7.25.2005

No Love Life = Death? No Way

I appreciate all of the comments from the previous post. However, the without love you die comments are a bit much for me.

Allow me to further explain myself. I do love. I love my family, and my friends. I do not feel that an initmate relationship is imperative to my being; if anything, me being the type of person that I am, I feel as though it hinders my personal growth. I am more concerned with self-enrichment: learning languages, studying random subjects on my own accord, and things of that sort. Those things make me feel more complete than any companion will.

When my happiness is based on me, myself, and I, then I am the only person who could possibly be responsible for my failure. This extends so far beyond my experiences with any human being. Even as far back as elementary school I hated group projects, because I understood that being in a group where we all get the same grade meant that my grade could be jepordized because of others. While I understand that it could be enhanced by others, I'm more concerned with the fact that it could be hindered. I do not mind failing if I know that the failure was all my doing; I can live with that. However, failing and never know whether or not the outcome would be different if I had tackled the project on my own is not a situation in which I have ever liked to exist.

People question my reasoning behind not wanting to get married. I'll put it simply this way: I am not sure that I want to have kids. If I decide for certain that I do not want kids, then I will most certainly decide against marriage. I see marrige as a form of willingly setting yourself up for compromise "for as long as you both shall live." The only way I intend to do that, the only thing important enough for me to be willing to compromise for the rest of my life, would be a decision to have children. Right now, I do not have that desire. I don't feel like my reasons for wanting kids are good enough reasons. The only reasons I can consciously concoct are my desire to be a football mom, and my second desire to have a daughter named Texas and a son named Houston Austin Dallas [nicknamed Had for short]. Those my dear friends, are not good enough reasons. So until I find better ones, it looks like I will continue to live and enjoy my life as an ambious single female, who answers only to herself and her Maker.

Do not misunderstand me; I do love those close to me, and I do believe I've even been in love before-- and may still be there-- it takes time to become dormant. However, I feel that my only loyalty is to happiness (a. carter), and sometimes that means loving others has to come second. Pardon me if you feel like this is selfish; my intentions are good. I feel like this is more honest than selfish.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

i couldnt agree with that blog any more....i hate it when people say "i'm looking for someone to complete me"...like as if just cuz you are single that you are somehow inadequate or not good enuff to be a "whole"...everytime i hear that i always correct the person...i'm like you mean compliment not complete!

kitkat said...

I say amen, sista. I am married, but that's only because I found someone who helps me excel, someone who makes my life better, and does not hinder my own personal growth. I think it's great that we live in an age where anyone, especially a woman, can live a life without someone attached to their hip. Marriage is not for everyone, and I think the world is finally figuring that out.

The Important One said...

I think that you are not being selfish about this decision you are making. I think that if you would get married based on those reason then that would be selfish, but making it on your own without a man is not. I also think that woman dont need a man to take care of them,and if you want to be that type of woman - ALL POWER TO YA.

Be Easy. Be You.

Janet said...

The most important thing is to be happy with yourself. There is no law saying that you have to get married or have kids. Live your life the way YOU want, not the way others THINK you should. Happiness is key here. I commend you for being yourself, good job!

Sandy said...

I am impressed. For one so young (and yes my dear, to me you are young) you are wise beyond your years. You seem to have a wisdom about you.

Your thoughts on children might change, they might not. Thats your decision and your's alone.

Oh, and thank you for the welcome to blogland, its greatly appreciated!

LuckySpinster said...

being single and embracing all the freedom being single grants you is a wonderful thing. sometimes it's difficult, and the lonely times can be hard, but if you have wonderful friends and if you know your own strength inside then you'll be fine.

i think there are probably great things about being married, too, but there is always a trade-off, no matter what decision you make.

your life is what you make it. whether you go through it alone or with a partner, you're still ultimately responsible at the end of your life for how you lived it. i think a lot of women use marriage as a crutch to avoid living their own lives. then they become angry and passive-aggressive. i'm excited by hearing about new kinds of marriages based on equality and mutual independence.

EXSENO said...

Oh, at last someone who feel like I do. I do so agree with you. The only difference if I was never alone. I was married for yrs. My husband past away and I thought I would grieve forever. Then somewhere along the way for the first time I realized I loved living alone and doing my own thing. I began writing poetry hadn't done it in yrs and reading books never new how much I enjoyed that, never had time for it before. I so glad that you are an independant women with strong views.

Do you remember me? We met on Tor's site. You were kind enough to tell me I could use your post on "Something to Offend Everyone" Well I didn't use it but I'm putting up tomarrow and giving you the props for letting me use it. So I hope it brings some new friends to your site. Thanks.

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