A Little Something Called Trust

I recently had a rather huge confontation with a friend of mine over some major trust issues. This happened a few days ago, but I decided to wait to write this for two reasons:
  1. I wanted to calm down and not write this while I was furious
  2. I wanted to make sure I had my package in hand, just in case he read this and decided to do something stupid. Hey some people are crazy.
The Story
My boss recently purchased a new laptop for me, for business uses. I already owned my own personal laptop, thusly leaving me with two laptops [three computers total since I have a desktop as well]. Needless to say, many of my friends asked me for my personal laptop since I was getting a new one. Even my father [the most computer shy person I know asked for it]. I told them all no. However, there was one friend who persisted: from June until August he wouldn't let the fact that I had two laptops rest. He asked repeatedly for me to trade my fairly new personal laptop for his not-so-new laptop [mine has a CD burner and he needed it].

As my personal laptop is the most personal item I own, I continually told him no. However, his asking was incesent. Finally, in late August, he either called or IMed me to tell me he was coming to Houston for two back to back weekends-- he lives in Dallas. He asked if he could pick up the laptop the first weekend and bring it back SEVEN days later [Labor Day weekend]. Tired of saying no, I finally agreed under the stipulation that I received my laptop back the following weekend. I told him that, at the time, I was using both of my laptops for a project, so it was imperative that I received my baby back during Labor Day weekend.

Well, needless to say Labor Day weekend comes, and I get either a call or an IM or a text message from him telling me because the gas prices shot up so rapidly, he wouldn't be coming to Houston Labor Day weekend-- it starts. I did find it odd however, that he managed to make it to Mississippi that very same weekend [but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt assuming he didn't drive there]. Labor Day weekend was the weekend of the 1st. However, as of the 7th I still had not received my computer.

I called him [note I made contact here] to ask him to ship my computer to me. He told me that his roommate was coming to Houston, and he would bring it or something like that.
  • Problem #1: I told him my most personal and important posession to Houston with a stranger
I told him he could call a mutal friend of ours who also lives in Dallas and ask her when she is coming to Houston next, and possibly give her my laptop to bring with her, and I gave him her number just in case he didn'tstill have it.

Needless to say, he lost the number and, from what I could tell had made no other arrangements to get my computer back to me. So on Monday the 12th, nearly two weeks after I was supposed to have my computer back, I contacted him again to ask him when he was getting my computer to me. He then tells me that his roommates girlfriend was coming to Houston this weekend and would drop my computer off at his mom's house, and I could pick it up from there.
  • Problem #s 2, and 3: If I didn't what it to come to Houston with his roommate, whom I have at least met once, why in the hell would I be okay with it coming down with his roommate's girlfriend whom I had never met before in my life?
  • "She would drop it off at his mother's house, and I could get it from there."??? What in the world?! If I was kind enough to let you borrow my most personal posession then you need to make sure I shouldn't have to go out of my way to get my stuff back from you!
I told him that was not acceptable and he would either have to:
  • Bring it back to Houston the next time he comes, pending that time period would not exceed three weeks
  • Give it to our mutual friend who could bring it to me, pending she would be coming to Houston within the next three weeks
  • Or ship it to me
So he asks me for her number again: this means he was not responsible enough to write it down the first time, and that he had not even called her the first time I mentioned this option to him.

Speaking of OPTIONS let's note how many times I give him options here. The first being the initial return on Labor Day, the next three are those bulleted directly above the previous paragraph.

After I talk to him and give him these three options [on Monday] my professional computer breaks on me. Because of the warranty that I have, I have to send my computer to Dell to have it fixed. With my professional computer in Dell's hand and my personal computer in Dallas, this leaves me virtually computerless. I call him back on Wednesday, after I realize that there is no way to avoid sending my computer to Dell, and tell him that I need him to ship my computer no later than Thursday because if he doesn't I'll be computerless, and will not be able to work on a project for work that I really need to complete.

Well, needless to say, Thursday comes and he does not send it. He tells me that I will have to wait until he gets paid next week in order to get it via FedEx. Well, that's just not good enough. It isn't an option. I have to work, and I need my computer.

This is when it gets stressful. I call him, and we play phone tag because he's in a meeting @ 8:00 p.m. I finally get a hold of him and I tell him I need it immediately, so he MUST ship it on Friday morning. Once we are on the phone he tells me that he was in a car wreck that day. I try to be sympathetic but I could really careless, because had I received my computer, had he taken care of that [at this point] what was three weeks ago, his car wreck wouldnot have been a factor. He tells me that he will send it with his roommate's girlfriend because he doesn't have the money to ship it.

Option 5:
I tell him I still do not want my most personal posession in the hands of someone I do not know from Dallas to Houston. So he should take the package to FedEx and for payment options, put pay for by recepient upon delivery, and include a blank check signed which I can deposit after he gets paid, because I shouldn't have to pay for the shipping of my own computer after I'd allowed him to use it as a favor to him.

His response to this is, "Well how am I supposed to ship it if I do not have a box and packaging?" HELLO! Go to Wal-Mart; they restock at night. Get a box and stuff it with newspaper. He has a problem with this because that would mean he'd have to go to Wal-Mart and get a box to ship it. Since he feels that I am just being unreasonable he tells me yet again that he is just going to send it to Houston with his roommate's girlfriend [yes, the chick I do not know].

I once again tell him this is not an option, and that he has to ship it. Then his childish ass goes, well you don't know the FedEx man either. WHAT AN IDIOT. I was trying to tell this story without any biast but I'm allowed. Sure I do not know the FedEx man, but I know that FedEx can and will insure my package... unlike his roomate's girlfriend.

Then he argues that if she brings it to Houston, I could have it on Friday... yes, granted I could have it on Friday pending nothing happens to it while it is in her posession, and IF something happens to it while it is in her posession, I wouldn't get it or a reiembursement for it ever because she CAN'T ENSURE MY CRAP.

This goes on and on and on for about 30 minutes. I begin yelling and screaming because he doesn't understand that he fucked up. He was irresponsible and careless with my most personal posession, and no matter what the case, or his financial situation he needs to rectify his problem in a grown up manner, whether it inconvienced him or not, and in a matter that was acceptable by me-- the favor giver and computer owner.

This arguement got so intense that I ended up throwing my phone at the wall and just crying uncontroallably. You have no idea how personal this computer is to me. I finally calmed myself enough to call him back, and reiterate that my computer is to be shipped and not sent home with a stranger. He still doesn't get it and he continues to tell me that he is going to send ti home with the girl. Unable to even stomach the sound of his voice for another 20 seconds I finally had my cell phone over to my father, and tell him that when he gets off of the phone the understanding needs to be that my computer will be shipped and insured for a value of $1200 USD no exceptions.

My dad talks to him, and tells him to just "ship it to keep the peace." What the fuck? NO! He needs to ship it because, "Krystal is not being unreasonable. you have somthing very dear to her, that she allowed you to use after begging for it for MONTHS, and since she did that as a favor to you, since it is her computer you ought to send it back the way she requests since you didn't send it back the way you were supposed to almost three weeks ago."

Finally the conversations are over. Our friendship absolved. And my computer returned [via UPS].

After it was all over, I had to sit back and figure out why I was so angry at this situation. I figured it out, while not on the same scale, I decided it was as if I had given someone permission to take my child out of town with the promise to bring my child back to me. Once out of town the trustee decides it's inconvient for him [for one reason or another] to bring my child back. THusly he also decides that it is perfectly acceptable to send my child back to me in a car with someone whom I have never met. That is not acceptable; I can tell you if ever in that situation, my child would have to be sent back to me on Continental where s/he would be assigned a personal flight attendant to ensure my child makes it back to me.

I know a comptuer is not a child, but my computer is as close as a motherless person gets. All of my writings, all of my personal databases, all of my everything that I ever want to remember. It should have told him something when I trusted him with the key to my apartment, but not the password to my User account on my computer of how much more I value my computer over anything else I own. To be careless with that trust is beneath a friend.

To not understand how his being inconvienced after not being responsible for getting my property back to me is immature.

He doesn't get it; in the real world... you fuck up... you fix it whether it inconviences you or not.

So your thoughts.... was a wrong? If so how?


Chris said...

I don't blame you for not wanting to give up your personal laptop.

I worked at a place where I had a laptop to do work with and also had a company car. I still kept my computer at home, because I knew that I might switch jobs, or the company could swap out the computer for another one at any time.

Also, the tech would often take the laptop back for a weekend or two, wipe out everything on the computer and reload the operating system so that the computer would continue to operate like a brand new unit. Because I didn't want the boss (actually the tech) to read my email and know my tax return, I always used my private computer for these things.

When I switched jobs, I had to give the computer and the car back. If I had sold my computer and car, I would have been quickly searching for replacements.

What you should do is get a $500 laptop for your dad for his birthday or Christmas, if he wants one so badly.


ahleks said...

Let this be a lesson: remain steadfast when it comes to your reluctance to lend people your shit.

I don't care who it was, I woulda told him to suck it if he kept bugging me to use it lol. I don't know how far Dallas is from Houston, but I'm sure it's pretty far...the fact that he lived there woulda have been a red light for me.

I'm proud of your long post! :p

EXSENO said...

Yes, you were wrong, not in your feelings, but in loaning to him in the first place.
But then I'm no one to talk I learned that lesson a long time ago, from loaning things out and never getting them back or haveing to go to the persons house to get them and sometimes never seeing them again anyway.
I don't loan anythig out any more if you want to use something of mine come to my place and use it. Sorry hard and fast rule for me mow.

Tor said...

Well, at least you know whom not to trust next time. He probably could have gotten a CD burner for less than he ended up paying to ship that laptop back. Hope things go better from here on out.