2.20.2005

Letting Go...Making Sense...Searching for Truth

When the time comes to finally let go, nothing will be able to stop that natural process.. everything in life operates on a delicate natural process, from birth to death we all proceed through life with the utmost caution. This caution is unnessecary because we are not the Fates who spin the wool that will determine where we turn. If we were we would never make a mistake because we would never do anything that we would regret later in life.

The things that I have been through durning my operant exsistence have not nearly been all a part of what I would make the plan for my life... I have loved too hard and love the wrong people, and I let the person whom I was supposed to love pass me right by. I have acted arrogantly and I though that since I was intelligent that was okay because I would get where I needed to be exactly when I deemed it necessary for me to be there. My philosophy works for me because it means I don’t have to regret anything in my life because ultimately it was all supposed to happen this way. Do not misunderstand me; I believe that today is the consequence of yesterday’s decisions. However, I am more focused on the events that we cannot control, such as anoter being emotions. Another being’s sanity. Another being’s devotion.

Everyone wonders why I focus so much on things of the mind and why I bask in working alone. Well my secret exposed: I fear the lack of control I have over my life once another being is involved. Why should I become stressed because I allow someone to penetrate my emotional barriers, and I begin to love them and they decide to leave me idling often for no reason, just because he can, and he doesn’t owe me any explainations.

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