I have sat up most of tonight crying. Yes I admit it. I have cried. My eyes truely aren't used to that anymore. They are burning like crazy.
Okay here comes the juicy story...
There has been this dude who I admittantly didn't really like at all, who has been persuing my affections for somewhere around a year. For months I explained that I didn't have time for a relationship and that I really was not interested in one. I was largely not interested in him, but I figured saying I was not interested in a relationship was not an untruth either and it was definately nicer. Well this dude, with whom I will admit I may have touched a time or two, came in town for Thanksgiving, and called me late one night and asked me to come meet him. I told him no, because I knew what he wanted, and I was not up for it. He calls me the following morning and asks me to breakfast, and I agree. All throughout breakfast I'm trying to figure out how I will tell him that nothing is ever going to happen between us because I'mjust not at all attracted and the conversation just isn't there. I have been subjected to listening to rediculous stories about him and his ghetto boys from the north side and blah blah blah ... snore!
Much to my surprise I was on myspace.com today and noticed that he had gotten engaged last week to a chick he has been with for three years! Now let's see, this is the SAME dude who was pissed that I was just "talking" to some other dudes-- mind you we were never "together". He gets mad at me while all the while he is proposing to some chick at home!
What's scary is that this has happened with me with the last three maybe four dudes who have sought me out. Mind you, I never seek, and normally i try my damnest to ignore.
- The dude from NYC who randomly stopped talking to me in February of '05 got married in April of '05, got pregnant on his honeymoon in April but the baby was due in September [hmmm yes that is 5 months]... THEN around January began talking to me again under the auspecies of a friendship, but soon admitting to wanting more with me.
- The bastard mentioned in the above senerio.
- The dude I've known for three years or more [probably more] who would secretly fatasize about doing naughty things to me while we'd stay up til 2am discussing anything [but naughty] things, only for him to move far away get a girlfriend and then confess that he'd secretly been intrigued by me and thought of there being something more between us. [hope he doesn't read this but if he does ... who cares]
- The dude that I used to kick it with, and one day he comes over to visit me and I notice a wedding ring on his finger, after months of us kicking it-- and it wasn't always merely friendly.
HERE'S THE MESSAGE I'D LIKE TO LEAVE...IF I'M NOT APPROACHING YOU THEN LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE.
If you approach me then I am going to assume one of 4 things:
- You have a girlfriend
- You have a fiancee
- You are married
- You are gay [haven't had one of these yet but ya know... anything can happen].
I would just like for someone... anyone to tell me if I am wearing some kind of indicator that says "OTHER WOMAN MATERIAL". Please I'd like to know. I asked one of my really good guy friends and he said, well Krys you're fun. Maybe they want to be with you because you are fun... I was like then why can't they just be my fucking friend... I don't need all the extra... I never NEVER need the extra.