4.30.2005

Juniors and "The Seconds" not in my house!

I have a question. I need someone to explain to me why women [some women] name their kids after their baby's daddy. The ranting of an stoical femme fatal follows:

Let me make sure I understand this correctly. A dude [maybe one who holds the title of husband, fiance, boyfriend, dude doing the screwin']during the course of sexual intercourse sends some semen into a woman's ...ya know; chances are that happened before that woman got hers. One of those thousands and millions of sperm happen to swim to an egg and fertilizes it. This fertalized egg becomes a zygote, then the real work begins. For the next nine months, the expectant mom counts the new stretch marks that are appearing daily. She has to learn to sleep on her back because rolling over for a good night's sleep on her stomach is no longer plausible. In the first few months she upchucks right before brushing her teeth. Doctor visits, baby kicks, false labor pains. Real labor pains. Taking anywhere from 0 to 95984309753 hours to get her cervix to dialate from 0cm to 10cm so the watermelon-sized infant which she has been nurturing can slide through and possibly even rip her from annus to birthing canal, thusly requiring stitches.

The dude on the other hand, after depositing the semen, he occasionally drives to get the odd food item craved at weird hours.

So can someone explain WHY a baby should ever be named after his father? Please enlighten me (enlightenment to me means logical reasoning, not something that i can refute due on a basis of stupid and opinion based not fact-driven)

***Note to Readers...any potential suitors: a. you are wasting your time, b. I don't care if you are Prince William himself-- my child will NOT be the continuation of your lineage, and if we are not married, don't even expect him/her to get your last name!****

9 comments:

KoKo Chanel said...

aaaaaahahahahahhahahahaha!

ISIS said...

This is hilarious...true, but hilarious

Kim said...

You know, I never thought of it that way. So true. :o)

Doug said...

Easy, now! I think "Everclear" would make a fine name.

Anonymous said...

You shouldn't be having children anyway, you are wayyyyyy to angry!!!

Jack Burden said...

It's an old tradition. So start a revolution. Call your kid whatever you want. Maybe use a random name generator. Name your kid after your favorite cartoon character. I think our society will be much improved once we have congressmen/women named "SpongeBob" or "Power Puff." Fight the power.

cube said...

Some people are named after their grandmothers...go figure

Sexy stretchmarks said...

Maybe women name their babies after the father so that when the child grows up and doesn't like his name he can get mad and blame his father name. Besides it wasn't her idea it was his. Other women might do it because they don't know who in the hell the dad is and they don't want to look nasty!
So they go on Maury Povich and lie "I'm 100% sure he's my baby's daddy!" lol

Lela said...

Well, seeing as this wa a post from 2005 and this is 2007 I'm late but better late than never... Being a first time mommy I'm not a huge advocate about naming a baby after the father, however, I believe that there are exceptions. I plan to use some of my husbands initials because he has a ranch (SM) so just in case any of the kiddos would lie to take it over then they would share those initials.
I was named after my maternal grandmother and was spoiled to death by her!!! Therefore, some may say that the woman is going to automatically share a special bond with her baby having been the carrier for 9 months! And sometimes the father will feel left out and won't have much attachment, but as soon as you name the child after him he will feel more attached which in turn makes the mother feel good!
Just my 2 cents. ~Lela~