5.04.2005

God, so you wanted me to test out Womanhood... here are the defects

God,
You asked me to come down here and try out this womanhood thing that you created. Well I've tested it out, and here is my current update on the known defects. It is quite possible that more may follow. The list currently includes the following:

  1. Boobs- God, running with these are a pain in the assets. They bob up and down and the larger ones have to be restrained with more than one sports bra. The small ones do not garner enough attention from the opposite sex and serve as a source of low self esteem or questionable sexuality in most.
  2. Periods - Sir, is there really a reason this fluid must come from down there monthly? If it's really that bad for us to have in there, couldn't we just do without it all together, and you find a way to tweek it so reproduction can cycle another way? Really, a wad of fucking cotton!?!?!
  3. Fish -- Omega, that smell belongs in the ocean, not in the secrets. One good reason why any woman could ever smell like this?
  4. The Cherry -- Why do we have an indicator, and the hes do not?
  5. Bras- God, have you ever tried the underwire thing? Eliminate number one and you kill two birds with one stone.
  6. The female orgasm -- Why does ours have to take so much more effot, and longer than the hes and the one that belongs to the hes cums quickly, and they get eye-rolling action?
  7. Pregnancy - Nine months? I mean really, can we negotiate down to four and a half. Just double the gestation speed.
  8. The phrase "It's ain't mine." -- We never get to say this. God, it's starting to look like you have a favored sex. You would never see a woman walking around saying "it's ain't mine." When she has a belly shaped like a medium watermelon. Compromise: we get the "joys of prenancy" [see 34 weeks and counting] and the hes can have a temporary stigma on his penis that says "It's definately mine." It can even fade after nine months.
  9. Hair styling: Why? For what?
  10. The afterbirth - It hurts more and it can't even take care of us when we get older. This can be eliminated.
  11. Post partum depression - as if the last four months weren't enough.
  12. Cramps - They really are just not funny. Not up for discussion
  13. Delivery - from 0cm to 10 cm? There wasn't a more comforting way to produce the same results? Oh wait, this was Eve's doing right? Then just point me in her direction, and I'll take care of this one.
  14. Men with small penises - If it's got to get to 10 cm, at the very least give us a way to prepare ourselves for it. Give us a fun way to practice for it too.
  15. Sitting/squatting to pee - God, the methodology here, plain and simply , just needs to be reworked.
  16. The male brain - Duh!

Ladies feel free to leave any addition defects to be sent up to the Man Upstairs. He listens!

6 comments:

Zilla said...

yeah that Fish one God really needs to answer because that mess is TERRIBLE... but zero points on you for #16. :) j/p

Anonymous said...

Shaving: If you designed the male species to desire their women hairless, can't we be so? Or can it grow slower so we don't have to shave every day? Why is it okay for the hes to be hairy, but we have to suffer razor burn and cuts in all sorts of unmentionable places.

Anonymous said...

Masturbation: Men get hands and we have to buy our tools-- that's rather sexist don't ya think? Like do you know how much a Jack Rabbit costs!

Molly said...

That was a great post! You had me cracking up! So true, women did not get a fair shake...

My addition: Guys can pee standing up and never have to wait in long lines at public restrooms!

Thanks for stopping by my blog earlier.

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jo said...

I found you through Blog Explosion, you had me chuckling out loud. You my dear girl are RIGHT on the MONEY.