4.09.2005

I Want a Divorce, but I Still Love You

So last night's dream was interesting, odd, yet probably indicative of the woman I will grow to become. Here is the scenario. I am about fifty-five years old, and have been married for about thirty years. We [my husband and I] have four children, three girls and a boy. We are happy. We have two kids in college and two in senior high, and we are happy.

One night at dinner I tell my husband that when our youngest graduates from high school in two years, I am going to file for divorce. I explain that it is not a result of anything that he has done, nor I. I do not want to be with anyone else, because I do love him; I just no longer have the desire to be his wife. I explain that our children should not know about our future plans to separate, because it would only cause confusion, but I wanted him to know so he could have time to prepare himself.

Obviously floored by the fact that I have plotted to divorce him in two years, he interrogates me. He asks if there is someone else, am I no longer sexually satisfied. Neither of those being the case at all, I just want to return to my life independently. I explain that the only reason I wanted to marry in the first place was because I wanted to be a mother. I wanted to have children and be the football mom, and host football dinners at my house, and since I had done all of that I was ready to give up the appellation of wife. He decided that he would file for divorce sooner, and I explained to him that that would not be a good idea because then we would have to put our youngest in the middle of a custody battle, which would be extremely unfair, and he would have to explain why he wanted to divorce, since irreconcilable differences would seem a bit odd, since we never argue about anything. He agreed we would wait. He asked if anything would make me change my mind. I explained that me wanting to be single was not something that would go away, and as I am a good actress, I will put on a good show for the kids, at our corporate functions, around our friends, but when Ardon graduates no matter how well I have pretended, divorce was inevitable.

What's odd is that in this dream I really got the sense that I did, honestly love my husband. And through his hurt he told me he would in the interim find someone else to whom he would go once we divorced (I simply reminded him that as per our pre-nup if either practiced infidelity, then the other would receive half of the adulterer's earning, whereas if we both were faithful if a divorce was presented, it would be done amicably with no exchange of alimony as we were both independently well-off) he would not want to do that.

Crazy dream, huh? I thought it was interesting enough to share.

2 comments:

Zilla said...

i knew snobs were heartless but damn...
keep loading my ammo ;)

Anonymous said...

You could turn that into a book.. I was enthralled from the first line!!! Seriously.. do it! It's interesting.. I'd be anxious to know how it all turned out