when you look at the long term ramifications.

I believe that if women who are financially stable, and successful in other capacities as  well have kids we can curve this problem for the next generation; however if we continue to let only the married couples have and raise little brown children, this problem will be on-going.  The average family has two children, and if only 68 percent of African American women are marrying, then the 2 children from each of those families is not going to curve the present problem.

Ladies, we need to breed little black boys, and raise them to be black men.   We have the capability to be single mothers, who don't have to struggle like younger, and less financially stable women do.  We have the capability to raise these young men bred to keep the race alive to do just that. Be men who will settle down (personally I don't care if black men chose to date/marry white women) and marry and have children and not have four quality women on rotation.   We have the capability to raise these little boys in loving, and "struggle-free" environments, leading them to be more progressive in their adulthood and less likely to be another black man in jail or under educated. As women who have been educated, the likelihood of raising kids who will not value education is slim.  Therefore we'd slowly but surely be able to change the "more black men in jail than college" statistic that haunts us.

I spoke to my sister about this and she did ask some good questions regarding to how this would work.  If it were me this is something like how it would go.

Conception:
Because I am pretty adamant about my children all having the same father (whether I am married or not), and because there are certain pastimes in which I like to take part, I would probably not go the route of a sperm bank.   More than likely, I would find someone who I trust (and who I think would produce attractive offspring) and be completely honest with him. I would let him know of my desire to have a child(ren) and that I want him to be my "donor". I would explain that this is really like a business transaction and would have a copy of the sample parental waiver form for him to read and agree to before we decide to commence trying to conceive MY child. I would also include in my discussion that should I conceive, and if at any point post conception he decides to get married, he would oblige me and make a donation to an agreed upon sperm bank, and that donation would be held in reserve for me for later use in case I want more kids.   It would also be important that this guy understands that he's just the sperm donor, and not the father of my child.

Raising:
I'd raise my son to be a MAN. Respectful of women but, he'd be out in the dirt doing manish things.

  1. He'd play little league football (obviously because I selfishly really want to be a football mother).  
  2. He would not accompany me on trips to the beautyshop/ nailshop/ or hangout with my female friends and myself as we gossip about whatever it is women gossip about. 
  3. I would surround him with a network of wonderful "uncles" who can show him the aspects of "mandom" that I cannot teach him.
  4. I will raise him to know that he's special because he is not a kid who had a father who left him, but he is a kid who has a mother who wanted him, and wanted him for a great purpose. 
What about marriage?:
I am not saying that I am going to go out and find someone to mate with in order to conceive tomorrow, but I am saying that if I get to be about 33 and it looks more and more like I am not going to get married, then I will, and if after I have my son and daughter or two a man miraculously comes up and wants to marry then fine, but it'd be a long hard discussion what I would expect of him as a father, because the raising of my children at that point will have been very intentional, and I couldn't have someone undoing what had been done. It'd also be a long discussion regarding any future children because, like I said, I want my kids to all have the same father like my two sisters and I did.  If he has an issue with that, then he should have come around while I was 29 and not 39.

Like I said, this solution would take a generation or two to correct the current problem, but it can be done. There shall be a great cry unlike one that's ever been heard before, and it will be the cry in the maternity wards of hospitals across the country of the newborn Black American boy babies being born to single women who are able to love, care, and support these young  boys and guide them into their role as black men.   You thoughts?

5 comments:

Judy said...

It breaks my heart to hear young black women draw the conclusions that you have about having children out of wedlock. Another statistic that you need to take into consideration is the appalling number of single women in America bringing children into the world and living in abject poverty. Children are expensive and raising children alone on a single income and an often deficient income only brings despair, breeds crime, poverty and strain on our society and the government coffers. Not to mention the statistics that have proven that children from a dual parented home are so much more well balanced mentally and emotionally.

My advice to you is find yourself a good husband and raise a well balanced family.

God bless you in your search for the meanings of life, happiness and fulfillment.

Miss Krys said...

Judy,
I appreciate your comment, but the women about which I speak are the ones who are not in the poverty level, and actually in a quite opposition situation. Many black women would love nothing more than to find a husband (or have a man find us and make us a wife). The problem is that the numbers are there. This blog post was targeting specifically black women who are in their mid to late 30s who are successful both financially and emotionally who would otherwise not have an opportunity to be a mother because unfortunately the numbers in our community are sorely lacking.

This reality too breaks my heart. Thank you for your thought-filled comment.

EXSENO said...

Hi Miss Krys,
Believe me when I say there are just as many sorry, cheating white men as there are black men. When it comes to men sometimes I think they all cheat at one point or another.

I like your post.
You seem to have this well thought out. I say do what feels good to you.
My daughter and I have raised her son with no man involved and he is now 18yrs. and a very masculine young man. Being raised by two women didn't seem to effect him at all.

So you go girl, do your thing.
There have been many times that I think if I had it to do all over again and knew what I know now,I would never have gotten married. There is just that something about men that once you marry them they think they are the boss at least on some things. I like being my own boss. I like being independent.

Anonymous said...

While your intentions are noble only a man can raise another man. You could be the single mom of the century and still not scratch the surface.

He will live by and go by a totally different set of rules and societal "norms" that women have no clue about. Furthermore he will be held accountable for them by other men.

A "substitute" of uncles and friends will not cut it.

Fathers will do things for their son's no other man will do.

There is more to being a man than "getting dirty and playing sports." The fact that you typed that shows how little you know. And I do mean that constructively.

If you look at the statistics the largest number of criminals and thug types are raised by single moms.

Good luck to you however you decide to have children if that comes up for you in the future.

Anonymous said...

"There is just that something about men that once you marry them they think they are the boss at least on some things. I like being my own boss. I like being independent."

If only there was some way to figure out why your marriage didn't work.